The Lads From Nowhere
"Oi, Dave, look at this." Gaz Mc Shone called across the top room of one of the Dublin branches of MacDonalds. " There's a guy here who wants three young Irish lads to form a band and he'll be the manager.
"Yeah, and who do ya think those 'three young Irish lads'll be," Dave joked back.
"Us, you silly plonker!"
"Hi guys.' Billy Kieran half yelled, just back from Saturday football training, sporting a Man Utd. shirt.
"I thought you didn't like them any more." Gaz commented, indicating the shirt.
"I don't. I couldn't find my Newcastle shirt."
"Scum." Dave muttered under his breath
"Watch it, nobbly knees," Billy shot back. Dave went bright red. "And you only thought it was girls who blushed."
"Hey, stop you two. Anyway, see what you make of this Billy." Gaz chucked him the paper.
"Guy wants three young Irish lads to form a band and he'll be the manager. Us? You gotta be jokin'!"
"It's worth a try. We can all sing, well me and Dave just about. I can play drums, Dave the guitar, c'mon."
"Maybe."
"Good. Well, make ya mind up by Monday. Otherwise 'th'apprenticeship for ya boy.'" Gaz imitated one of their teachers. Dave looked daggers at him
"Blackmail," Billy laughed.
"Oh, cheer up. What's your problem?
"Him." Dave pointed at Gaz.
The weekend passed and on Monday morning,
"Well, have ya decided?"
"We might as well go for it." Dave said
"You, Billy?"
"Yeah, same here."
"The girls'll love that blond hair of yours, Billy."
"And, those baby blue eyes."
"And, he's got a body to match!" Ro went crimson.
"C'mon you guys, please."
"Aw look, he's getting all embarrassed now."
"OK, stop now." Gaz said. "Who's gonna make the call?"
"Straws."
"Fair enough, you know the rules of the game." Gaz produced three different sized straws.
"Er, where are we gonna put them?" Dave asked (ed's note - well somebody has to ask that question.)
"In the flower pot." They were in Dave's front living room. Gaz stuck the straws in, closed his eyes and picked a straw. Then Dave picked one.
"I bet I'll lose." Billy said and drew. "Yep, I lost. It's a conspiracy."
"Never mind. You know where the phone is. Oh, and don't forget that we aren't the first pop band to come out of Ireland."
"Yeah, we're following the likes of Boyzone." Scowl. " And OTT." Extra scowl, from Billy, whose sister was a massive OTT fan and had posters all over the five walls (even the ceiling) and it drove Billy mad!!! Oasis were much better.
"And maybe you could get their autographs for your darlin' sister Eadie. 'Especially Alan.'" Dave joked, mimicking Eadie Kieran.
"Shut up!" Billy went to the phone. "What's the number?" Gaz gave it to him and he dialled the number. Almost immediately it was answered.
"Hello." It was a rough and ready voice, 'Northside,' he mouthed.
"Er, I was ringing about the ad you had in the paper about wanting a band."
"Yeah."
"And I was wondering if you were still looking for a band?"
"Yeah we are. You're our first call. How about you come and see me in the first week or so? Carnlough Road, no. 16?"
"Sure." Billy put the phone down.
"Well," Gaz and Dave asked in unison.
"Yes! Oh yes."
"We did it!"
"We made it. We'll have to call you something else now instead of Keiran the Klutz." Gaz replied.
"It's not that good. He hasn't heard us yet, or seen us." Billy said.
"Aw, c'mon."
"Footy! Sky Sports One, Man Utd. v. Liverpool," was the reply.
"Now?"
"Yeah." Billy turned the TV on and changed the satellite channel to 55. "What, already in the second half?" Thanks guys. 0-0. But it's Cole down the middle of the pitch, flanked by a defender, oh and it's still Cole. Kvarme has got the ball, but no, Cole has got it back and GOAL!" Gaz and Rob rolled their eyes.
"Calm down man." Dave yelled.
"I thought you didn't support them." "I don't, I just hate Liverpool even more."
Three o'clock, Wednesday afternoon saw Gaz, Dave and Billy outside 16 Carnlough Road.
"Go on, ring the bell, then," Gaz said.
"First, what are we gonna call ourselves?"
"The Monday Group." (ed's note - this name is so crap it's unbelievable.)
"Nah, rubbish."
"OK then, Transparent Eternity."
"Yeah, I like it." Billy said and rung the bell. A clean-shaven, slightly balding man opened the door.
"I'm Brian Dent. First off what's the name of your band."
"Transparent Eternity."
"It's a good name."
"Thanks." Brian led the three into the living room.
"Now, have you actually started writing songs yet?"
"No." Gaz replied.
"Fine. Your names?"
"Billy Thomas Kieran, Dave Lyrne and Gary Patrick McShone."
"Right. And just to see what you sound like, very important," he smiled, "I want you to sing a song of your choice." Billy sang Don't Go Away by Oasis, Gaz sung 'The Journey.' by 911 and Dave sung 'Old before I Die' by Robbie Williams. (ed's note- brilliant singer!!!)
"Very good. How about instruments. Anybody here any good at any instruments?"
"Billy sings, I drum and Gaz plays the guitar. Gaz and I aren't too bad at doing backing vocals if we're needed."
"Brill. Have any of you had experience of playing in a band or performing in front of people?"
"No, not really. But, we are fast learners."
"OK. If you write a song, no, it would probably be better to be better to do a cover.." Brian replied.
"Yeah."
"Oh, c'mon, such vitality here, such dynamism. C'mon, liven up."
"OK, 'I'll get by with a little help from my friends'" Dave sung.
"Sounds good to me. See ya Saturday morning."
"See," Gaz said, "I told you." As they stood outside.
"We've got a long way to go yet."
"True."
"Er, we've only got us. No band to play the instruments."
"Go on, we use our intruments."
"OK, have you got the music?"
"My sister'll probably have it." Dave replied.
"And Brian will have it, maybe,"
"Yeah." The three walked to Gaz's house.
Half an hour later,
"Well, your sister was a good guess. The music comes complete with drum beat and all," Billy said as he waved the music in the air.
"Good, 'cos I don't know the beat."
"Just as well then."
"How about I get my guitar and we go round your place, Gaz," Dave said
"Yeah."
The day passed and 'I'll Get By With A Little Help From My Friends' was totally crap.
"Well," Dave said.
"Oh blimey, what's what's-is-name, Brian gonna say?"
"Remember the first time Boyzone went on TV on the Late Late Night Show?"
"How could I forget? I was laughing so hard, I could barely see the screen. It cracked me up. Especially that crazy-haired one, what's-is-name - Shane. Yeah that's it. I thought, God, what a bunch of idiots. But look at them now." Billy replied. "Well, just keep that in mind. And I know he won't mind anyway."
"How can you be so sure?"
"I just am." Gaz smirked.
"Bastard."
"Hmph."
So later that week…
"Let's hear ya then."
"Erm, we haven't been playing it long, so it'll sound a bit rubbish." Gaz said worriedly.
"Doesn't matter, we'll work on it." Gaz, Billy and Dave exchanged relieved looks. Gaz began playing and then Dave and Ro came. It was hesitant. It was out of time. The pitch was wrong. It was awful.
"I see what you mean. Well, we'll sort it out somehow. You see, I thought it would be a good idea to get a proper band to play the instrumental backing for you." He smiled as a look of alarm crossed the three lads faces at the mention of 'proper band.' "Don't worry lads, you'll do just fine."
"Phew." Billy went, when they got back to Dave's house.
"See, o' doubting Thomas'" The others grimaced.
"Big 'ead." Dave muttered.
"Now, now."
"Shut up."
"Billy, ya still aren't worried, are ya," Dave asked, suddenly worried for his best mate.
"Yeah, I am. But ya know me, Mr Optimistic," he replied.
"Well, now we've got a proper band, we can concentrate on vocals, can't we?"
"Yeah, I'll tell you what, how about us three go bike racing?" Dave said
"Brill."
"Just let me get my bike out the shed." He said. Five minutes later, the three of them set off. They rode along the streets of Dublin and to the People's Park.
"C'mon." Dave said and raced off. He was in the lead, but not for long, as Gaz and then Billy came speeding past him.
"See ya later," He yelled.
"Oh well, so much for a 'race,'" Gaz joked when Dave finally caught up with them.
"How could you?"
"How could I what?" Billy answered sweetly.
"You know, just leaving me like that and speeding off."
"Aw, we were just having a bit of fun. Lighten up."
Three o'clock on a Sunday morning, the phone rings. Sluggishly, Gaz picks the phone up.
"Hello?"
"Is that Gaz?" A grunt. "It's me, Brian Dent. I've found a guy who can get us a record deal. However, we need to have a decent demo tape, cover and video by October 3rd."
"What?"
"In other words we've got two months to get the song decent, a video and staging in a month!"
"I'd better ring the others and tell them. And why now, at this time of mornin'?"
"'Cos it's urgent."
"Couldn't it have waited 'til the morning?"
" I suppose so. Anyway cheers, bye."
"Bye." Gaz put the phone down and went back to sleep.
"Dave, it's me, Gaz. I got a phone call from Brian at three this morning, saying he had a friend who could get him a record deal. The catch is, we've only got a month to get everything done. That includes decent demo tape, video and staging."
"What!"
"Yup."
"Well, we'd better get started then. Phone Billy and tell 'im to meet up at Brian's house."
"Sure."
Three hours later…
"Gaz, Dave, Billy, I'm glad to see you. I've found us a dead good band for the instrumental!"
"Really?"
"Yeah, three boys and a girl."
"Great, are they here?"
"Yeah, d'ya wanna meet 'em?"
"'Course we do," Dave said mock indignantly.
"OK, OK. Lacey, Will, Sunchy, Tim." He yelled up the stairs.
"Coming." came a cheery, British/Jamaican voice. Not long after, a tall, casually dressed guy, (who strongly reminded Gaz of the lead singer from the Lighthouse Family), launched himself down the stairs/
"Hi, I'm Sunchy." He held his hand out, it was shaken.
"How'd Brian find you?"
"Lacey, Will, Tim and I are on holiday and Brian here found us. Well, we couldn't resist it, could we?"
"You must be the three lads Brian was talking about." Lacey said, brushing her red hair. She was wearing a chenille top and jeans, which surprisingly fit together.
"Hey Sunchy, any chance you could make me breakfast for me, could you?"
"Not a chance."
"Sod you." Suchy smiled.
"You know I'll always say no."
"I'm Will by the way and I'm starving," he said, addressing himself to Gaz, Billy and Dave.
"Eat something then," Dave replied.
"I will."
"Well, that's most of the band for you. Tim are you coming down today?"
"Don't have to yell mate, just listening to the football scores." Billy's eyes lit up.
"What's the Newcastle score?"
"Newcastle 3, Aston Villa 2."
"Yes!"
"You're a Newcastle supporter?" Tim added.
"Yeah."
"Great. A Liverpool supporter meself."
"Shame, they lost to Man Utd."
"Don't remind me of it."
"Are you gonna stand there and discuss football all day," Brian and Dave asked.
"We'd better not."
"You'd better believe it, only a month remember." Billy, Gaz, Dave, Will, and Sunchy followed Brian into the recording studios.
"Woah." Gaz said as he walked in.
"You can do anything in here, but treat it with respect. It was very expensive."
"This is great," Tim said.
"This is way better than the one at uni." Sunchy said.
"Nah, 'bout same." Lacey replied, who had just come in.
"Never mind, let's get started. Will, seat yourself at the drums. Tim, stand to the left of the stage. Lacey to the right. Sunchy stand behind the three lads to Will's left. Billy, Gaz and Dave stand in the middle at the front."
"One, two, three." Will began.
"Hang on a minute, hang on a minute. Now."
"What would you do if I sang out of tune, would you stand up and walk out on me?"
When the song was finished, Brian moaned.
"Terrible, it was all hesitant and out of time. As for you three lads down the front, what were you doing? You were singing a completely diiferent tune."
"We gonna make it?"
"Yeah, if it's the last thing I do."
"Good."
The month passed, 'A Little Help From My Friends' was nearly perfected. A video was sorted out.
"Right, today we record and then we send the demo tape out."
"Billy, where's Gaz," Sunchy asked.
"I think he went out and got smashed last night."
"What!"
"Hi guys," Gaz said, as he walked through the door, "anybody got an aspirin?"
"Here, next time, don't go getting bloody well smashed the night before we record," Brian said moodily, as he chucked Gaz an aspirin.
"We're recording?"
"Yeah, you're lucky you're voice don't sound too bad."
"Look, are we recordin' or not," Lacey complained.
"OK. Everybody get ready."
"This feels so stupid, but it's not."
"Yeah."
"Just get on with it."
"How about a band introduction," Will asked
"Nah. Right."
"One, two, three." Will began drumming.
"What would you say if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me, lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song and I'll try not to sing out of tune. Oh, I'll get by with a little help from my friends."
Finally, the recording was over.
"Well done lads. And ladesses."
"Thank God that's over," Tim and Will exclaimed.
"Yeah, I can go and recover from my hangover now."
"Which you shouldn't have got in the first place."
"Well, let's just forget about it," Lacey said.
"I need a cup of coffee, I'm a bag of nerves. I thought we'd never make it!"
"Yeah, when we first played together. Oh dear." Billy said, stretching. They laughed.
Three weeks passed. One day in November - typically a cold, grey one - there was an excited knocking on Gaz's front door. Gaz went to open it, it was Brian.
"Gaz, we've got it! A Polygram deal."
"Really? OMG! Mum, Dad, we've got it. A record deal, we're gonna be famous." Gaz was dancing round the room.
"Woah. Calm down lad. I'll give you the pleasure of telling everyone else."
"Great." And sure enough, everyone was told.
Two weeks later, Billy got a call from Brian that, sometime soon they would be releasing their first single.
A day later it was played on the radio. It went straight to no. 1. Girls and magazine interviewers piled up on each member's doorstep. The girls adorned with banners saying: 'I love Gaz.' Or 'Jean 4 Billy,' or 'We luv ya.' The interviewers came armed with pen and paper.
So, what's it like being the next Irish pop sensation after Boyzone?" Gaz was asked one afternoon.
"Amazing! The fans have been amazing, the attention we're getting - almost like a dream."
"Do you feel famous?"
"Not really. I feel stunned, I still can't believe that this is all because of us. Transparent Eternity was just a thing we thought we'd try and do. I never thought it'd turn out like this."
"Thank you very much." Dave walked up.
"Gaz, Brian told me to tell you that we've just reached no. 1 in the UK!"
"What, it was released in the UK? Wow!"
"Yeah we knocked the Spice Girls off the top with our song!"
"What. 'Spice Up Your Life'?"
"Yeah."
"Yes! I hate those tarts."
"Billy know?"
"Yep, he loves it."
And where is he now?"
"Watching Newcastle United thrash Man. United 5:0."
"Typical."
"We're gonna do a Ireland/UK tour, starting in Dublin, going all over Ireland. Then we go to the UK and do, I think he said Newcastle Arena, Manchester Nynex, Glasgow Arena, Sheffield Arena, Wembley Stadium and then back to good ol' Dublin. This we do in a year's time, in two months!"
"Cool."
December was hard work, a signing in HMV in Dublin, TV shows and more. But somehow, they still had time for Mam, Dad, Sis and Brother.
Then Billy insisted that they write their next single themselves.
"What, are you crazy?" Brian exclaimed.
"No, I've got an idea."
"OK then, let's hear it."
"It's called 'Please Forgive Me.'"
"What's it like?"
"It's like: 'I can't explain how I feel, but I know that I love you. What I did was stupid and now now I'm breaking up inside. I regret. Baby, baby please forgive, 'cos I need your love. I don't wanna spend another minute without you, please forgive me.'"
"Not bad, I have to admit. Nice tempo, is it a slow one?"
"Yeah."
"They'll definitely like this one," Brian said.
Billy told Gaz and Dave and together, 'Please Forgive Me,' was written. It's hard to describe, but it's pop.
"Man, this is good!" Sunchy exclaimed when he heard it in its bits, in a fake American accent.
"Yeah, I like it. It's got a good rhythm, nice lyrics. Now all we need is for the common people to like it." Will said.
"'Common people' sounds insulting, Will."
"Well, it better do well, cos we're releasing it today."
"What, today?"
"So let's get mega recording."
"'I can't explain how I feel, but I know that I love you and what I did was so stupid. I regret it all. And baby, baby please forgive.'" And so the song was sung. After the song finished, Dave asked, "How do the band know it so well?"
"We practised it." Tim replied, looking a little sheepish.
"OK," Gaz and Billy said slowly.
"So, have we thought about an album yet?" Brian asked.
"No, we've only released two singles," Dave exclaimed.
"Still, it's just a thought."
"True."
"OK, it's Billy's birthday." Sunchy said, one day in May.
"May the 21st -Gemini!"
"Hey, a loud mouth."
"Shut it."
"OK, here is your birthday present from me and everyone else." Brian said handing him a white envelope. Excitedly, Billy opened it.
"Oh my gosh! Tickets to go and see Newcastle United v. Liverpool at St. James' Park."
"And look who with."
"Alan Shearer! Cheers guys." He pretended to faint.
"And finally, look where."
"I don't get it."
"On the actual bench."
"You're joking."
"No." Billy hugged everybody in sight, then sank down on the sofa.
The next day, the A side of the album was written. Songs included, 'A Little Help From My Friends' and 'Please Forgive Me.' Others included, 'Can't Get Over Losing You,' 'Coming Home To You,' and ' Rain on the Window' - a fast track.
Around June 22nd Brian announced that they were going to do the tour after their first album was released.
"When are we going to release it?" Dave asked.
"Tomorrow."
"Tomorrow."
"Yes, so we'd better get choreographing and practising. Hadn't we."
"OK."
"The next week was frantic as Gaz, Billy and Dave desperately choreographed the songs. Finally, the night before the tour started in Dublin, all three sank into chairs in Brian's living room.
"Dave, you're a genius. Without you, we would've been goners," Gaz said.
"Yeah, dead goners," Billy said, but Dave remained quiet. "What's the matter?"
"I'm worried about tomorrow night. What if it all goes wrong?"
"It won't, we'll be fine."
"Personally, I think we should go to bed, it's ten thirty." Gaz added.
"Me too." Billy said.
"Look, we'll have one last practice in the afternoon, and then we go on."
The next day was busy. Rehearsal in the afternoon proved successful. Then after two hours of milling around, it was time.
As Billy, Gaz and Dave went on stage (Gaz from the left, Billy from the middle and Dave from the right), the audience that packed the Point went wild. From left to right, people occupied every single seat possible. Transparent Eternity's first ever concert a sell-out.
"Hello Dublin, I hope you're having a good time," they said, before launching into 'Come home to you.'
"They danced and sung their way through the first album. The album included covers by Mike and the Mechanics (Looking Back Over My Shoulder), The Commitments (Slip Away) and Bryan Adams (Everything I Do (I Do It For You), as well as a 'A Little Help From My friends.' Originals were - apart from "Please Forgive Me,' 'Can't Get Over Losing You,' 'Coming Home To You,' and 'Rain on the Window.'- 'You're Grey Jumper,' 'Always Loving You,' 'The Good are Gone,' 'All Around the World,' 'Last Night' and 'If I Turn Away.'
"After they went off to a chorus of 'we want more, we want more.' Billy, Gaz and Dave headed straight for their dressing room. About half-way there, Gaz stopped and said,
"Hey, what about the fans?"
"Yeah, I suppose we'd better do some more." Dave said.
"Aw, c'mon guys. We did that before the concert started." Billy said yawning.
"True."
"The next day, they came down to breakfast to find Brian eagerly scanning the paper.
"Lads, you've come in to rave reviews! They love you!"
"Really?" Gaz and Billy said in disbelief.
"If you don't believe me, read this." He handed them the paper.
"They may be called Transparent Eternity, But there's nothing transparent about them." Gaz read.
"Ireland's hottest talent since Boyzone," Billy muttered.
"You ungrateful sod."
"The tour went off with a bang and ended with fireworks."
Then Brian mentioned Smash Hits Awards, "They're soon, so keep your eyes open for the invitation."
Two weeks later, an invitation for Messrs. McShone, Lyrne, Kieran and Dent.
"Brian, it's arrived."
"Excellent."
Come the time, all four bundled into the car and raced to London. They got their with just 10 minutes to spare. Having got dressed, they sat down and waited.
Finally, it was time to for the Best Newcomer Award.
"And now, to present the Best Newcomer Award, the lead singer of the phenomenal boy band, Boyzone - Mr Ronan Keating." WILD applause and mass screaming from the girls in the crowd, as the man himself came on dressed in surprise, surprise, black.
"And here is the run down of the Best Newcomers." The run down started. "In fifth, we have N'Tyce. Fourth, is All Saints. In third, surprisingly low, is Aqua, second is Five and this year's winner is Transparent Eternity!" Mass, mass screaming from the crowd.
"Great, we get the lead singer of Boyzone."
"Look Billy, stop bloody well moanin' for once and be grateful we got the award."
"Sorry." He said, sheepishly.