with Alfonse Demerara
adventurous they haven't written a song
interesting trying to be unusual; wrong (as in that's an interesting chord)
inventive they don't know the song
uncompromising unlistenable
challenging annoying
complex messy
hard too loud
intense much too loud
powerful bass too loud
subtle quiet
delicate very quiet
subliminal inaudible
strong can't bring myself to say good
the strongest (song) the only bearable one
the first track is really strong I didn't get any further
funky embarrassing to dance to
tight crap but played in time
loose sloppy
wild badly played
loose sloppy
solid dull
rock solid turgid
tasteful unimaginative
majestic pompous
honest embarrassing
timeless out of fashion
cool vacuous
stylish superficial
hip about to become unhip
professional with expensive equipment
accomplished yes, they're still going
the new X imitators of X, slow off the mark
a cross between X and Y the most tedious aspects of each
a well-known face on the scene an alcoholic
really into clubbing really got a drug problem
rocking moronic
jazzy MOR
bluesy notes bent out of tune
classic hackneyed
old skool clichéd
atmospheric lots of effect pedals
good atmosphere (of a venue) dark
psychedelic repetitive meandering
mod music made by people more interested in clothes
dark goth
groove rhythm with nothing good on top
break cliché
drum and bass influence sign of desperation among the old
dancey no tune
hypnotic monotonous
crazy(adj.) stupid
crazy (adv.) moderately
inspired deluded
inspired cover version covering a lack of imagination, that is
lyric the part of the song where the composer doesn't have anything to say
exhilarating mindless
experimental clueless
intriguing pointless
searing/blistering/scorching guitar too loud
storming too loud and too fast
raging too fast and getting faster
relaxed too slow
fun don't listen if sober
If you're in a band, get used to ignoring these:
You need to turn the back line down
You need to sing louder
Can you mute the drums?
Can you drum louder?
Is it supposed to sound like that?
Can you play one you know?
and inevitably:
It'll be all right when there are a few people in here
backline big amps with the volume on 2
stack huge object with the volume on 1
bass stack inadequate amplifier with the volume on 10, about to break
moog broken synthesizer
customized not repaired properly
adapted ruined
all original knackered
vintage overpriced
classic copy/reissue
character crap sound
player's guitar bad condition
It can be difficult to know what to say to your firends after they've played a rock concert. Let Alfonse help:
You were really tight (NB: through overuse this has now become suspect)
I liked the new song(s) (safe: some are always newer than others)
Did you enjoy it? (because I didn't)
You really looked like you were having fun up there (unlike the audience)
Are you doing any recording?
The sound was excellent (if only the band was)
The sound wasn't very good, but it didn't matter (because you're shit anyway)
(when you didn't watch the band:)
When are you playing next?
You should play more often (just not near me)
(if they look really full of themselves:)
Incredible!
(if all else fails:)
Would you like a drink?
all proportion what stories about the band are blown up out of
pigeonhole what bands should not be put in
Pet Sounds what our indie guitar band wants to make an album like
perfect pop song what we're trying to write
really into dance music what we've always been
samples, beats what we're been experimenting with
darlings of the press what we've never been
it in for us what some journalists have got
a bonus what it is if other people like us
fluid out of time
relaxed dragging
lively speeding up
lacklustre shit
good feel pity about the mistakes
roll the tape just in case we haven't worked out the song yet
warming up getting worse
that's a keeper! you're not going to get it right
nearly! getting desperate!
we'll sort it out in the mix we'll leave it out of the mix
I am inventive; you are adventurous; he hasn't got a clue what he's doing
I am a star; you are ambitious; he is arrogant
I am hip; you are trendy; he is a fashion victim
I am a brilliant musician; you can play OK; he is a muso
I am a good bassist; you are a good bassist; he is a crap bassist; she is a babe
I am intense; you are serious; he is a miserable git
I am elegantly wasted; you are skinny; he is sucking his cheeks in
I am charismatic; you are a good frontperson; he is wearing too much make-up
I am deep; you are thoughtful; he is pretentious
I am a genius; you are an enigma; he is insane
I am a visionary; you are weird; he is an acid casualty
We do it our own way; you are independent; they can't get signed
We are going for a big deal; you left your label; they got dumped
We are bigger in America; you are bigger in Japan; they are bigger in Germany