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Selhurst Park has to be one of the most difficult grounds to get to by car from the North West of England. I know, 'cos I did it yesterday - just. A kind-hearted friend who lives 5 miles away suggested I leave the car at his house, so instead of arriving via the "Lahnaan Awbitaal" from the west and going through Croydon, he suggested I take in the view of the Dome, Canary Warf and arrive via that monstrosity of a bridge at Dartford. Thanks to the M25 being blocked and a terrible road system, I arrived at Selhurst just as things kicked off. So, I missed the pre-match apperatifs in The Cherry Tree, and only met up with Mungo Mag outside the ground. Spotted Tynedale Man, Lady Tynedale and Min in the crowd, which was some feat seeing as we had the whole of the Arthur Wait stand for Toon. Couldn't see any other BBSers but I thought I could hear Dougal complaining somewhere in the background. The first thing that struck me about Selhurst Park, apart from the antiquated stands and facilities, was that the pitch seemed smaller than most. It may have been an optical illusion, but I honestly felt it was a few yards shorter. The second thing was the length of the grass which seemed to make up for the shortfall in area by an increased length. Little Kieron Dyer almost disappeared in it and despite being grassed all over, it soon began to cut up badly. Toon had the better of the first half, with 6 men surging forward on a number of occasions. At last YBR's urging "on yer bike" to Sandro Pist One is beginning to get thru and he found himself in acres of lush grass out wide on the left. Unfortunately, this messsage hadn't filtered thru to the others and he was almost totally ignored. Instead, the ball was all-too-often humped thru the middle or threaded thru the eye of a needle who's eye was just too small for a ball to be threaded thru. Passing along the ground was a joke with the ball either deviating wildly as it hit a divot or falling short due to the inhibitting length of the grass. The sad thing is that the 11 in B&W sharts on the pitch didn't realise this and continued to play the same way all game. Do you suppose the Wombles defence has ever practiced playing against the long ball humped down the middle? I guess they may have seen that move a few times in practice, so are farily adept at coping with it. At least that's the way I read it. IMHO, YBR got his tactics wrong for once. Indeed, Tynedale commented to me on the way oot that this was the game at which he lost faith in YBR. Now, I think this is a bit extreme, but tactics have to be questioned. Maybe YBR didn't realise that an EPL pitch could be so crap, or perhaps his absence this week meant that Mick Wadsworth was in charge of training tactics. Either way, it should have been remedied at half time but wasn't. Due to our first half superiority, we should have gone in ahead, tho the Wombles did have a couple of chances to score which they wasted. Sadly, too many of our players were not on form. This has to be the worst game Nobby has played for a while. I wish that maybe TeamTwaddle's announcement that he was unavailable for the game due to International call-up had indeed been correct, because honestly, he didn't figure much at all and when he did, it wasn't very good. The second half didn't get off to a great start. Gallagher (Dermott) gave them a free-kick on the corner of the box. There may have been a bit of "argy-bargy" between Bartinho and their forward, but it was definitely even stuff which finally ended when Barton was obviously held back and man-handled to the ground. Everyone on our side of the ground, not to mention the 11 on the pitch were gob-smacked when the kick was given to the Wombles. It was so close it could even have been a penalty, and as it turned out, may as well have been. A flighted kick was heading just passed Stevie's left hand post, but he felt he had to push it away, but unfortunately his deflection hit Robbie Earle (I think) and rebounded into the net. I don't think I'm being too harsh when I say I don't think Earle had much idea what was going on. 1-0 to the referee. We still had plenty of opportunities to salvage the game. LKD was put thru the middle with a golden opportunity, but he screwed his shot wide. Nobby had a great chance from the corner of the 6-yard box, but blasted well wide - so wide in fact it ended up crossing the touchline nearer the centre line than it had started off. Shearer had another golden opportunity when thru on the left but hit his shot tamely wide of the near post. A number of players tried to beat Sullivan from long range. However, it has to be a great shot (or a lucky lob from halfway) to beat him from a distance. And we continued to hump it down the middle and try to thread the ball thru the eye of the needle in the quagmire of the central part of the pitch, despite acres of lush grass to use out wide. The Wombles defence got a bit physical, and Dunc got a bit p*ss*d off, squaring up with his handbag for a duel from 2 paces. Surprisingly, the ref only had a word with Dunc when previously he might have expected to see yellow. For the 2nd game in about 4 weeks, no cards were issued. I'm not aware of any formal decision to relax the card waving, but it surely seems that way lately - and good for it, as long as it's not only a short-term experiment. The second goal was typically Wimbledon. A hopeful ball hoisted into the centre from the right. I don't know who should have been marking Marcus Gayle, but it ended up with Barton being the closest, tho behind him. Gayle is a big bugger and Warren's not, so it was obvious who was going to win that arial battle and the ball ended up nestling in the corner of the net with Stevie looking on in Wonder. Gallacher (Kevin) was subbed by Domi, who YBR seems to be trying to convert into a wing-back but apart from one or two good runs, he brought little improvement to midfield. I thought Harper had a poor game, looking unsure on a number of crosses and at fault for the first goal (although the free kick should have been awarded the other way if not at all). Marcelino had a 'mare (or being Spanish, more like a donkey) of a match, epitomised by a sliding tackle which simply didn't reach the forward who simply stood waiting for the ball to arrive. Somehow, I don't think he'll be in the starting line-up at Blackburn. Dabs was (IMHO) our best player. At least he tried to inject some movement into the midfield and attack (yes, that's right, wor CH trying to do the job of others in front of him). The lads are now off for a bit of R&R in La Manga, Spain. Maybe they'll leave Marcellino behind when they return. Perhaps it would be better if they went to the Italian Riviera so they can learn a bit of the local language and start communicating with Pist One. Maybe they'll resort to the only language learned at school and re-introduce Domi at LB. Or perhaps YBR will finally realise that Helder is a more stabilising influence in defence than Marcellino. On a good point - last time we were humiliated away (Bradford) the next gane was in the FAC against Spurs and we won 6-1. Let's hope that's an omen for next Monday night. So, after the match it was off to The Cherry Tree for post-match post-mortem with the Lahndaan Mags. Nice to see Jonno and Tara, Susie-without-Brown-Ale, TM, Lady Tynedale, Min, Bobby, Gav, ITK, Dougal (eventually), Grant and many others I can't remember. Great to meet Dan Maier for the first time, not to mention (but I will) Syrumbydr (or whatever his name is!) He travelled to Selhurst from Copenhagen - not quite in the same league as Ciara but still quite a distance. Some bugger should have told the team and mebbes they might have made a bit more effort to entertain our foreign correspondant on his first trip to see Toon. Highlight of the evening was when Yellow Submarine was played on the jukebox and in complete unison, a renditioning of Peter Reid's got a ........ rang out, to the huge ammusement of the locals present, one of whom commented to me "Cor Blimey, mate, he looks like a f*ckin' Lahndaan taxi wiv it's doors left open". I couldn't top that, so went home, pouring ITK out of the car as I passed Hillingdon. Hope you made it home OK mate!
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