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Livingston 2 Newcastle United 1 report by Macbeth accompanied by his son Ben, "Worse than Dyer", "Match report, I presume", "Menage a Cinq"
Apparently the performance matters more than the result. In this case the result was better than the performance. We were crap. I'd like to say I've seen worse, but I really can't remember when. With this brief introduction .... Team, in some sort of vague formation like.... Perez Mareclino ............(Charvet)........... Dumas......................... Goma Barton........................ Speed....................................... Domi Maric .....................Dyer............................... Ketsbaia Coppinger.......... (McClen) Sadly we need teams to pay us a bit more respect. If we continue to play teams who show us the lack of respect Livingston did then we will be going down with Sunderland. Player by player analysis with marks out of 10 .... Perez 1, obviously a Dalglish signing, in the second half when he was at our end he gave us the Vs for ironically chee ring when he managed to clear the ball to a Newcastle player Marcelino dunno, didn't really see him do anything Dumas 5, look the part but couldn't keep up with the Livingston forwards when they broke for their second Goma 5, the brick shi t house version of Domi, got the run-around far too often for what he's supposed to be, and for the level of the opposition Barton 6, ran and ran and ran Speed 4, he will desperately hoping there were no television cameras there to record his contribution to their first goal, an absolute disgrace, apart from that he was generally hopeless Domi 3, wallflower version of Goma Maric 3, played on the right wing in the first half, not sure where he was in the second, blasted one shot over, which Ben sagely "why didn't he shoot lower, it would have gone in" Dyer 7, at last at last somebody has got around to replacing Peter Beardsley, poor game to judge him on but he has fast feet, moves away from players well, looks the part, scored late on Ketsbaia 5, played on left wing in first half and partnered Maric in the anonymity stakes in the second Coppinger 5, played all on his own, has one good turn that he managed to do twice subs Charvet 4 McClen 5 I have to admit here I left before the end, or thirty seconds before Dyer scored so I can't even illuminate the evening with one bit of light.
Not long later off goes Coppinger to be replace by McClen. I'll try and set out the formation but it'll look stupid Perez Charvet ...........Goma............ Dumas ..............Domi Barton ..............Kets......... Speed .........McClen ........Dyer.......... Maric We spent the rest of the game passing the ball around amongst our midfield and never getting close to scoring. There was the occasional shot from miles out which went miles wide. Gary Speed, captain of Wales, had one particularly memorable effort. Ben was tired, the game was rubbish so wit h 5 minutes left we got up and went. As we passed through the exit there was an ironic cheer and we were told Dyer had scored. Travesty of justice. Do I really want to go to Dundee on Thursday ?
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The kick off was delayed ten minutes while they got all the Newcastle
supporters in. There was probably a couple of thousand, God help the
police if they draw Rangers at home in the cup. Huge amusement after
about 20 minute s when the PA man read out a list of car number
plates for badly parked cars. There must have been 12 at least. I
reckon it must have been a very badly designed car park if you could
find 12 places to park illegally. In the midst of all this they sco
red. How bad a goal ? The worst there ever was. Shay Given at
Coventry was nothing compared to this. Barton casually knocks the
ball back towards the goalie. Goalie casually moves to clear it as
Livingston forward runs in, goalie just gets there i n time and half
clears it 20 yards towards Gary Speed, captain of Wales. Gary Speed,
captain of Wales, knocks the ball back on the volley towards hassled
goalie. Hassled goalie is way out of position, and Gary's pass isn't
going to reach him because he's actually passed to a Livingston
player. Livingston player looks around and sees wide open goal with
Newcastle goalie left of six yard box. Livingston player hits ball
into empty net. Newcastle raised their game to ponderous at this
point .
Charvet
comes on for Marcelino at half time. We now have a "menage a
cinq" or for those of you not fluent in French - 5 dozy
Frenchmen, as our defence. We get a corner and piss around and they
break fast. ("Fast" in Scottish second divis ion). Centre
gets whipped across and the guy runs in at the back and hammers it
passed Lionel. Oh dear.
