Taking the line from the UK immigration authorities, the bosses at Old Trafford have decided to vet persons attempting buy tickets to gain entrance to the ground. Here is a copy of the application form... with markers comments:
Name (that's the thing at the top of your Giro)&ldots;
Address (if applicable)&ldots;
Please answer all questions. Tick applicable box. Oral examinations available for illiterates. Please write for details.
1. How far do you travel to get to the ground&ldots;?
(A) Less than 40
miles. [Probably a Man City fan. -50 points]
2. How much would you be willing to pay to get into the ground&ldots;?
(A) Over £200
per game. [Just the type we are trying to attract.
3. How many replica shirts do you buy every year&ldots;?
(A) 20-30 (all
the team colours really) [50 points. Send latest catalogue.]
4. Who is the manager of Man U&ldots;?
(A) Alex Ferguson [10
5. In your own words, what do you think of our Chairman&ldots;?
(A) A forward
thinking entrepreneur. [500 points]
6. Do you remember anything pre. 1993 (that means before 1993...)
(A) No. [50
7. Which British teams have won the European Cup...?
(A) Only Man U [Send
Press Pass and you're in]
8. Where is Manchester&ldots;?
(A) Isnt it
near London? [10 points]
9. Name any Man U player&ldots;?
heard of Ryan Beckham [1 point]
10. Whos fault was it that England went out of the 1998 World Cup&ldots;?
(A) Glenn Hoddle [10
11. Complete the Following Sentence&ldots; Roy Keane is&ldots;
Mis-understood and victimised. [50 points]
12. Do you know any of the following...? [1 point for each]
(A) Zoe Ball.
12. How the F*ck did Arsenal win the Premier League in 1998...?
(A) They won 10
straight games at the end of the season and played some of the
greatest beautiful, creative, fluent football ever seen in the
Premier League throughout thew season, resulting in some of the best,
finely worked goals seen for years, and even had the front to hammer
Man U twice. [IMPORTANT: REJECT APPLICATION]
13. In less than 10 words, please say why you support Man U... (that means write ot down, just saying it, won't come out on the form)
Applications that score over 1000 points will be accepted. All others will be rejected. The chairmans decision will be final, unless Alex Ferguson feels an injustice has been done, in which case the applicant will have submit to seven days of whinging. Applications will not be considered unless a cheque to cover administration costs of £5,000,000,000 is also received. Applications from broadcasting Companies accepted subject to DTI approval. All applications must also be submitted with a bank reference from the approved Man U Bank plc...
Signed (write your name with a pen)..................
Date.................. (If you are not too sure about the date, just tell us what is the colour of the current Man U shirt and we can work it out to the nearest week...)
MU Fans Ring site
Ticket Information stolen off he's a great blerk and has a great Gooner site
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