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"We are top 'o' the league sing....... we are top of the league" 10th November 1999 and United v some Lancastrian Shower. It was with trepidation that Softie, Steph, Jonno and Gibbo made their way to Kingston Park to watch the feeble NUFC Resorves, currently languishing at the top of the league, take on the full might of the European Champions' second string. Where do you start with relating an experience like that to people who missed it? Well, I suppose the short answer is that we won 2-0 and Man United had 2 players sent off, but that doesn't really tell the full tale. Bobby Robson was there early, and changed into a smart jacket before going on. "What's up here?" Thought the well wrapped up Softie as he observed this. All was soon revealed. Man Utd had of course brought MUTV with them to allow their die-hard fans to see the reserves play live, and YBR had to do a pre-match interview. I have to say that I really have no desire to meet anyone who is such a gung-ho Man Utd fan that they are prepared to shell out X amount of cash every month to watch their reserves but aren't quite so rabidly interested that they might consider actually going along to watch in the flesh.
Toon lined up as: Karelse Arnison .............Hughes........... Howey................. Serrant Antunes (Fumaca)........ McClen.......... Cominelli .............Glass Coppinger .....................Robinson Subs: Elliot, Caldwell, Green, McMahon, Beharrel
The game was officiated over by Mr JP Devine and he was assisted by
Messers Bainbridge and Dodds. The fact that Mr Devine was the oldest
and least fit of the three and had worked up a considerable sweat
just taking his tracksuit off should have rung a few warning bells.
We started the half stood immediately alongside the away dugout where
we were treated with a constant stream of expletives from their coach
who could even give Steve Howey a run for his money when it comes to
compulsory contributions to the swear box. The 7 (seven!) Man Utd
subs also decided that a nice snug dugout with a comfy bench
There was a fair bit of niggle involving both Howey and Serrant
before the ref really got into his stride and began to dish out the
yellows as though he really was in the premiership. This led to the
first Manc taking an early bath after an earlier yellow for
truculence got converted into a red thanks to a scything hack at
Comminelli. Cruyff immediately picked up his own yellow for whinging
like a big girl about someone being sent off for thuggery despite the
cameras being there and everything. This trend was continued shortly
after the restart when another found himself sent off for swearing at
Mr Devine. Perhaps the irony will be lost on whichever Manc it was
that after Dabizas's sending off at OT, this is probably the only
time a straight red has been flourished for bad language. Sadly, we
had moved behind Taibi's goal so we missed their coach's version of
events. Obviously there is a far better view to be had through Taibi
than the subs, as Le Tissier and Parhars found out. Our second goal
came from a sublime piece of skill from MUTV didn't pass up the chance to talk to a proper young star and managed to coax Dyer into giving a post match interview. Personally, I was still raging about the w*nker in the stand sat in front of Kieron while continually puffing away on his cheroots - the lad cost us 6 mil and is hobbling after his operation without some selfish berk blowing smoke all over him. The scores for the Lads are as follows: Karelse 7 - progressively less to do but coped admirably Arnison 6 - got up well in support but some of his defending was pants Serrant 6 - couldn't get the telling ball in and got turned too often, but worked hard Hughes 7 - some great covering tackles in dodgy situations but disappeared for long stretches of the game Howey 5 - nothing like fit yet, and was replaced by Elliot at half time who scores his usual 8 for commitment and spirit Antunes 6 - much happier infield rather than on the wing, as he packs a killer shot but not much crossing ability McClen 6 - 2 decent shots but still prone to showboating and gives the ball away far too much (I am horribly biased, mind, as I've never rated him) replaced by Green for last 20mins Cominelli 8 - the real difference between the sides. Very strong, first to defend and first to support an attack, dealing with him got four of the Mancs booked Robinson 8 - 100% effort, but still more of a ball winner than a natural goal scorer, sostill not an answer to the first team shortages Coppinger 8 - tried just as hard and got in all the right positions but got no luck at all except the once from which he scored. Diamond. Glass 7 - worked his nuts off but tired badly in second half. Actually got Serrant to take the corners by the end. More like his dodgy Brum performance than that incredible display against Barnsely the other week.
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The
warm up produced the startling sight of this strapping lad with
close-cropped hair and a mean curl to the lip going by the name of
Steve Howey. He was also sporting a very long, nasty-looking scar
down the back of his ankle from surgery and seemed to be somewhat
less than impressed with the company he was keeping. Kieron Dyer (on
the wing) was in the stand where he was joined by Warren Barton, YBR,
Steve Clarke and Freddie Shepherd (who continues to exhibit his
complete lack of interest in football by attending nearly every
reserve game). The announcer kindly told us that most of the names on
the Manchester United list did not match with their actualnumbers and
so read out a list of amendments. This was closely followed by
someone from MUFC telling him where he had gone wrong, and them being
changed again. This means that I have no idea who was whom amongst
the Man Utd squad except for Taibi and Cruyff, the rest of them will
just have to be referred to as Mancs (Moaning, aggressive, niggly, chaps).
wasn't
nearly so much fun as all standing outside it and blocking the view
of the home fans. (We were attacking the Tesco end anddefending the
airport goal for those who need a point of reference). What they
couldn't block out, however, was the fact that United were in control
and keeping Taibi in all sorts of bother trying to cover the threat.
A run down the right by Antunes resulted in a cross which Coppy was
only able to batter off a Manc to Robinson who managed to find the
angle to sneak it in at the far post. United were not having it all
their own way, though, as Howey found when he was turned a couple of
times and had his current lack of pace exposed - he even picked up a
booking although the ref seemed to need persuading that he really was
Howey on a football pitch. Karelse mopped up well and was very vocal
about what he wanted the defenders to do.
Robinson
who sold the defender a dummy whilst running into the box, let the
ball overrun and then back heeled it to Coppy who finally got the
break all his running deserved and put it into the net. We were
having real trouble getting our two man advantage to count, since Man
Utd simply would not give up and battled like tigers. If they could
combine that work rate with a bit of discipline and sportsmanship
they'd be unbeatable. When the final whistle put them out of their
misery, the 9 survivors and dugout crew immediately flounced off
except one who turned and shouted something at the officials and
Massimo Taibi who made a point of going over and shaking hands with
them like a professional. Bosnich must be mightily relieved, as this
error on the part of his rival should make the keeper's berth his own now.
I'm
sure that Andy Gray and Alan Hansen and the rest will tell you that
sendings off spoil games as a spectacle, but I can assure you that I
would have no qualms about Man Utd having two players sent off every
time we play them. I found it a positively uplifting experience. I
don't go for a spectacle; I'm a fan, not a bloody admirer. Mind you,
I may have been in a minority since half the unusually large crowd
seemed to consist of bored parents teaching their bairns to leave the
match early. ........SOFTIE
