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TOON SPOOF CONTEST

RIK Menu of alternative lyrics Wear a Toon Shirt The Original

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '99:   Wear A Toon shirt.   If I could offer you only one tip for the future, wearing a toon shirt would be it. The long-term benefits of wearing toon Shirts have been proved by scientists to be the most cheerful and respected articles of clothing that you can wear, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.   Enjoy the power and beauty of geordieland, oh never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of geordieland until you move away. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself on Tyneside and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous it really was.  Yes you are as fat as you imagine. Go on a diet, but don't quit the booze, cut out the kebabs and chinkies, they are much worse for you than a few pints every night   Do one thing every day that scares you. Imagine Newcastle get relegated   Sing.  Regularly every week end, Don't let the stewards at the game intimidate you, they are nothing more that wanna be traffic wardens, ignore them     Floss. Candy Floss that is will make you fat, avoid it.   Stretch.   Don't feel guilty if you don't feel that you will be a toon fan for the rest of your life. The most committed people I know didn't know at 22 that they wanted to be a toon fan for all of their lives. Some of the most committed 40-year-olds I know still don't   Get plenty of Sex. But go easy on your back.You can still have fun without doing yourself an injury , just to impress your partner.   Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance with a Makem on your 75th wedding anniversary.Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.   Enjoy your partners body. Use it every way you can. They'll enjoy it as much as you.   Drink ..... even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room get pissed as often as you can.   Do not read southern based tabloids, they'll corrupt your mind.   Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. And they may not leave you there season tickets if they don't like you. Be nice to your Bairns, you may need to borrow some money off them to renew your season ticket someday.   Understand that friends come and go, but as long as they wear black and white, they too are OK..   Visit Manchester once but leave before you get arrested. Visit Sunderland once, but leave before it makes you puke. Travel to all away games.   Accept certain inalienable truths: Season ticket prices will rise. Shepherd and Hall will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, tickets were reasonable, directors were noble and players respected their fans.   Respect the manager. he's just doing his job   Don't expect anyone else to do a better job, he's the best that there is until he's sacked. The same goes for the players. they are ALL heros until they are sold. Then they become has beens that should never have been bought. Don't mess too much with your hair , just get a daft wig and you'll look years younger.   Keep the seasons expectations low and you'll be ecstatic when the team wins. Be devastated when they lose, it may be just a game to others but it's life to you, Just get totally ret arsed but don't forget Do it wearing a Toon shirt By A Geordie ,Mary Schmich wrote the words to Sunscreen in her column of the Chicago times on June 1st 1997. The origional text is here. She invites you to post a Geordie version. Post your entries here! Here are a few titles to get your brain cells working, Everybody's Free (To Wear Man U shirts) Everybody's Free (To Wear Toon Gear) Everybody's Free (To Pierce their Nipples) Everybody's Free (To smash up the Bigg market) Everybody's Free (To Wear no coat in the winter) Everybody's Free (To call their baby Keegan) Everybody's Free (To be a sad geek like Rik) Everybody's Free(To Wear A Northumbrian Kilt) I will post all the BETTER entries on this page. ADVICE, LIKE YOUTH, PROBABLY JUST WASTED ON THE YOUNG By Mary Schmich ... June 1, 1997   Inside every adult lurks a graduation speaker dying to get out, some world-weary pundit eager to pontificate on life to young people who'd rather be Rollerblading. Most of us, alas, will never be invited to sow our words of wisdom among an audience of caps and gowns, but there's no reason we can't entertain ourselves by composing a Guide to Life for Graduates.   I encourage anyone over 26 to try this and thank you for indulging my attempt.  Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97:   Wear sunscreen.   If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.   Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.   Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.   Do one thing every day that scares you.   Sing.   Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.   Floss.   Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.   Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.   Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.   Stretch.   Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.   Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.   Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.   Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can.   Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.   Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.   Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.   Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.   Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.   Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.   Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.   Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.   Respect your elders.   Don't expect anyone else to support you. maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.   Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.   Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.   But trust me on the sunscreen.

You turn, post your Geordie Versions to me here! The Small print......, If you are reading this then you must be very sad and have extremely good eyesight. i certainly can't read it. Riksplace is best viewed using netscape Communicator v 4.5, with your screen resolution set at 800x 600 This site is spread across 3 providers, Globalnet, Xoom and Geocities, sometimes one of the internet providers may be down , I hope this does not spoil your surfing pleasure. All Items, ideas on these pages © Riksplace UK© All Rights Reserved. Designed Using Netscape.You can steal whatever you like for your own web site as long as you ask me first E Mail riks@globalnet.co.uk and make a link back to this Web Site. http://www.users.globalnet.co.uk/~riks/ All graphics are designed by Eddy Suryadi , if you want your own custom graphics then contact him at deco@dnet.net.id..