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Tomorrows news today, Yesterdays news tomorrow ! Latest news headlines updated around the pub , whenever we've had a few, By the Soccer-UK award winning pub quiz team. For latest Soccer Update call 00 5925 64946 calls cost 82p per min cheaprate or £1.10at all other times, Average call will last 17 minutes, please seek permission from those paying the bill before you ring.Schwarz says Sunderland is nice Schwarz says Sunderland stinks
Beckhams hair cut «« Victoria Beckham was recently on a sexy lingerie modelling assignment. Whilst she was posing in one of the more revealing outfits the photographer noticed some pubic hair poking out so he arranged for the make up artist to remove the offending hair. Whilst the make up artist was snipping off the offending hair she offered some words of advice to Posh which went along the lines of "you wouldn't have this problem if you shaved the hair off that twat of yours......" The rest as they say, is history!
Schwartz set to leave«« Sunderland's Stephan Schwarz has allegedly decided to quit European football and go to the USA, to see out the rest of his playing years. The Tampa Bay Terrapins appear to have offered him a deal that he can't refuse. A free flight on a space shuttle. "Football is just too rough for him in England, "said a Sunderland official "His latest injury was the last straw for him. There have been rumors circulating that he didn't like the area, the people, the food, the manager, the assistant manager, the weather, the other players, the money and the recent spell of poor results, this is total nonsense. I have it on good authority that he wants to the USA for a couple of years then take a shuttle to the moon" continued the club insider. ...we don't understand either.
Carbone linked with Chelsea «« Aston Villa star Benito Carbone's friend has asked us to link him with a move to Chelsea on behalf of his pal. Carbone is a personal friend of the Chelsea boss and wants us to start a rumour that he wants to move there, as he is too embarrassed to bring up the subject with Vialli himself. He informs us that he is stalling on a contract at Villa because they won't pay him three times as much as the other players "Eees a deesgrace, orl zee top Italiano plieyers are to getting treeple money ov zee Eenglish vans, I am not beinnk greedy, a jarst want what my cuntry mens is to getting" said the close friend of Benito , in a poor Italian accent, when selling us the exclusive story.
Schwarz says Sunderland is nice «« Swedish International Stephan Schwarz is very happy now at Sunderland. The Swedish midfielder didn't like it when he first came to England and his Mediterranean loving wife wanted a quick return to sunnier parts. After Schwarz spoke to the manager about he and his wife's unhappiness, Peter Reid took them both to see the Sunderland suburb of Newcastle. "I change my mind about Sunderland, the suburb known as Newcastle is really a nice place, I am sure i will be happy to live here" his wife has already started househunting a and also seems very happy. "eats a lavly place " commented Ceu, "what a differance 20 kilometers can make, When I first saw the area around the stadium I thought, I don't want to be here, but after the trip to Newcastle village, I am sure we will be happy in our new home, in any case if the team does bad then Stephan can always use me as an excuse for leaving"
Wooter likely to join Rams «« Watfords Dutchman Nordin Wooter looks likely to join Derby at the end of the season if his current team is relegated. He impressed manager Jim Smith during last years pre-season, but Graham Taylor persuaded him to join Watford. Wooter, who appeared in the Champions' League for Ajax, then had a spell at Real Zaragoza, admits that he loves the EPL the best and has really enjoyed the relegation battle. That's the reason he says that he will be joining Derby next season, "It's got nothing to do with my sheep fetish, I just like the challenge of trying to beat relegation, and Derby will surely have a great relegation battle again next season. "The Rams are well known for having players and fans that are into sheep and wooter who recently came out about his fetish would now like to play with others who have the same interests. The Rams boss admits that Wooter made an impressive start last season when he played in a friendly against Port Vale capping his display with a goal but said: "There is more to playing for Derby than fancying sheep, we do actually play football here as well you know , we do like players to have an interest in sheep but it isn't essential after all we are a football club, " Could have fooled us Jim ......
Schwarz says Sunderland stinks «« Swedish International Stephan Schwarz looks l likely to snub Sunderland at the end of the season as Sunderland's bad spell continues. The former Arsenal player is believed to have told Mr Reid that he and his Portuguese wife can't settle in the frozen wastelands of the north "It's got nothing to do with not winning a game this century, we just don't like it here" It's believed that he would have been perfectly happy to live in what is generally regarded as the most unpleasant part of England, as long as he was paid enough, but his wife wants non of it. The hen pecked Swede now looks likely to return to Italy at the end of the season. prompting Peter Reid to step up his interest in Liechtenstein's "Michael Owen" Harold Kuntz. The 21 year old attacking midfielder, would be an ideal replacement and is available for around £40,000 ($63,560 US) from his current club FC Alpina Rousse.
Leonardo snubs the Boro «« Middlesbrough boss Bryan Robson's dreams of landing Brazilian star Leonardo have been shattered by AC Milan vice-president Adriano Galliani. Boro chief executive Keith Lamb confirmed that the club had held preliminary discussions regarding Leonardo , only for Galliani to give Keith lamb the bad news . "Leonardo will stay with Milan. It is official," said Galliani "I have spoken with him and he say's there is no ******* way that he would put the health of either himself or his family at risk by moving to the chemical dustbin of Europe", he went on" Leonardo has spoken to fellow Brazilians, Juninho and Emerson and they have told him all about the horrendous smell that hangs over the place, he wouldn't come even if he was paid £60,000 a week, although he may change his mind if you up the offer to £75,000" Robson now looks certain to switch his attentions to Ex Old Trafford team mate, former Welsh International Mark Hughes. The £3 million price tag that Everton have slapped onto Hughes, wont deter the Boro manager, famed for paying silly money for has been footballers.
Man United training ground report«« Sunday is a day off for most people but those poor overworked footballers still have to attend training. We sent our intrepid reporter down to the ground to see what they get up to. Beckham, Yorke and Keane were having a five minute break towards the end of the session when I overheard Keane telling the others he has noticed that Fergie slips away at least an hour before the end of training almost every day. The group look around and notice that they are basically left without supervision for the last hour and collectively decide that the next day they too would slip off early once Fergie has left the complex. The next day after a gruelling session the three stars watch as Fergie slips away a good hour before they are due to finish. Ten minutes later, as soon as Fergie's Bentley disappears out of the training ground Beckham, Yorke and Keane run into the changing rooms, get changed and also speed off in their respective supercars. Yorke decides to go for an early slap up meal while Keane decides to go to the bookies. Beckham meanwhile decides to go home for some quality family time. On entering his mansion he sees Fergie shagging Posh right in the middle of the living room. Without saying a word Becks quietly closes the door and goes for a long, long drive.The next day the three players join up for the warm up. Yorke says he had a great meal and nice early night and he feels great. Keane too says he had a great time, won loads of money and suggests that they do the same again today. Beckham though, looking worried, says "No way lads, I nearly got caught yesterday"
New BRITISH LEAGUE looms «« American giant cable manufactures NTL are set resume their recent trend of buying into football clubs with news that 4 more teams are on the verge of selling a stake in their clubs to the multi national conglomerate. The company that manufactures giant cables for the American TV industry revealed "We have no intentions of buying a stake in any more English clubs, we already have a stake in Everton, Newcastle, Middlesbrough and Birmingham Villa. We've also tied up deals with both Celtic and Ranger and that's enough for us". So just what are they up to? We sent our investigative journalists out to find out and the findings will rock the very pillar stones of Wembley's twin towers down to their foundations. Barclay Knapp , chief executive of NTL, has been allegedly holding talks this week with both Swansea and Cardiff football clubs and last week he was in Belfast and Londonderry. This revelation can only mean one thing. NTL will form a twelve team breakaway British Super league next Wednesday.
Arsenal set to RE-sign ? ««
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