ADDICTS’ CORNER

Mike Fox sends for the men in white coats. Richard James goes brbble brbble brbble.

Hess Chess

Further to our piece on Bloodgood, and our request for information about Nazi players: Wilf Morgan Kynoch has drawn our attention to Hugh Thomas’s Hess: A Tale of Two Murders (Hodder & Stoughton, 1988), which argues that the bloke in Spandau prison wasn’t the former Reichminister, but a fake planted by Himmler. On page 122: "...in June 1943, the prisoner remarked that he learnt to play chess when he and his brother Alfred had scarlet fever, and then added, ‘When I was in hospital at St.
Quentin during the First World War, I was the only one to defeat the Berlin crack player Cohn, who took on twelve opponents at once’."

Through the ChessBase Jungle with Gun and Camera

The men in white coats will be coming for Richard soon (writes MF). Ever since he acquired ChessBase he has become permanently anchored to his PC, lost in a ceaseless quest for more and more abstruse records. You want to know the longest game before a promoted bishop landed on f3? Richard's your man. The most popular opening played by female juniors on a Thursday in the Kidderminster Minor? Consult R James. Which chess journalist has collected more useless bits of information than anyone
since records began? You know who. See our next item for the damning evidence.

Brbble Brbble Brbble

Gilbert Palmer Cyberspace has been enjoying, as we have, IM John Watson’s new book Secrets of Modern Chess Strategy.He has one complaint, though. Nowhere in the book does Watson discuss the Great Rook to e4 Debate.
Gilbert has been researching the subject and has discovered that, among World Champions, Lasker holds the record for the earliest Rook on e4.

Emanuel Lasker – Siegbert Tarrasch
Berlin 1916
Ruy Lopez
1.e4 e5 2.Nf3 Nc6 3.Bb5 a6 4.Ba4 Nf6 5.0-0 Nxe4 6.d4 Be7 7.Re1 b5 8.Rxe4 d5 9.Nxe5 Nxe5 10.Rxe5 bxa4 11.Nc3 Be6 12.Qh5 g6 13.Qf3 Bf6 14.Rxd5 Bxd5 15.Nxd5 Bg7 16.Bg5 Qxg5 17.Nxc7+ Kd7 18.Nxa8 1-0


Fischer and Euwe managed it in 11 moves, Karpov and Steinitz in 12, but Kasparov’s best is 19 (but we found a simul game where he did in 17).
Something tells us we’ll be hearing more from Mr Palmer about Rooks in the centre. We’ll keep you in touch. Meanwhile…
The minimum, given normal development, is 6, which happened, for instance, in these games:

Andrzej Maciejewski (2410) – Krzysztof Kazek (2245)
Bytom 1988
1.e4 c5 2.Bc4 Nc6 3.Nf3 e6 4.0-0 Nf6 5.Re1 Nxe4 6.Rxe4 and ½-½ (30)

Ferenc Katona (2255) – Frank Bartels (2305)
Matra Open 1993
1.e4 e5 2.Nf3 Nc6 3.Bc4 Nf6 4.0-0 Be7 5.Re1 Nxe4 6.Rxe4 and 0-1 (42)

Of course it’s theoretically possible to get a Rook to the centre in only four moves. We found two games on our database where this happened, one played, apparantly, by a bush kangaroo.

Skippy - =}
VOGChess
1.h4 Nc6 2.Rh3 a5 3.Re3 Ne5 4. Rxe5 and 1-0 (59)

vincent - cfirestorm
VOGChess
1.h4 e5 2.Rh3 d5 3.Rd3 e4 4.Rd4 and 0-1 (44)

But enough of that nonsense. The big news here at FARCE Towers is that the record for sum castling has been smashed. (For this and all the following records we exclude computer v computer games, hoax games and internet games played by mentally deficient kangaroos.)

P Horn – W Erpel
Correspondence Germany 1986
London System

1.d4 Nf6 2.Nf3 e6 3.Bf4 b6 4.e3 Bb7 5.Bd3 d5 6.Nbd2 Nbd7 7.c3 Bd6 8.Ne5 Bxe5 9.dxe5 Nc5 10.Bc2 Nfd7 11.Qg4 g6 12.b4 Na6 13.Bg5 Qc8 14.Qf4 c6 15.Nf3 Qc7 16.Bh6 Rg8 17.Bg5 Rf8 18.Bh6 Rg8 19.Ng5 Nxe5 20.Nxh7 Nd7 21.Bg5 Qxf4 22.exf4 Rh8 23.Nf6+ Nxf6 24.Bxf6 Rh5 25.h4 d4 26.Be4 dxc3 27.a3 Nc7 28.g4 Nd5 29.Bxd5 Rxd5 30.h5 gxh5 31.gxh5 Rf5 32.Bxc3 0-0-0 33.h6 c5 34.Rh4 f6 35.h7 Rh8 36.0-0-0 e5 37.Rg1 Bd5 38.Rg7 cxb4 39.axb4 a5 40.bxa5 bxa5 41.Rhg4 1-0

32… 0-0-0 plus 36. 0-0-0 makes 68. Cosmic!

A near miss:

Christian Wedin – Ulf Hammarstroem
Lund Skol-SM 1991
Sicilian Defence
1.e4 c5 2.c3 Nc6 3.Nf3 d6 4.Bb5 a6 5.Ba4 e6 6.d4 cxd4 7.Nxd4 Bd7 8.Bf4 e5 9.Nxc6 bxc6 10.Be3 Nf6 11.Bg5 h6 12.Bh4 g5 13.Bg3 Nxe4 14.Bc2 Nxg3 15.fxg3 Qb6 16.b4 Be7 17.Qd2 Rf8 18.Na3 f5 19.Nc4 Qc7 20.Rf1 d5 21.Ne3 f4 22.gxf4 gxf4 23.Nd1 Bh4+ 24.Nf2 e4 25.Qe2 Qe5 26.0-0-0 Qxc3 27.Qh5+ Rf7 28.Qxh4 e3 29.Nd3 e2 30.Qe1 Qa1+ 31.Bb1 Re7 32.Nb2 exd1Q+ 33.Qxd1 Bf5 34.Nd3 Qc3+ 35.Qc2 Qxc2+ 36.Bxc2 Re3 37.Nxf4 Rc3 38.Re1+ Be4 39.Re2 Rxc2+ 40.Rxc2 Bxc2 41.Kxc2 0-0-0 42.Ne6 Rd6 43.Nc5 Rf6 44.Nxa6 Rf2+ 45.Kb3 Rxg2 46.h3 Rh2 47.Nc5 Rxh3+ 48.Ka4 Re3 49.b5 h5 50.Nb3 h4 51.Nd4 h3 52.Nf5 Re5 53.Ng3 h2 54.b6 0-1

26. 0-0-0 plus 41… 0-0-0 makes 67. And with a pawn promotion in between! Far out, man!

What about the shortest game ending in stalemate? Try this one. Can any Italian reader verify this? Was Black Sergio M.?

Sibilio - Mariotti
Ravenna 1982
French Defence
1.e4 e6 2.Nf3 d5 3.e5 c5 4.b4 cxb4 5.d4 Nh6 6.a3 bxa3 7.c3 Nf5 8.Nxa3 Nc6 9.Nb5 a6 10.g4 Bd7 11.Bg5 Be7 12.gxf5 axb5 13.fxe6 fxe6 14.Rxa8 Qxa8 15.Rg1 Qa3 16.Bxb5 Bxg5 17.Rxg5 Qxc3+ 18.Kf1 0-0 19.Bxc6 Bxc6 20.Kg2 Ba4 21.Qe2 Bc2 22.Ne1 Be4+ 23.f3 Rxf3 24.Nxf3 Bxf3+ 25.Qxf3 Qd2+ 26.Kh3 Qxg5 27.Qf8+ Kxf8 ½-½

The rest of this article concerns arrested development.

Beginners are advised to start by moving a centre pawn. In this game Black played 61 moves without touching his d- or e-pawn.

Axel Schmitt (2345) – Srdjan Panzalovic (2390)
Altensteig 1993
Sicilian Defence
1.c4 c5 2.Nf3 Nf6 3.Nc3 b6 4.g3 Bb7 5.Bg2 g6 6.0-0 Bg7 7.d4 cxd4 8.Nxd4 Bxg2 9.Kxg2 0-0 10.e4 Qc7 11.b3 Nxe4 12.Nxe4 Qe5 13.Qf3 Qxd4 14.Be3 Qe5 15.Nf6+ Bxf6 16.Qxa8 Nc6 17.Qb7 Qe4+ 18.Kg1 Bxa1 19.Rxa1 Qg4 20.Kg2 h5 21.h3 Qe4+ 22.Kg1 h4 23.gxh4 Qe6 24.Kg2 Qd6 25.Rg1 Rb8 26.Qa6 b5 27.cxb5 Qd5+ 28.Kh2 Ne5 29.Rc1 Rxb5 30.Qc8+ Kh7 31.Qf8 Nc6 32.Rc4 Qd6+ 33.Kg1 Rf5 34.Rg4 Ne5 35.Qh6+ Kg8 36.Rg3 Qd1+ 37.Kg2 Qd5+ 38.Kg1 Qd1+ 39.Kg2 Qd5+ 40.Kf1 Qb5+ 41.Kg2 Qc6+ 42.Kf1 Nf3 43.a4 Qf6 44.h5 Qa6+ 45.Kg2 Nh4+ 46.Kh2 Qf6 47.hxg6 fxg6 48.Rg4 Nf3+ 49.Kg2 Ne5 50.Bd4 Qc6+ 51.Kf1 Qa6+ 52.Kg2 Qc6+ 53.Kf1 Qa6+ 54.Kg1 Nf3+ 55.Kg2 Ne1+ 56.Kg1 Nf3+ 57.Kg2 Ne1+ 58.Kg3 Qd3+ 59.Kh2 Nf3+ 60.Kg2 Ne1+ 61.Kh2 Nf3+ ½-½

"Knights before Bishops", but Emil Diemer (of Blackmar-Diemer Gambit fame) once won a game in 30 moves without making use of his cavalry.

Emil Diemer - Cerff
Germany 1983
Modern Defence
1.d4 g6 2.e4 Bg7 3.h4 d6 4.h5 Nf6 5.h6 Bf8 6.Bd3 c5 7.d5 Na6 8.c3 Nc7 9.f4 Ng4 10.Be2 Nxh6 11.c4 Bg7 12.g4 a6 13.a4 Rb8 14.Ra3 Ng8 15.Rah3 h6 16.R3h2 b5 17.g5 h5 18.f5 Be5 19.fxg6 Bg3+ 20.Kf1 fxg6 21.Rxh5 Rxh5 22.Bxh5 gxh5 23.Qxh5+ Kd7 24.Qg4+ e6 25.Rh7+ Ne7 26.Qxg3 bxc4 27.g6 Qf8+ 28.Rf7 Qg8 29.Bg5 exd5 30.Bxe7 1-0

In our next late knight horror movie, Black touched a horse for the first time on move 32, when his only other pieces were a solitary pawn, a bishop and a king. Nevertheless, he drew the game. He might have been helped in this by promoting a pawn on move 7.

J Dziel - Tiilikainen
Correspondence 1997
Sokolsky Opening

1.b4 e5 2.Bb2 Bxb4 3.f4 exf4 4.Bxg7 Qh4+ 5.g3 fxg3 6.Bg2 gxh2+ 7.Kf1 hxg1Q+ 8.Kxg1 Qg5 9.Bxh8 h5 10.e3 h4 11.Qe1 Be7 12.Nc3 d5 13.Kf1 c6 14.Qf2 Bg4 15.Qf4 Qh5 16.Qe5 f5 17.Qe6 Qxh8 18.Qc8+ Kf7 19.Qxb7 h3 20.Bxd5+ cxd5 21.Qxd5+ Kg6 22.Qxa8 h2 23.Qg2 Bd6 24.Rb1 Qh4 25.Nd5 Kf7 26.Rb4 Bxb4 27.Rxh2 Bf3 28.Rxh4 Bxg2+ 29.Kxg2 Bxd2 30.Rh7+ Ke6 31.Nf4+ Kf6 32.Rxa7 Ne7 33.Kf3 Nbc6 34.Ra6 Ke5 35.c4 Kd6 36.Nd3 Kc7 37.a3 Nc8 38.c5 Ba5 39.e4 ½-½

Most games with unmoved bishops come from the same opening variation, the French Winawer Poisoned Pawn.

The record for the longest game in which both bishops remain on their original squares is held by a FARCE GM:

Jonathan Tait – A Oomen
England v Netherlands Correspondence 1994
French Defence Winawer Variation
1.e4 e6 2.d4 d5 3.Nc3 Bb4 4.e5 c5 5.a3 Bxc3+ 6.bxc3 Ne7 7.Qg4 Qc7 8.Qxg7 Rg8 9.Qxh7 cxd4 10.Ne2 Nbc6 11.f4 Bd7 12.Qd3 dxc3 13.Rb1 0-0-0 14.h4 Nf5 15.h5 d4 16.Rg1 f6 17.g4 Nh6 18.exf6 e5 19.g5 e4 20.Qc4 d3 21.Nxc3 dxc2 22.Rb2 e3 23.Rxc2 Bf5 24.Rcg2 Rd4 25.Qc5 Qxf4 26.Ne2 Qh4+ 27.Rg3 Rc4 28.Qxe3 Nf7 29.Qf2 Nd6 30.f7 Rd8 31.g6 Nd4 32.Rc3 Qxf2+ 33.Kxf2 Ne4+ 34.Kg2 Nxc3 35.g7 Be4+ 36.Kh2 Nf3+ 37.Kg3 1-0

In this 54 mover, the White prelates die at home on moves 37 and 42:

Poulsen - De Mauro [C18]
Correspondence 1994*
French Defence Winawer Variation
1.e4 e6 2.d4 d5 3.Nc3 Bb4 4.e5 c5 5.a3 Bxc3+ 6.bxc3 Ne7 7.Qg4 Qc7 8.Qxg7 Rg8 9.Qxh7 cxd4 10.Ne2 Nbc6 11.f4 Bd7 12.Qd3 dxc3 13.Rb1 0-0-0 14.Nxc3 Na5 15.g3 Nc4 16.Ne2 Ba4 17.Nd4 Nc6 18.Nxc6 Qxc6 19.Qc3 Kb8 20.Rg1 Rc8 21.Rg2 Qd7 22.Qd4 Ka8 23.Kd1 f6 24.exf6 Rg4 25.h3 e5 26.Qd3 Rgg8 27.g4 Qc6 28.g5 e4 29.Qd4 Nd6 30.Rb2 Rh8 31.g6 Rxh3 32.Ke1 Nf5 33.Qb4 Nh4 34.g7 Nf3+ 35.Kd1 Rh1 36.g8Q Bxc2+ 37.Rgxc2 Rxf1+ 38.Ke2 Qa6+ 39.Qb5 Re1+ 40.Kf2 Rxg8 41.Qxa6 bxa6 42.f5 Rxc1 43.Rxc1 Ne5 44.Rc7 d4 45.f7 e3+ 46.Kf1 Rh8 47.Rbb7 Nc6 48.Re7 d3 49.Re8+ Kxb7 50.Rxh8 d2 51.Ke2 Nd4+ 52.Kd1 Nb5 53.Rh1 Nc3+ 54.Kc2 1-0

* ’cr ch we’ according to one of our databases, which may or may not mean Women’s European Correspondence Championship

Our suggestion for the record excluding the FWPP (or C18 as we Informant buffs call it) is:

J Kaltchev – S Dobsa
Correspondence 1994
Sicilian Defence Najdorf Variation
1.e4 c5 2.Nf3 d6 3.d4 cxd4 4.Nxd4 Nf6 5.Nc3 a6 6.Bg5 e6 7.f4 b5 8.e5 dxe5 9.fxe5 Qc7 10.exf6 Qe5+ 11.Be2 Qxg5 12.Qd3 Qxf6 13.Rf1 Qe5 14.Rd1 Ra7 15.Nf3 Qc7 16.Ng5 f5 17.Qd4 Qe7 18.Bh5+ g6 19.Qxh8 Qxg5 20.Bf3 Rg7 21.Rf2 Nd7 22.Bc6 Qe3+ 23.Re2 Qg1+ 24.Kd2 Qd4+ 25.Kc1 Qf4+ 26.Kb1 Re7 27.Rde1 Qd6 28.Qg8 e5 29.Qd5 Re6 30.Qxe6+ Qxe6 31.Rxe5 Qxe5 32.Rxe5+ Kf7 33.Bd5+ Kg7 34.Re8 Nb6 35.Be6 Bxe6 36.Rxe6 Bc5 37.Rc6 Bg1 38.Ne2 Be3 39.Rc7+ Kh6 40.Ra7 g5 41.Rxa6 f4 42.c3 Kh5 43.Ra5 1-0

Our next remarkable game sees White make her first rook sortie on move 56, by which time her king has reached the far end of the board.

Pia Cramling (2485) – Claude Landenbergue (2415)
Biel Mixed 1991
King’s Indian Defence
1.d4 Nf6 2.Nf3 g6 3.c4 Bg7 4.Nc3 0-0 5.e4 d6 6.h3 e5 7.d5 Ne8 8.g4 c6 9.Bg5 Bf6 10.Be3 cxd5 11.Nxd5 Bg7 12.Qd2 Be6 13.g5 Nd7 14.Bd3 a6 15.a4 Nc5 16.Bc2 Bxd5 17.exd5 a5 18.h4 Qd7 19.h5 b6 20.Qe2 Nc7 21.Nd2 N7a6 22.Ne4 Nxe4 23.Bxe4 Nc5 24.Qc2 Rac8 25.f3 f5 26.gxf6 Rxf6 27.hxg6 hxg6 28.Bg5 Rf7 29.Bxg6 Rxf3 30.Qh2 e4 31.Qh7+ Kf8 32.Bh6 Bxh6 33.Qh8+ Ke7 34.Qxh6 Nd3+ 35.Kd2 Rf2+ 36.Ke3 Re2+ 37.Kxe2 Qg4+ 38.Ke3 Qg3+ 39.Kd4 Qe5+ 40.Ke3 Qg3+ 41.Kd4 Qf2+ 42.Qe3 Rxc4+ 43.Kxc4 Qxe3 44.Kb5 Qc5+ 45.Ka6 Nb4+ 46.Ka7 b5+ 47.Kb8 Qb6+ 48.Ka8 Qd8+ 49.Kb7 Qd7+ 50.Ka8 Qc8+ 51.Ka7 Qc7+ 52.Ka8 Qc8+ 53.Ka7 Qa6+ 54.Kb8 Qb6+ 55.Ka8 Na6 56.Rh7+ Kf6 57.Rb7 Qd8+ 58.Ka7 Nc5 59.axb5 Kxg6 60.b6 Nxb7 61.Kxb7 Qd7+ 62.Ka6 Qc8+ 63.b7 Qc4+ 64.Kb6 Qd4+ 65.Kc7 Qc5+ 66.Kd7 Qb6 67.Kc8 Qc5+ ½-½

The longest (sensible) game we’ve found in which one player’s rooks remain unmoved (we disqualified a Malaysian effort on the grounds that the loser played on many moves about two million pieces down) is:

E Kroger – I Komovec
Laguna 1996*
Caro-Kann Defence
1.e4 c6 2.d4 d5 3.Nc3 dxe4 4.Nxe4 Nd7 5.Ng5 Ngf6 6.Bd3 h6 7.Ne6 Qa5+ 8.Bd2 Qb6 9.Nxf8 Nxf8 10.Nf3 Bg4 11.0-0 Ne6 12.c3 Bxf3 13.Qxf3 Qxb2 14.Qe2 Qa3 15.Rfe1 Nd8 16.Bc1 Qd6 17.a4 e6 18.Ba3 Qd5 19.Rad1 Qb3 20.Bb4 Qd5 21.c4 Qh5 22.Qe3 Qg5 23.f4 Qh4 24.f5 Kd7 25.Qe5 Ng4 26.Qf4 Qg5 27.Qg3 Nf6 28.Qd6+ Kc8 29.Bd2 Qh4 30.Bf4 Ne8 31.Qe5 Qf6 32.Qe3 exf5 33.d5 Nd6 34.Bxd6 Qxd6 35.Bxf5+ Kb8 36.dxc6 Qxc6 37.Rd7 a6 38.Red1 Qf6 39.Qg3+ Ka7 40.Qf2+ Kb8 41.Qf4+ Ka7 42.Qe3+ Kb8 43.R7d6 Qxf5 44.Rxd8+ Kc7 45.Qe7+ Kb6 46.R1d6+ 1-0
* ‘olm blindfold’ according to one of our sources: we guess they really mean the men’s olympics for visually handicapped players.

Next, an illustrious GM fails to develop his queen until move 62, but still manages to draw the game.

Vitaly Cseshkovsky – Yuri Balashov
Sochi Zonal Play-off 1975
Ruy Lopez
1.e4 e5 2.Nf3 Nc6 3.Bb5 a6 4.Ba4 Nf6 5.0-0 d6 6.c3 Be7 7.Re1 0-0 8.h3 Nd7 9.d4 Bf6 10.Be3 b5 11.Bc2 Nb6 12.Nbd2 Bb7 13.Rc1 Re8 14.Bb1 Rc8 15.d5 Ne7 16.b3 Ng6 17.a4 c6 18.c4 b4 19.Nf1 c5 20.Ng3 Nd7 21.Qd2 Rc7 22.Nf5 Be7 23.g3 Bc8 24.Nh2 Nf6 25.Ng4 Nf8 26.Kg2 Bxf5 27.exf5 N8d7 28.Re2 Bf8 29.Rce1 Rc8 30.Bc2 Rb8 31.Qd1 Be7 32.Qc1 a5 33.Qd2 Ra8 34.Qc1 Rb8 35.Qd2 Ra8 36.Nh2 Nf8 37.Nf3 h6 38.Qc1 N8h7 39.Nd2 Nd7 40.Ne4 Ndf6 41.Nd2 Ra7 42.Qb1 Kf8 43.f3 Nh5 44.Bf2 Rc7 45.Qd1 N5f6 46.Nf1 Ra7 47.Be3 Nd7 48.h4 e4 49.Bxe4 Bf6 50.Bd2 Bd4 51.Ne3 Nhf6 52.Nc2 Bb2 53.Qb1 Be5 54.Bd3 Nb8 55.f4 Bc3 56.Bxc3 bxc3 57.Qa1 Rxe2+ 58.Rxe2 Na6 59.Qxc3 h5 60.Be4 Rb7 61.Bf3 Nb4 62.Na3 Qd7 63.Nb5 Rb6 64.Qe3 Rb8 65.Qc1 Rd8 66.Qb1 Kg8 67.Nc3 Kf8 68.Re1 Qc8 69.Ne4 Qxf5 70.Nxf6 Qxb1 71.Rxb1 gxf6 72.Bxh5 Re8 73.Kf3 f5 74.g4 fxg4+ 75.Bxg4 Nc2 76.f5 Kg7 77.Kf4 Re1 78.Rb2 Nd4 79.Kg5 f6+ 80.Kf4 Rf1+ 81.Kg3 Rg1+ 82.Kf4 Rf1+ 83.Kg3 ½-½

The longest game we’ve found in which a queen remains unmoved throughout is this: Black wins in 53 without the services of his strongest piece.

Jose Pares Vives (2375) – Marc Narciso Dublan (2340)
Barcelona 1994
Queen’s Indian Defence
1.d4 Nf6 2.Nf3 e6 3.c4 b6 4.a3 Be7 5.Nc3 d5 6.Qa4+ c6 7.cxd5 exd5 8.Ne5 Bb7 9.g3 Nfd7 10.Nd3 Bf6 11.Be3 0-0 12.Bg2 a5 13.0-0 Na6 14.Rad1 Re8 15.Nf4 Nc7 16.Bc1 Be7 17.e4 dxe4 18.Nxe4 Bf8 19.Be3 Rc8 20.Qb3 h6 21.Nc5 Ba6 22.Nxa6 Nxa6 23.Rc1 Nab8 24.Ng6 a4 25.Qc4 b5 26.Qa2 Bd6 27.Nf4 Nb6 28.Bh3 N8d7 29.Rcd1 Nc4 30.Bc1 Rc7 31.d5 c5 32.b3 axb3 33.Qxb3 Rb7 34.Nd3 Nf6 35.Qc2 Rbe7 36.Nf4 g5 37.Bb2 Nxb2 38.Qxb2 Be5 39.Qxb5 gxf4 40.d6 Ra7 41.d7 Rf8 42.Qxc5 Ra5 43.Qb4 fxg3 44.hxg3 Bc7 45.Qc4 Rxa3 46.Rc1 Bb6 47.Qf4 Nh5 48.Qd6 Rxg3+ 49.Kh2 Rg6 50.Rg1 Kh7 51.Rxg6 fxg6 52.Re1 Bc7 53.Re7+ Kh8 0-1


Long Thinks

We came across the following incident in the Life and Games of Mikhail Tal (Cadogan):

It is the Moscow International of 1967. Tal (who'd done a runner from hospital so he could play) is up against Uhlmann. One of the spectators, Grandmaster Gipslis (USSR), his game already finished, gets tired of waiting for Uhlmann to move. So he exits to watch The Barber of Seville at a neighbouring concert hall. Disappointed by the performance, Gipslis returns after the first act to see how they're getting on. He is amazed to see Uhlmann still sweating over the same move. The East German GM took
one hour forty minutes over his meditation. He lost. Tal goes on to record that, in their next game, Uhlmann thought for one
hour fifty minutes over a move. Nevertheless, and as fans of TEMCCA will know, this doesn't come close to the record. At Vigo in 1980, Santos v Trois started like this: 1.c4 e5 2.Nc3 Nf6 3.Nf3 Nc6 4. e4 Bc5 5. Nxe5 Bxf2+ 6. Kxf2 Nxe5 7. d4 ...and eventually (after two hours and twenty minutes of lucubration)...Ng6.

The Bard Answered

A mild criticism from the doyen of chess columnists this month. He accuses us of ‘lazy journalism’ in printing the full score of all these record breaking games. This, he suggests, is merely a cunning ruse for filling up space. Well yes indeedy, old timer. Of course it is. But as we have frequently pointed out, the fundamental journalistic principle that has guided this column since day one is: to produce the maximum amount of publishable junk with the least amount of effort. Rupert Murdoch has built a considerable fortune on this philosophy. (Next month, Nikolic-Arsovic: the large print version).

Speaking of Records

One of the less experienced players at Checkmate (MF's junior club), enchanted by winning several games with the Danish Gambit, decided to try it for Black. We watched, aghast, as his opponent set an unbeatable world record for pawn promotion: 1. e4 d5 2. exd5 c6 3. dxc6 Bf5 (as you do) 4. cxb7 Nc6 5. bxa8Q.

And speaking of Checkmate members, we can't resist pointing out that Sabrina Chevannes (grade 88), covered herself with glory at the 4NCL by drawing with Alex Tucker (Elo 2215) and Emily Howard (2047) in successive games. She also took a game off former Midland champ George Hill (BCF 150) recently.

Two for the Price of One

From Tristan Clayton Cambridge U. details of a winning manoeuvre that may be unfamiliar to some of our readers. It's from the Minor Section of the Surrey Easter Congress.

The game is Anon v. Anon, and they're both in time trouble. Black is a bishop down in a queen ending, but has a promising pawn on c2. He finally manages to promote it - but in his eagerness to grab a second queen he neglects to remove the aforesaid c2 pawn. White (his view of the pawn obscured by the queen) doesn't notice. He manages to swap his B+Q for Black's Q+Q, and is about to relax into a draw, when he is stunned to see his opponent queening the c2 pawn for the second time. Groggy from the
scramble, he is unable to figure out what has happened, and gets mated with seconds to go on both clocks.

The only witness to this appalling episode is Tristan, who decides to keep shtumm. Shame on you Tristan. An Oxford man would have told the arbiter.

LASTBUR 34462

The Grauniad has been at it again. A recent cartoon showed the conflict in the Balkans as a giant chess game, with Slobbo gazing at a chess board crammed with US rockets. Needless to say, the h1 square was black. And the BCF director of Games Fee and Grading has issued software for presentation of games for grading with a helpful icon in the shape of a
chessboard. Guess what colour the h1 square is? Thanks for all this to our revered President of LASTBUR, John Robinson.

Michael Harris Cyberspace has been playing a chess program called Expert Chess for Windows (Expert Software). Two of the optional boards (wood and marble) are the wrong way round. The sad thing is that Michael didn’t notice until he had played two games against the beast.

IAGOCOT 277654

Courtesy of ultra-suave PR supremo Robin Mackley a quote about Kev Keegan from May 2nd's Sunday Times: '...has much to learn about tactics and strategy, which are more important than ever in the chess game that is international football.'

Angus Johnston Oxford U. came across a chess reference in the course of his legal studies:
"We cannot recognize copyright as a game of chess in which the public can be checkmated" (Chess Justice Aldrigh in the US Court of Appeals, 2^nd Circuit, in the case of Morrissey v Proctor & Gamble 379 F 2d. 675 (1967)).

The Magnificent Seventeen

Organiser Andrew Zigmond sends us details of the great North Yorkshire Minor exploit featured in previous columns (every game was decisive). The numbers were not quite as large as we had been led to believe; only forty games were completed. Nevertheless, until someone can show us different, we are posting this as the record. So a much-prized FARCE norm to the combative Messrs. Blackwell, Burrett, Catron, Chambers, Clements, Coupe, Eggleston (D), Eggleston (T), Knowles, Heape, Jackson, Mackley, Morris, Pearce, Pottage, Thackery and Wells. Congratulations lads, you are all joint world record holders.

Sporting Greats

From the TV programme Sporting Greats: hard man Ellery Hanley, who is pretty widely regarded as the greatest Rugby League player of the century, revealed that since he hung up his boots, his two great sporting passions have been squash and chess.
We have more on Lennox Lewis; but you'll have to wait until next time.

Cabinet Chess

From Alan Clark's diaries (about Leon Brittan and the Westland affair): "It appeared that the Prime Minister had decided against a statement last night, and had opted for the ‘Resolute Defence’, as opposed to the ‘Muzio Gambit(!)’". Thanks to Mabel for this.