As a child I was privileged to be brought up in a loving, Christian home. I lived in Glasgow for most of my early years where my Father was the pastor at Faifully Evangelical Church.
     It was not until I had moved to Southampton and must have been about ten or eleven that I began to seriously consider or comprehend anything to do with Christianity or Christ.
     Not that this had much affect on my day-to-day life. I never considered my-self as a 'bad' child but since I left Scotland and joined junior school my behaviour only seemed to degenerate. I seemed to have a knack of making friends who were at best non-Christians and at worst a very bad influence on me. This is not to say that it was their fault that I was the sinner that I was.
     Secondary school did it's best to make me unhappy and sinful all at once. From year7 through to year 9 my grades only went down and I found that I couldn't really be bothered anymore. In year 9 I took enough abuse from so called friends to last an entire lifetime. Nearly all of what was said is far too insulting  to be repeated and far more imagination was used than just repeating 'Bible basher' over and over again.
     I had a few breakdowns sometimes at home in my bed-room and sometimes at school in the classroom but my parents were rarely informed by me about these and I tried not to let my parents or anyone know how awful I felt.
     I always did my very best to ignore God and appear normal with my friends and to appear too good on Sundays when guests came round. Funnily enough whenever people or friends started asking me or arguing with me about Christianity I nearly always had answers and became very involved and/or offended. It always seemed very strange wondering why I was defending the faith when I wasn't even a Christian.
     I remember talking to a one of my few Christian acquaintances outside of church who goes to Central Hall late one night at a friends sleep over. After a talking about differences for a while I felt it necessary to attempt to explain why I wasn't a Christian and my ultimate answer was I don't really know.
    Unfortunately although I’m sure he meant well he wasn't particularly helpful and I found out that his view was that I was probably the hardest type of person to be converted because I had a firm grasp of Christianity and it would be difficult to persuade me to become a Christian!
     I often thought of becoming a Christian and the scenarios in which it might happen and how good it would feel to tell my family and friends of the good news.
     During the year of 99 I went to my first Youth Holiday with the young people from Netley Christian Fellowship to Seven Oaks. I remember thinking how great it would be if I could go home a Christian and despite sitting through the morning talks on Job my heart seemed to be hardened, Like the mustard seed that fell on thorny soil my soul was taken up with the cares of the world far to soon to even consider for half a minute what had actually been said.
     As I kept going to Church and keeping up pretences to most people on all sides I found that the worst experience I ever had to go through, far worse than being taunted, was sitting thorough Communion. I always felt absolutely awful and downcast during the Communion service and couldn’t wait for it to be over. After Communion I usually found I couldn't really face people and often excused my self to do something like clean the communion things just so that I didn't have to talk anyone until the terrible feeling had worn off a bit.
     During the first week of August year 2000 I went with he young people from Netley on a 5 day camping holiday to the New Forest. I didn't even think of becoming a Christian or considering Christ I just went.
     Jonathan Swinglers' morning talks focused on salvation and there was a booklet which accompanied his talk It was on our third talk on Monday which I read a page in the booklet while Mr Swingler was doing his introduction which stated six steps which would help you become a Christian.

Confess your sins to Him, Thinking back over the years to things that particularly come into your mind.

Thank Him that he died for you, taking your punishment so that you can go free.

Ask him to forgive you and cleanse away the sin and guilt.

Ask him to come into your life as your personal Saviour

Tell Him that, to the best of your ability, and with His help, you will renounce sin and seek to live a new life which is pleasing to Him.

Thank Him for hearing and answering your prayer!

This made me feel pretty bad although I didn't know why then. It was during the midnight walks and in particular late on Monday evening that one girls explanation of her situation and difficulties particularly moved me. She was a Christian and the things she was talking about to do with her problems made me realize that she definitely had something that I lacked.
     At approximately 4am on Tuesday when everybody else had gone to bed I sat alone outside. I got up after thinking for about 5 minutes and went for a short walk down a fairly long hill into a valley. I remember looking out about halfway down and seeing how dark and misty everything was. I decided on the way down that I wasn't going to go back to the camp site unless I was a born again believer.
     At the bottom of the hill I sat on a fence and prayed. I remember praying something about not being distracted when I heard a strange noise in the field opposite me. After few seconds I realized that my thought had been broken up and I was a complete, useless failure.
     I got of the fence and lent on it and prayed that God would help me to become a Christian and put my faith in him because I knew, partly from past failed attempts, that it was absolutely hopeless for me to try and do anything. Most of my praying focused on God helping and keeping me. I felt that strangely relived and prayed still for help.
 I knew that God had forgiven me and that he was willing to look after me and keep me for ever more. I knew that he would be more faithful than a brother, certainly more faithful than I would be to him.
     I walked back  up the hill thanking God and asking Him for more help. When I was nearly at the top I remember turning around and looking down to the bottom of the hill again. I could not see the fence where I had prayed because of the mist and I remember pointing and saying out loud. My sin lies down there!
I got to my tent and found some money to go and phone my Mum. I told my mum rather nervously what had happened and she was delighted. After I put down the phone I cried for a few minutes. I can't quite remember why but I think now that it was because I felt the relief of Sixteen years of terrible sin lifted away from me and I did feel relived.
    I fell asleep quite quickly after that but I remember in the morning wondering if it had really happened. I did feel some doubt already and I tried to re-assure my self by asking God for help.
     When we had the morning talk we were handed another booklet which was for helping people who had just become Christians. On the second page I read that the devil would try to sow the seeds of doubt and ask questions such as 'How can I be sure I'm a Christian?' It reminded me that God was totally perfect and that he always keeps the promises he had made in the Bible.
    It was strange the way I felt the urge to read the Bible when I got home where as before I wouldn't even look at it from one day to the next. Everything I read seemed so real now and so important. Of course my parents were delighted and we started a devotional time that very night.
     The most important thing though is that I was saved and now that I have I feel so thankful that nothing happened to me during the previous sixteen years of my life and I owe absolutely everything to God who made it possible for me to become a Christian for 'with God all things are possible.'