Free at Last! (or, My Spiritual Healing)

by James

Following is an e-mail I sent to the ex-tian list when I realized I was finally emotionally healed from the Christian delusion. I left the ex-tian list for about a year, and now I have come back, not because I need the support any longer, but just because I enjoy the fellowship.

To: Ex-tian
From: James
Subject: I'm leaving the list...
Date: 3/27/98 7:46 PM

Hi, folks! I'm declaring myself healed of the Christian delusion and I am leaving the ex-tian list.

I want you to know that I think you folks are the greatest. Losing faith is a lonesome thing, and the existence of this list and the people who post to it gave me countless emotional boosts when I needed them most over the past year.

For some time now I have felt strong and happy and confident and free, and I believe that I am no longer in need of support. The ghost of my old Christian faith has faded away, and I have really already moved on to living and enjoying life in the here and now without superstition. Hence my own personal emotional state is healthy and vigorous, if I may be allowed to diagnose myself.

As for relationships that extend beyond my own internal mental life: my spouse and kids are happy and healthy without superstition, and potentially divisive influences from the outside are under control; I am confident that I have made myself competent and capable of maintaining mutually respectful relations with my believing relatives without yielding to pressure to conform to their way of thinking; and I am certain that I am competent and capable of handling the irritating impositions of miscellaneous religionists as they come my way.

In the intellectual area, I have now read widely enough that my curiosity about the origin, the history, and the present state of the Christian religion has been satisfied. (I had long ago read and studied enough to be convinced of its intellectual bankruptcy.) I can find much more interesting things to occupy my reading time now.

In the financial arena, well, I now have 10% of my gross income available to me to do with as I please, which I had previously squandered on the church. To borrow a famous phrase: where my treasure is, my heart is also -- namely, in this present life here and now! Enough said there.

To borrow another phrase from my past life of faith, I feel now as if I have been born again into a new life. Losing faith is like losing weight -- both improve one's health and make one feel wonderful.

Even though I am healed and moving on, however, I will sorely miss the pleasure of the company of all of you on the list, and I am ambivalent about leaving. I also have a desire to stay on the list and offer support to new unbelievers. But there's a whole big life to live out there, and I intend to live the rest of mine without the ball and chain of the Christian religion dragging on my mind and hindering me now as an unbeliever, as it did for 23 of my best years while I was a believer. I'm not expressing bitterness, but only a motivation for moving on.

It's truly been a pleasure to get to know you all, and I wish you all the best.

Best wishes for a happy life,

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