PREVIOUS WEEKLY INSTALLMENTS

From August 1999...

Saturday 7th August...This week I have mostly been eating Tom Cruise in Cocktail. Shitzers, man...I forgot to update on Friday this week..whoops. Mon and Juan were complaining about it, so I thought I should do it instead of leaving it 'til next week...so if there are any other people out there (although I seriously doubt it) upset and damaged by the fact I didn't update, tough shit, you weirdo. This week we've done nothing as usual...we've sat about. In fact, I don't even remember what we did. We went to see Austin Powers II, which we liked. We hung around behind the Galleries at Borders and ran away from a corpse who was chasing us. We saw a guy falling down some stairs, which was quite fantastic...and Juan is upset because some hotel haven't fixed their curtains...and we put up more Carnage Candy posters...we completed our demo tape and we've shifted quite a few already...Umm...what else did we do? I don't frickin' know. Me and Mon discovered the wonderful world of Playstation at Lorraine's house as we played Tekken II all night. Nothing much else to say, I can't be arsed writing this week...sorry...Eyb...Stay beautiful!!!

Friday 13th August...This week I have mostly been eating cheese 'n' onion crisps. Ooooh, spoo kay man...it's Friday 13th which means Jason is going to chase us around and then kill us, even though in the first one, it wasn't even Jason...and even though, he didn't have that cool hockey mask until part three or something...but anyway...I can't believe they're not putting any good horror movies on tonight...bastards. Anyway, this week was pretty cool...no-one likes our demo tape...yay! In some ways that's good, and in some ways that's bad...we expected everyone to hate it, we're not the most accessible of bands...in fact, we're probably the most self-alienating band I've ever heard of. We went to see Rico play in Missing Records the other day, and he was frickin' cool, and then we met him and he signed stuff for us...he looks like Jeff Goldblum. Anyway, I gave him a demo tape which he probably hasn't listened to...damn you, Rico. Then we all went into Glasgow on Wednesday at 8:00 AM for the eclipse (which wasn't until 11:11...happy birthday...diggydigdiggy..) and we sat around...Fitzy pulled an all-nighter by watching Wayne's World...two and a half times...weirdo. The eclipse was disappointing, we all agreed...but that's just because we're an MTV generation who needs everything NOW and RIGHT FUCKING NOW or we'll change the channel. I pity the youth. I am the youth, and I pity the youth...you fuck my wife? ENOUGH!! Eyb...Stay beautiful!!!

Friday 20th August...This week I have mostly been eating my own genitals. Fuck fuck fuck fuck...That was a foursome. AAAaaargh, I can't be bothered writing the weekly installment this week, I'm not in the mood. Up yer bum. Up yer bum with a big knife as well. Mon phoned 1471 this week and the woman said : "You were called today at 8:15 pm, the caller with-held their number." And this was all funkydory, and then the bitch said : "Please hang up." Well, dear old Mon isn't going to stand for that nonsense, so he threw abuse at the woman, and she hung up. Cow. Eyb...Stay beautiful!!!

Friday 27th August...This week I have mostly been eating canned goods full of meaty chunks. Ok, ya filthy swine...it's Saturday, technically...but it's only 12:08 AM or something, so I still class this Friday, don't you? Well! This week's been exciting like a lion tamer taming a shrew, hasn't it? I started college this week...it was ok. A bit of dump, but servicable...me and THE WATTERS goto the same college, doing exactly the same course, so that's pretty cool...but we met some people, one called Matthew and another called Malcolm who asked the best question in the world : "Do any of you like...swords?" I laughed my pretty little bumcheeks onto the floor, which was cold. We also saw some guy sitting in the train station playing a mouth organ, and he was frickin' great. I love him. There are no goths, however, and we are deeply disappointed...we expected at least one. There are two skater dudes who "like da Chilis an' dat", but they "hate da goffs, man" because, apparently "they gee ye attitude dat ye don't wahnt, man" Piss up a rope, you ever heard me give attitude? I give more head that I give attitude, boys. That's enough from me, the lord that is Miguel. Eyb...Stay beautiful!!!

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