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From January 2000...

Sunday 2nd January...This week I have mostly been eating the surfing dead. Long silence....DO YOU WANNA PAAAARTY? A big zombie emerges from its grave. It's partytime. It's not a bad question, Burt. Hello! It's now the year 2001 AD...I'm sorry I never got the chance to write on Friday, but I was actually really busy, and yesterday I was just really tired due to the millennium bash we threw...oot the windae, man. Naw, man...we put on "Partytime" and danced the night away with the lovely ladies, like the Ghostbusters did. Anyway, during the time since I've last spoken as your master, Christmas has been, and it was lovely. Lots of new films to review for you...I haven't actually reviewed half of them yet, but I will. I also went to see Dogma in the cinema, and it was quite good...better than I had expected anyway. And who's idea was it to put on "Weird Science" the other night...it put us all to sleep, then woke us up when it decided to sing "Weeeird Science" at us. I preferred the sequel : "Relatively Familiar And Totally Normal Science", which is about magneticism, and not about young boys with bras on their heads. Hang on, in Weird Science, Kelly LeBrock had an English accent, but they didn't choose that on the computer...Alright, THAT's the unrealistic part to focus on...Enough of this madness. Happy new year from the "I'm Sad Again" crew, Steve and Jim. Let's make it a good one, end all suffering, except for bastards...EYB!

Friday 7th January...This week I have mostly been eating various contents of a medicinal cabinet. Hodgekins. How are you? I, Miguel have spoken. Another week has passed (well, actually, I wrote on Sunday last time), and not much has went on, however, I don't seem to notice it at the time. Anyway, this week, nothing much has happened. Ho! We recorded a song in the garage on Wednesday, but it wasn't up to much...however, upon listening to it again, (especially with the aid of Fletch's superwalkman) it wasn't so bad. I probably ate chips this week at some point, and I definitely took a shit, so that's quite cool. God, one week into the year 2000 and already I've taken 430 shite (for this is the plural of shit, so said me). Lala. I don't know what to say...every time I think of something I wonder if I put it into last week's edition. I really should read the previous weekly installments...and, yes, that is a plug...you can read them, and remember the good old days of last year. This website has nearly been up a year...doesn't feel like it does it? Feels like 365 days to me. And on that note, the Carnage Candy page will be getting updated shortly, and it's cooler than an ice cube. Seeya next week, pals...EYB!

Friday 14th January...This week I have mostly been eating strawberries and ham. Holy guacamoale, man, we're going to see Filter soon. Anyway, today I went with Lorraine to lots of music venues so she could take photos for her college project, and I ended up on stage at the Barrowland (A big Glasgow venue, which is tiny, like a wee Juan-penis) and I liked it. We also saw the backstage area, which is shite. No wonder bands complain...in general. We watched Don Calfa of Return Of The Living Dead fame play a brilliant role in Weekend At Bernie's. Never has that film been so funny. Ho, what else happened? We finally got a good song recorded for our new demo tape, I starred in Fletch's advert for our TV class today, and we all went to see Sleepy Hollow, which I liked, however, everyone else seemed to think it was "a'right..."...damn you all, I like Johnny of the Depp variety. So, what else has been going down? Well, I've been very tired, so I've been doing that thing where you close your eyes for long periods of time. Masturbating, yes, that's what it's called. Anything else worth mentioning? Don't think so...oh, well...that'll do for this week, chums...goodbye and farewell...where's Fitzy?! I haven't seen him for ages...EYB!

Friday 21st January...This week I have mostly been eating videos wrapped in a white plastic bag with black tape. When you play Tekken 3, and do a special move, why do the fighters yell out the names of famous dictators? "Hussein!" , "Hitler!" , "Mussolini!" , "William Hague!" , "Bill Clinton!" Oh, I don't know....Right, it's nearly been a year that the webshite has been online, so click here - BIRTHDAY! Nothing much happened this week. I bought a Batman Giga Fighter thing so that I could battle the evil Juan in face to arse combat. Ha, Juan's poorly trained Bobin Warrior didn't stand a chance against my 1 day old Batman : "Don Calfa". You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you? I directed my 1 minute advert today at college, and apparently, it's good...I didn't much like it myself...Light Of Day was on this week, and we watched it as Trent Reznor engaged in a round of fisticuffs with Michael J Fox and his sellotaped ear. Trent won, because he wasn't as weak as the wee guy in the arcade that The J Fox beats up near the end. Well, that's it really...I haven't done anything else. God...this week was boring in retrospect. I think I might go and pack it all in...to boxes and ship it to Taiwan. Sorry about this, I'll do something interesting next week...EYB!

Sunday 30th January...This week I have mostly been eating John Killer. Aye, it's Sunday...but you see, I contracted this strange foreign disease which means I think Sundays are Fridays, so, that explains it. Luckily, however, I was cured. Alright, alright, you Nazis, I just didn't update. It's not really my fault, I haven't been in. This week, we ran about. I recorded sound in a film shot in a huge big field in which Fletch had to swing about a large sword in the pouring rain, and I was all wet and miserable, but then I had to star in Juan's trailer for his up and coming movie : "Twins Of Chaos"...it was fantastic. We have acquired tickets for Douglas Coupland's talk on philosophy at the Tron Theatre and Rachel Stamp tickets. Aww, we're going to see Filter on Tuesday, even though Richard Patrick (of T2 brotherhood fame) is a budgero. Remember to vote for the birthday celebrations (especially, you, Mon, ya bastard!), so click here - BIRTHDAY!!! I now have lots of Friday the 13th films, plus a Spiderman video, which we watched today and thought was shit. We're planning to make a film next Saturday, so stay tuned...EYB!

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