PREVIOUS WEEKLY INSTALLMENTS

From July 1999...

Friday 2nd July...This week I have mostly been eating Nazi scum. May your Christmas be snowy, Joey...aren't we all supposed to be dead or something? Alright, maybe I'm mistaken, but I thought it was the seventh day of the seventh month 1999 that Nostradamus had predicted...where did all these other dates come from? I think they're just trying to confuse me...yes, me personally. So when is it then? Ahh, who cares anyway? We'll all be dead...here's to the millennium bug. Awww, it was Fitzy's birthday on Wednesday, so happy birthday Fitz, and there IS a difference between Scotch Pies and Mince Pies...or whatever, I can't remember. Fitzy pretended that there WASN'T a difference when we all knew for sure there WAS a difference...Fitzy lies like a tramp on a parkbench.."Crazy drunk pedestrians..." Ok, so, this week my parents went away so I've been sitting about watching videos. There was a Wayne's World fest, a National Lampoon's Vacation fest...and err...a watching of Hot Shots. Still plenty of time to watch my entire video collection. Yes, that's including Zombie Flesheaters. That don't impress me much...Oh, the quote of the week SHOULD have been "Are you kidding? This is a Magnum P.I." - Chevy Chase (Clark W. Griswold in National Lampoon's Vacation) which me and Mon found hilariously funny, but I opted for a show-off intellectual quote instead...What the hell is the length of this weekly installment all about? Enough of this shit, EYB...Stay beautiful!!!

Friday 9th July...This week I have mostly been eating Nostradamus' theories and predictions. Welcome to the house of fun. No pain no gain, no fish no foul, no socks no shoes, no hair no haircut. It is I, the king of illiterature. How's it hanging? Well, I'm still alive, so either I have 666 tattooed somewhere or Nostradamus was wrong. But then Mon informed me that there are billions of other interpretations of his predictions, so all through this year, we're going to die. Or is it going to be the year 3000? Who really gives a flying furry front door? Not me! Well, this week was relatively uneventful as usual. Except, we went round to Fitzy's on Saturday to celebrate his birthday. We ended up moshing, eating hot dogs (or dribbling them all over the floor), finding Fitzy's porn, and watching "Howard The Duck", although, I fell asleep because I'm a weakling. And I think that's about all we did. Oh, how could I forget Watters getting angry and shouting at his little stalkerbobby Gordon, who lives next to Fitzy? And then Gordon's dad marched over and demanded he spoke to Watters. So, when Watters made an appearance, Gordon's daddypoos ran away...hmm... Watters also dyed his hair RED this week. Well, it's off to Milton Keynes tomorrow to see the lovely Marilyn Manson, Placebo and Pitchshifter...oooh-yeah. Well actually, it's 2:00 AM tomorrow morning we're leaving, so it'll feel like we're leaving tonight. So, if you never hear from me again that means I died. So, it was nice knowing you and everything. But if you do hear from me again, then I didn't die, and by the way, it WASN'T nice knowing you, you piece of scum. EYB!...Stay beautiful!!!

Friday 16th July...This week I have mostly been eating groupies. Hi. I have returned... Well, howzitgawn? This week's been pretty eventful actually...the first in a long while, I'd say...wouldn't you? First of all, we went to Milton Keynes for The Big Day Out on Saturday...to read that story go here - THE BIG DAY OUT! It was good, although, the bus journey was horrible... And then, the day we came back, we got a phone call asking if we could play the Arena on Thursday...Well, I might just manage that, I said, and here's the review : GIG REVIEW. Aww, funkin', man... So, apart from that, nothing much has happened! We came back on Sunday, got tickets off Kelvin on Monday, practiced on Tuesday, went into Glasgow to give tickets to people on Wednesday, and on Thursday we played a gig...lovely week. And now it's Friday, but nothing much has happened yet, because it's only 12:50 pm-ish. My parents came back from America yesterday, so I no longer have the house to myself, but Juan's mater and pater are off on holiday on Saturday so it's a right old knees-up there... What the fuck is a knees-up anyway? Is that like sitting down? Or just jumping, and lifting your knees? I don't know...get me a cock...ney expert in here NOW! Eyb...Stay beautiful!!!

Friday 23rd July...This week I have mostly been eating the last of the Mohicans. Please specify parameters...NAW! Well, my kiddies, how are you all this week? Not much has happened really. We're all still alive we think. On Saturday, we put lots of Carnage Candy posters up in Glasgow only to have them ripped down by either adoring fans, neds or weirdos who rip down posters...but fear not, we replaced them on Tuesday...but Juan says some had been taken down again when he went to see Star Wars all by himself (awww...), so we'll replace them again on Saturday...you can't keep a good erection down, can you? Anyway, we stayed at Juan's on Saturday and Tuesday, and we managed to get through lots of films like The Crow, Ace Ventura, Robin Hood Men In Tights, Halloween H20 and Superman IV. But no-one would let me watch Leprachaun...too scared, I imagine...On Thursday we did some recording in Mon's garage...we got quite a few songs done, but only one of them is servicable...damnit. But I really shouldn't be telling you all this, you can read it from the Carnage Candy webshite. So, this weekly installment wasn't too good, was it? No doubt Juan will be complaining....apart from him and Mon, no-one ever reads this anyway...Eyb...Stay beautiful!!!

Friday 30th July...This week I have mostly been eating Fitzy's number threes. Bored bored and bored... Well, how are you? I'm bored. This week's been intensely boring...well, that's not entirely true...last night was intensely boring. We paid lots of money (£1) for a ticket to the Arena and did we get let in? Did we fuck...due to the dude that owns the place being in a bad mood he decided not to let anyone without ID into the club...but we frickin' gave him more than half his business the other week...Talk about gratitude. But fear not, we made a night of it, we went back to Mon's house and played Monopoly...well, Fitzy did (apparently he was "The Master", and Watters decided he was "The Banker"), and now Catherine owes him BIG TIME. Juan played Jenga in the corner by himself while the rest of us watched Cartoon Network. Apart from last night, this week we've managed to record only ONE more song (although we're meant to be recording today...) and get our photos taken...they're quite funky...we also managed to put lots of posters up in Glasgow only to have them taken down again...budgies...We also sat about round the back of the Galleries a lot...we're starting to like it there...I don't know what to say, this week's been pretty boring as you might've guessed...Eyb...Stay beautiful!!!

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