PREVIOUS WEEKLY INSTALLMENTS

From March 1999...

Fuck it! This week I have mostly been eating James Dean. Well, hello! This whole webpage nonsense is so new to me that I forgot to update for ages...tut-tut. Well, it's been an eventful...err...week or so...Well, no it hasn't, but that sounded good. Oh! We have tickets to Milton Keynes... oh goody, Rev Mansonwanson, here we come! Only trouble is, Watters' stalkerbobby, Gordon is stalking us down there...the little bitch. Oh, and DON'T go to see Shakespeare In Love, it sucks like a cheap hooker on heroin. Nominated for frickin' billions of awards? It's the biggest pile of shite I've seen since Stewarty last took a dump (not that I watch him in the toilet or anything...err...). WELL! Sorry about not updating (yeah, like you care!!!!), but I should from now on...OH, and this is Wednesday, not Friday, but from now on I should be updating on Fridays, ok? Stay hard, AMEN!!!

Friday, 12th March... This week I have mostly been eating Rayna from Coal Chamber... Howdy! Well, the last time I updated this was Wednesday, and as I said then, I've updated today (ie FRIDAY!)... but unfortunately, not a lot has happened since then...oh poo! I saw a big fat bald guy burst out laughing suddenly yesterday in Glasgow, and it made me spit cookies everywhere and laugh my little arse off. I've also managed to successfully buy my mother a mother's day gift without killing anyone... Oh, also, yesterday, my jacket was stolen by the horrible teachers in my school, the bastards!!! All because they're not smart enough to understand its spraypainted slogan...bitches! Right, well, I'm off out tonight, so I better get my skates on...that's just an expression by the way...Stay hard, my lovelies!!!

Friday 19th March...This week I have mostly been eating Magnum P.I. Hello, children. I almost forgot to update this week...that would've been horrific wouldn't it? I saw "This Year's Love" at the cinema, and that was pretty crappy...better than that Shakespeare shite anyway. Did you know they have bouncers in McDonald's at night? With suits and ties? Funky or what?! This week I've been fascinated with Tom Selleck's Magnum P.I. theme music...it's funkinwunkin, man. Oh, ROD HULL's dead! He was fixing his rod on the roof, and then there was somebody at the door and he fell off and Emu couldn't save him, because emus can't fly...damnit. Although, we think Emu wanted to go solo and bumped Rod off... Rod didn't fall...dumdumduuum, he was pushed!!!! My good friend Juan Fish Kennedy has written a little ode about it, here we are : ROD POEM! Wasn't that touching? There'll be a special page on my site with this poem (and other wonderful stuff like that) very soon...Right, well, I should go, kiddies...Stay hard, men.

Friday 26th March...This week I have mostly been eating Rod Hull's rod (which is very broad). Hello, my lovelies. Well, it's been another week here on Walton's mountain...with absolutely NOTHING interesting going on. I haven't had a very good week actually...not only did I smash my face in with my bass guitar, but I also burnt my eyebrow with the piercing, so now it looks all sore...OUCHYWOUCHY!!! However, I did manage to see Scooby Doo this week, which was funky, because it had words like "Zoinks!" and "Double-ugly", so that's cool. Oh, and neddy popular assholes who can't spell don't like us because we're (apparently) "gothics". Uhh...?! Stupid people should be killed. They've been writing stuff about us all over our sixth year common room in school...normally I wouldn't mind, but their spelling is atrocious. I was wearing lovely tights on Sunday, and I think I'll be wearing them again on Monday for the Backyard Babies signing thing... Juan's written some more funkass poems which will be added shortly...I think that's enough this week...Eybypoos! Stay hard, men.

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