Massacre At Central High
As reviewed by Miguel Crapola Kesey
Apparently this used to be called "Blackboard Massacre", but they realised there were no blackboards in the whole film, so they changed it, because there were plenty of Central Highs...
This is another excellent b-movie...in fact, it's almost a z-movie...it says on the back it's a minor cult classic...probably among the actors however...
The cover shows a guy with a blue face wielding an axe, ready to chop some people up for dinner like scones on a Tuesday, however, don't be fooled, this doesn't happen at all...and, fear not, we weren't disappointed!
Fletch gave me this video for my birthday, and we're all eternally grateful.
What actually happens is, new boy, David, arrives at the school and disagrees with the local bullies' bullying techniques, and punches them about a bit when they try to rape some girls (one of them being some bitch who seems to keep her breasts hanging out for half the film...). The bullies go DOOOOOWN (in the nicest possible way...) but they want revenge on poor David, so they drop a car on him...which isn't as elaborate as it sounds... and then David, so it says, becomes a cripple...yes, a guy with a fucking limp. That's not a cripple! He's got a sore leg!
Anyway, David wants revenge on the bullies, so he ends up killing them all in really frickin' cool ways...like emptying pools of water so they fall on their faces, and breaking their hang-gliders...fantastic! But, it gets even better when other people take the bullies' place in the school, and David decides to kill them as well...
So, limpy David eventually ends up blowing up some fat guy, and during the explosion, Juan noticed some guy running into the fire...oh, how we laughed...and rewound the tape to watch it again.
Then it gets like Heathers, (or Heathers gets like this!) and David plans to blow up the school...but, in the long run, only blows up himself (strangely leaving a little tiny fire on the ground...) and then the film ends with its fabulous porn soundtrack, and it's token crap song called "Crossroads".
"So, what were his choices at the crossroads? Insanity or sanity?!" screams Juan at the end, then deciding to frighten Fitzy by jumping out at him going : "Awww, I'm David!"
Fabulous movie...
Although, we did notice there were no teachers in the whole film...
VISIT OUR MASSACRE AT CENTRAL HIGH SOUNDS PAGE TO DOWNLOAD SOME "DAVID!!!!" SAMPLES, MAN...