Murphy's Law
As reviewed by Miguel Certifiable Kesey
"I don't like mayonnaise!" screeches Charles Bronson of Death Wish and Great Escape (in which he played the Spanish tunnel-king!) fame...that's right, this is one hell of a movie...No one messes with Jack Murphy...or whatever his first name is. In the heat of the shite, Murphy is arrested for throwing his groceries at a car and is subsequently handcuffed to a foul-mouthed lady of the night who calls him a "chicken-bummed mother blodgerer" and a "turkey legged moral bumper sticker" and other insults that are deeply stupid.
I don't know what else happened in this film...we were all too busy doing Scottish Robocops. But anyway, something happened, and we found out Murphy didn't like mayonnaise on his sandwiches...he hated it so much he had to tell us twice... "I don't like mayonnaise...I don't like mayonnaise!", but alas, the foul-mouthed hooker gave him mayonnaise and he creamed his pants.
Juan had seen this film before, and the mayonnaise part was the only bit he remembered.
Then, something else happened, so Murphy and the foul-mouthed prostitute ended up in some sort of warehouse where they became separated...Murphy was shot at with a crossbow and some amazing sound effects.....Wooooosh BOOOING.
Then the foul-mouthed hooker ("You rat-faced nozzle-squabbling litter-beefing hornet-molesting bumplugger") got shot in the back and Murphy went "Nooo!!!" and we all laughed and watched that bit about ten times because his hair moves about.
Then, after being stabbed in the stomach, Murphy manages to jump down a flight of stairs, while clutching himself on the wound, and kick the bad guy in the face... what a guy...
Then at the end, Murphy and the foul-mouthed callgirl are in stretchers and they're still alive somehow, and they exchange friendly banter...
And that's about it...
Now for Murphy's Law II...in which Bronson screams "I still don't like mayonnaise, but I'm partial to the odd bit of salad" twice.