Notting Hill
As reviewed by Miguel Catapult Kesey
Well, I went to see Notting Hill, which strangely enough might've been quite interesting if the seats in the cinema weren't so friggin' uncomfortable.
Anyway, the film stars Huge Grant, most known for his role as a pimp in Starsky & Hutch, and Julia Roberts, who plays a prostitute in ITV's hit situationist comedy "Minder". In the film, however, these characters are awkwardly cast as other people. Hugh (if I may call him Hugh... Perhaps Fly Guy would be a more formal name) plays a nervous, boring, completely useless, probably voting Conservative (or Labour as they've come to be known) at the next election, Star Trek consuming, spiky cock-ring wearing travel book store manager in a little place called Notting Hill (strangely enough) in London, which is near Moscow.
Julia Roberts plays an intensely famous actress who is also ugly, and one day she suddenly enters Huge's shop. Ho hum, the comedy begins. Then she and Huge go out with each other, then they don't, then they do, then they don't, and then finally, he rejects her and then accepts her, and they all live happily ever after. Both characters interact with loads of other equally tiresome characters and people find it funny apparently, which I guess it was...sometimes...although, not always. In fact the only really funny thing about the film was...well...err....I dunno...maybe the fact that you can go : "Ahhh-haha, Hugh Grant, you dirty sphincter, we all know you like your pros and cons..."
It's a typical crap film really, which I guess wasn't that bad, but there was nothing gripping about it, so I couldn't watch it for complaining about the fucking seats being uncomfy. Damn you, ABC Cinema...I used to like your cinema, at least you people believe I'm 18.
Well, that was that film...I recommend it, if you're an arse. I'm totally scuzzed out, so I'm off to read Horse & Hound...