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From September 1999...

Friday 3rd September...This week I have mostly been eating freshly cooked jobbies. Whit? September already? Yesterday I was only 8. Don't gimme that nonsense. Well, this week's went quickly I must say...and I've said it, so my need has been fulfilled. On Saturday we went over to Mon's house to celebrate his birthday (which was actually on Monday, but don't tell him) and we got him "Murphy's Law" and a big picture of Will Smith for him to wank over. Happy birthday, Mon. You're now old enough to shave. We had a gig on Wednesday night which was quite shite...the sound was awful, and there was hardly anyone there...although, we did only have two days notice. Hopefully we'll be getting another one soon. Today, we practiced and wrote loads of new songs, which will replace all those Manics covers in the set. Thank fudge for that, I was getting bored with them. Well, can't think of much else to say actually...cheezybiscuits. Eyb...Stay beautiful!!!

Saturday 11th September...This week I have mostly been eating latecomers. Oh, right...so, what? I'm late again...eh? You're going to shout at me for that, are you? Well, I couldn't help it, I haven't been able to check my mail all week either...if I wait until Saturday, it's cheaper to use the Internet...but fear not, next week, it'll be back to Friday. Shut the fuck up, I don't have to explain myself to you, I'll update when I feel like it, you fascists... Ok, well, not much has happened this week... We had to be filmed talking about chocolate on Wednesday for our TV class...which turned into one of our typical arguments : "It's your fault..." , "Naw, it isnae...", "Aye, it is...", "Naw, it isnae..." Anyway, you know what I'm talking about... Fitzy and Juan went to get stuff signed by My Ruin, and Tairrie B wrote : "To Micheal"...NO!!!! The infamous wrong spelling....die, Tairrie, DIE! No offence or anything...uhh.. Fitzy also managed to tell lots of lies and slag off the bass player's Spice Girls watch to her face...charming! He also scored the winning goal, and then dug a tunnel to escape because they wanted him to eat soup. Now, fack off...EYB!

Friday 17th September...This week I have mostly been eating Doc Brown. How come when I phoned people on Thursday they were all sleeping? We're all very shocked that D'arcy's leaving the Smashing Pumpkins, and we all wish it was James Iha, because he's a CODGER! Oh, yeah, and thanks very much Kelvin for calling us and getting us that gig on Thursday night...yeah, that one we haven't heard anything about...yeah, that one that we were supposedly booked for...yeah... actually, I don't blame you, Kelvin-dude, I blame the ruler of castle Arena. Fitzy shouted "Ooo-ooo" at neds this week and they all turned their heads towards him simultaneously...it's an evil nedcult! Cult Of Obese-arsed Neds! C.O.O.N. I was a vision mixer on Wednesday in college, and I mixed visions like a genius...I'm a god in the field of mixing visions. I mix visions amazingly...it's like nothing you've ever seen before. Wave your hands in the air like you just don't care, ya scabby-arsed bastard. On Friday we wrote new songs...and then we shouted "Happy meals, happy meals, happy meals, big Macs..." The end. Now, fack off...EYB!

Friday 24th September...This week I have mostly been eating Dudley Moore. What do you think I am? Some kind of mad man? Hi! And welcome to another week in the fascinating life of moi, John. This week, we did nothing at all...haw haw! Actually, Borders are being arseholes (still) and I've written a report about it : BORDERS REPORT so I won't bother filling you in (haw haw) with all that nonsense...just read the page and eat cheese. I had a dream about prostitutes in graveyards. We had a gig on Thursday...I think Kelvin read the page and felt a tiny bit of guilt, or maybe he didn't...well, thanks for putting us on...even though it was the same night as a Cyclefly concert...yeah, like anyone's going to prefer us to Cyclefly...even though we're 10 times as good, and have better hair. Awww... I went to see Analyze This...it wasn't bad... there'll probably be a review of it soon...And what else happened? Nothing! Fitzy had to go home to get his dinner. I sure hope it wasn't soup, otherwise tunnels might've been dug. Right, that's enough from me and my monkey. The end. Now, fack off...EYB!

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