The Terminator
As reviewed by Miguel Cryptorchid Kesey
The Term In Ator stars Arnold Schwarzenborgen as a huge cyborg from the future who comes back to 1984 to kill the mother of the leader of the rebellion in the future...simple enough stuff, but to make the movie intensely exciting (wayhay), the rebels literally "toss" Michael Biehn back to stop the Terminator and destroy the time displacement thingy, so it's just "him and me"...or whatever.
You should know the story, you uncultured swine.
The version I watched was crappily dubbed when it was first shown on TV in the late 80s/early 90s, and it says things like : "Take this you motherf...." And I wasn't quite sure what "motherf" meant, so I took the liberty of calling up the TV company and asking them what it meant, and they promptly hung up on me, the bastards.
One part about Termy Naitor was the crappy love part in it...I mean, whadda fack?! Ok, Michael Biehn comes back and after an hour or two of running like jobbies on fire he declares his love for Linda Hamilton...what a lot of shit...and then there's the really porn-esque sex scene...what's with the gripping and crap? Man, James Cameron must've really been popping some acids that day, I'm telling you.
Of course, there are some classic scenes, for instance : "Sarah Conner..?" , "Yes?" , clankety clankety clank ....BOOOM!
And of course, the "I'll Be Back" scene in which R Nay drives a big car through the police station and I laughed....and then I stabbed myself with a telescopic fork.
The Terminator has some shitty synth music near the end which made me laugh and Sarah Conner ends up driving around in a red jeep that says "Renegade" on it...funkydoodledandy!
All in all I'd give The TermINator 19 out of 7, and a good thumbs up...nice one Jimmy. Although, T2 has cooler music...got rid of the synth, did you, James?