Total Recall
As reviewed by Miguel Cohaagen Kesey
Arnie is back, yet again...like he said he would be, and, alas, he was. This time, it's another Carolco production (before they went bankrupt because somebody went : "Hold on, these films are fucking shite!") and Arnie is, yet again, a big man with muscles, running about shouting crap.
However, I quite like this film...I think it's well written, even though it's full of awkward one-liners, for instance, Arnie shouts "Screeeew yoooou!!!" just before he drills some guy's head in. Fantastic.
Anywho, it's about R Knee, and he's playing err...Randy Quaid or Dennis Quaid, or something like that...no, Douglas Quaid, that's right...who is living happily in a futuristic home in the future with his wife, Lori, played by Shah Ron Stow N. However, Big Quaid keeps having dreams about Mars (where, of course, as we all know, you can visit and stay in the future) as if he's been there...so, he goes to this company called Rekall who will implant memories into your mind to make it seem as if you actually HAVE been to Mars... and from then on the story gets too complicated...so, fuck off.
It's all twisted and mixed up...it turns out that Quaid has actually been to Mars, and he used to be a guy called...err...Housenhosen or something stupid like that, and then he gets chased by these guys who want to kill him because he realises he was someone else...
And then it turns out he WAS someone else, but he was working for the bad guys... (The token almighty bad guy played by Ronny Cox, of "I think you better do what he says, Mr. Kinny" fame...yes, that's right, it's the good old Dick Jones from Robocop...he won't make a mistake, but if he does, it's time to erase that mistake...ooh, this was a long piece of parenthesis) So, it gets all complicated.
The baddies try to turn him back into his old self, but he goes : Noooo...because his old self was an asshole and was a baddie, and, oh, just watch the frackin' film... you've probably seen it a billion times anyway...
So, what I'm trying to say is that it was pretty good.
Apart from the occasional lapse into a lot of shit...