Scientific Theories about Life

Gumpersons Theorum: The probability of anything happening is inversely proportional to its desirability.

The principle concerning multifunctional devices: The fewer functions any device is required to perform, the more perfectly it can perform those functions.

If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.

Jenning's Corollary: The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods.

The number of green traffic lights encountered in the course of travel is inversely proportional to the urgency of travel.

The size of the cut you inflict on yourself while shaving is directly proportional to the importance of the event you're about to attend.

The velocity of the wind is in direct proportion to the cost of your new haircut.

The First Clarke Law states, "If an elderly but distinguished scientist says that something is possible he is almost certainly right, but if he says that it is impossible he is very probably wrong."
- Arthur C. Clarke

Back to Quotations Page!