Click for FREE Hillbilly insults
(compliments of Hillbilly Gibbs)
The
WOODBURY HILLBILLIES
(click the flag if you dont hear the music )
If'n yo got sum time on yo're hands ya'll can send a message
for the page by clickin on that thar Squire fella down thar bottom.
has fallen madly for a purdy Tennessee Hillbilly Girl
(Hillbilly Youngan ) who is happily
married with a bunch of Youngans herself. Gladis is too stupid to see his Love is in vain
and is trying desperately to reach his Love in Woodbury but has a poor sense of
direction.Having found his way to Tennessee ( but really Russia, India, Pakistan, Tibet)
he is now in China ( also believing its Tennessee)and is not far from his love.
Meanwhile:- Hillbilly
JessyJane
( Youngans big sister) is hankering after getting her hands on a An English
Country Squire and is doing her darnest to make her way to England - with a sense of
direction equal to that of Gladis. Having bussed and walked herself to almost every town
called England in the USA she has been abducted (briefly) by an Alien (Quiblon) and
dropped off at Neverland to spend a short break from her travels with a strange person
called Jackson.
Hillbilly Buddy 
having
been rejected by the lovely ( ? ) JessyJane, has given up the bottle and taken to the
still and is hoping to make his fortune trading Elixir and Outhouses with the Alien,
Quiblon.
The Exalted Quiblon 
Commander
of Spacecraft LXR4, has discovered the secret locations of the Elixir stills and is busy
trying to trade for the wondrous liquid with Hillbilly Buddy and the strange Capt. Kilt 
of the Starship McGonagle and has offered to supply him in return
with various women for his Glasgow Ladies Knitting Circle and Starship crew.
Messages spin across the world with
additional comments from Hillbilly relatives and friends ' The True Queen of England '
(Certified Nut ) and other equally nutty Hexthrowr 
whos eyesight is
begining to cause great concern in the town of Woodbury.
READ ON…..
Ma dear sistar,I must say,it is most certainly good ta see you but I must be gettin
back to tha Dairy Queen in Woodbury!My King needs me!Not ta mention I have fallen in love
with this 'man' who flew in thru tha drive up winda and landed on our hotdog warmar(it was
wrongly reported that it was a hamburgar grill,but evrabody knows we don't serve
hamburgars in tha Woodbury DQ.We lost our rights ta do so when tha deal was made years
ago)I must be gettin back ta tha big city, whare is this place called Nevar Land
annyhows?I can't stay till week aftar next!Please send me home.....Git off me you
animule!!!!Sistar git this here monkey off me!!!!Ma subjects,ma subjects I'll be home
soon......(Oh I most certainly love tha draperies here....)
HillBilly Hick(thets Youngan useta be
Youngans!!!Youngans!!!Give me them thare tire irons.Pa's got a flat on tha truck I
needs ta fix it fer him.Whut in tarnation is thet!?Its black n blue n yeller n green alls
over.It must be won uv them thare alleniated alliens!Whut happen ta yeu thare little black
n blue n yeller n green feller?N how did yeu wind up here in tha holler?Naw,I ain't
predgidust against green fellers...why I got me a little green froggy husband!See I ain't
scarry a tall.Yeu needs ta watch out fer ma youngans tho.PUT THEM TIRE IRONS DOWN
NOW!!!!!!I ain't gona bea tellin yeuens agin!Come on in n we'll be seein bout ya.
HillBilly Hick(thets Youngan useta be
This be HillBilly Hick Youngan here...agin.I's jest so tore up I done knoe whut ta
do..I finnally brung maself ta kiss ma old man Tater toad ta brang him back ta his old
glory self when this here deputy feller knocked on ma door.Handed me a note thet wuz
signed wit an X.A chill ran upt ma spine n I knoed it wuz Taters ritin.Tha note read as
such:Dear sweet Hillary,I fergive ye fer thanking I wuz a toad n fer leavin me at tha
mercy of tha pison oak.I knoed tha authorities made ya nervous n ye didn't hear me when I
tried ta stop ya from taking tha toad n thankin it wuz me.I wuz behind tha bushes when
they all showed up,I had been a warshin oft in tha swompy pond n needin a outhouse n
couldn't come out ta fetch ma clothes.I saw tha hole site wit tha aliens n all n finnally
I got ma chance ta jump in tha hay truck n headed oft fer town.I's sa tard when i got to
tha Artery center thet I stopped fer a spell ta rest.Next I knoed I had me a nuther
vacation at tha jail.I'd try ta git out but I missed a lot ov tha soaps n I knoe you
unnerstand.All ma luves X.SIGH...Now jest whut ama gona do wit tha toad thet thanks I'm
his wife? An tha youngans have becume quite atteched to him too.I really done thank I kin
break tha news to um rite now.Tater is such a
misterious man.N n I never knew thet Tater wuz such an artist afore.Oh well, I got ta
nurse thet green alien feller back ta health(he keeps tellin me he aint well but he looked
mighty pert on tha stage at the beauty contest last saterdy) n I got ma chores ta
do....gotta go.
HillBilly Hick(thets Youngan useta be
WHEENIE!!!HEHAW!!Life is great!Time to forget that ole "One Horse
Town"business and step up into the whorld of uni versity.Hexthrowr,did you hear the
news.You and I old Pal are going to be professors!Yes Mr. Quiblon I accept your offer.This
is whonderful!If I may,I whould like to
suggest a very intelligent cat who lives in Big Rock for one of your many positions.
HEhawhehaw.....I'm going to run in the fields and kick up my heels!I'm even going to go
visit my Mom and Pop,Jack and Jenny!
WHEENIE WILBUR
Fear not my good American friends - I can now reveal that our British Secret weapon has arrived and is loose in Afghanistan !!! Can any of you guess what utter terror can make people flee in their thousand to all four corners of their country? Leaving homes and their belongings behind to crowd terrified behind the borders of ANY country ? We must apologise to the poor innocents who have been deprived of their safety by this act but soon they will understand that it was done for their ultimate good. For those friendly Muslim countries who now may be close to calling us inhuman we beg forgiveness but there is nothing in the Geneva Convention about using THIS !!! - YES - the ULTIMATE WEAPON against terrorism - our very own GLADIS !!! We give thanks to the brave American pilots who risked their lives ( and noses) to whisk him away from the shores of Japan to drop him silently and secretly close to the rocky hideout of those who have done everything to deserve their fate !!!
Bin Laden - you have been warned - that is more than you had the
humanity to do -
Secret Squire Chris - England
WOODBURY HILLBILLIES - CHAPTER 7
Squire, the Fancy Englishman
Thank ya'all fur stoppin by - now if'n ya wanna pay yo're respects to that there ole WBRY Page ( a mighty fine place ! ) Ya'll can click on that this here lil'ole button !
WBRY ONLINE !
