WOODBURY HILLBILLIES
The
2006
WOODBURY HILLBILLIES
EPISODE 8 - Revenge of the kith(n'kin)
(click the flag if you dont hear the music )
If'n yo got sum time on yo're hands ya'll can send a message
for the page by clickin on that thar Squire fella down thar bottom.
having fallen madly in love with the lovely Tennessee
Hillbilly(Hillbilly Youngan) girl has crossed half the world to get to Tennessee but
and has now been lost for almost 3 years. At last he has emerged from the
mountains of Spain where he has been learning how to breed and fight bulls.
Armed now with a pair of the finest Kid Boxing gloves he returns to civilisation
intent on earning his fortune and resuming his quest for his sweetheart in
Tennessee.
( Youngans big sister) is at Neverland with her sweetheart ( and all round
having
been rejected by the lovely ( ? ) JessyJane, has given up the bottle and taken to the
still and is hoping to make his fortune trading Elixir and Outhouses with the Alien,
Quiblon.
The Exalted Quiblon 
Commander
of Spacecraft LXR4, is now on the verge of an alien nervous breakdown having
seen so many Hollywood films regarding his whereabouts and feels his secret is
blown. 
of the Starship McGonagle and is still circling the globe with his viscious
crew of women from the Glasgow Ladies Knitting Circle. Since we last heard from
them they have knitted a complete 'shield' for the McGonagle which is no longer
visible in the normal spectrum and can now only be detected in PLAID !
Messages spin across
the world with additional comments from Hillbilly relatives and friends ' The True Queen
of England '
(Certified Nut ) and other equally nutty Hexthrowr 
whos eyesight is begining to cause great concern
in the town of Woodbury as well as his constant tossing of various animals and items
across the skies of Woodbury
A strange new
phenomena has appeared in Woodbury from the old country of England in the form of
A highly suspicious character who seems to resemble a mild mannered English Reporter (and Squire) - he appears in many different guises which seem to have some link to his love of the movies.
Hello again my dear American (Confederate of course) friends. I'm sure you have all been wondering what had happened to me and our handsome Gladis. Well its taken me a long time but at last I located him. I heard a rumour regarding a strange hairy man in the mountains of Spain trying to catch sharks in their lakes. Since the lakes are at least several hundred kilometres from the sea and are completely landlocked it seems appropriate to consider it may be our missing Gladis. It seems since we last heard from him he has been living in Spain under the impression it was Tennessee and populated by Mexicans who he didnt understand. His memory isnt quite what it used to be either as the locals played a little joke on him at the local bullring. However he has gained a considerable reputation as a bullfighter - this is not quite as glamorous for Gladis as for other Bullfighters however as we was led to believe your actually 'Fight' the bull. Nevertheless he has managed to become famous as 'El Nutter' and despite his head injuries seems quite happy. Now, having saved a considerable amount of Euros (well 'olives' actually) he is off again on the road to TN !
Secret Squire Chris - England
Well, well, well, here we's is ...agin. Thangs hav shore been quiet tha past
2....no, 3 years er so. Oh yea, hits me Hillbilly Youngan, at's H.Y. fer
short......agin. I ain t heered from Jessy Jane n I don't kno how long. I thank
she's come to her senses tho bout that thare Mickey feller. I even heered tell
his last old woman, ya know 'at thare Presley gal? says he wernt worth 2
nickles.Tole it ta Oakra, shure did on the tely vision tha otter day.Well I
didne heer it,I wuz a doin ma chores but ma ole man dun tole me bout it all.(Hit
made right fine piller talk tha otter night.Course, we's on tha couch.
He never gits offin tha couch.) Now yues can't be a marrin upt with whut a cusin
has dun had! Hits lak finishing oft lasts nights supper atter hits beena settin
out all night, needs throwd out! I jest wunder iffin that thare Square
fellers still rounds about? Yue need ta beein a lookin fer him......uhum.From
whut I rightly recall, he's becume a lawnmower man,I shore hope tha lawn mower
didn't eat him all upt lak that thare video game did that thare feller in tha
movie!! Laordamercy!Whut has becume ov 'im!? I heered from Myra Elvira tha
utter day Jessy Jane, yea,she's beena greevin ever since tha Dairy Queen went
outta biznis.I thank shee's a gona try ta becume involved in tha movies, I heer
tell thare's a new movie gallery bout ta bea openin upt here soon,. Aunt Margret
Mary n Aunt Mary Margret will shore be happy ta see her working agin.They needs
sume new curtains cause Myra dun sewed em all
upt fer her new summer wardrobe, winter,wardrobe ,sprang and tha fall won tue!
She owes em big time. She says she's a gona bea moonlitin too
when tha Moonlite drive in opens upt.Movie star I reckon! She still ain't got no
innerest in ma Gladis boy, oh fine Gladis boy. Whur hav ye been ma Gladis boy??
sigh Wells I's gota quit reminissssing of finer times n finner thangs n
git ma chores dun. Gotta go feed tha hawgs, feed tha dawgs, milk tha cows,
feed tha chickins...........
Danged ole rednecks, dont hav no
manners a tol, lak us hillbillies do!
SOCIAL TIPS FOR REDNECKS:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
General Manners .........
1. Never take a beer to an interview.
2. Always identify people in your front yard before shooting them.
3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church, even if you share.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you're included in the will, it's not
your best move to
drive a U-haul to the funeral.
Dining Out
1. When de-canting the wine from the box, make sure you tilt the paper cup
and pour slowly so as not to 'bruise' the fruit of the wine.
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with yourhands.
Entertaining in your home
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by
a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter if his
table manners are better than your wife's.
Personal Hygiene
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this job should be done in
private using one's own truck keys.
2. Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of money.
3. Use of WalMart bargain-bin toiletries can only delay bathing for a
few days.
4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend
to distract from a woman's jewelry, and alter the taste of finger
foods.
Dating (outside the family)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Beassertive, let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting
to go out with you ever since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall
two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some
will say
10:00 PM. Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is
the man's responsibility to get her to grade school on time.
Theater Etiquette
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up within a
half hour
after the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to the characters on the screen. Tests have proven
that they can't hear you.
Weddings
1. Livestock usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds might get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund
and a bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special
occasion.
Driving Etiquette
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded
and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires
does not always have the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is
sometimes unwise
to ask her to bring back a six-pack too.
5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral possession
Hillbilly Youngan - Woodbury(in
the holler)
Moi luverly durlin Youngan - Oi am shore yous very surproised to ere froms me affer all this toime but me watch stopped. Oi ad fergotten everything owing too a few bangs on me ead and thens wun day the radio was on and I heards your luvly voice commin over the airwaves lik it is on this ere web page. It come fluddin back so fast me nose ran ! Anyways oi been makin moiself famous ere in Spain (thats where oi is) and oi as learned ows to fight the bulls. Theys tolds me not to tells anyone but oi can give yous a hint. First you tries to nut em wiv yer head an when theys nods at yer you its em wiva left ook! Oi ave done that a lot of toimes but once or twoice theys been a bit clever and stomped on me foot an butted me roight between me oieyes. It aint none me bad thos cos I can see much better nows and oi was offered a job at an 'observatoiry' cos I could sees more stars than the peoples there. Oi as taken the job offer and they is taking me over to a place called Chillie where they as a lot of mountains loik ere in Spain. They also as some aminals a bit loiks bulls they's wants me to foight - ois dont knows what they is called but oi will lets you know when oi gets there. I hopes it wont be too longs before oi gets to Tennessee moi sweets an thats you aint got too many kids b y then. all moi luvs
'El Nutter' (Gladis)
Lannnd sakes alive!!! We's back nnn I didn even kno I's been annywheres!!!I must say, its soo good ta be back, I shore wood lak ta know whur I wuz at all this time tho. Hits a mystery ta me.nnn whut hav I's a beena doin?Funny, I's kept alls ma chores dun nn alls tha youngans noses wiped nn ma huzban ain't never told me I's been gone. Hit shore is good ta hear from yue Square.Whur hav yue been??Maybe hit wasn't me thats wuz gone, maybe hit wuz yue!!!That wood splain why I anin't be hind on ma chores.Oh that's deepressin tho, I shore culd a used that vakation.Oh wells, maybe tha next time I dissapear I can go too.Shore is good ta hear ye wonced agin. Life is good ain't it? HY
Hillbilly Youngan - Woodbury(in
the holler)
Hallllllo! ****echo echo echo*** is enybody thar.....thar.....thar???? Did I have sum kind uv a bodacious dream er is tha Woodbury Hillbillies rezerected from tha dead????? Land sakes alive, I thought I'd never git out of that cryogenic chamber Mikey put me in before he hightailed it off on that camel. He shore looked purty in that veil though.....Did enybody see which way he went? I hope he didn't go and do nutthin stoopid since I been asleep. Whut day is this? I didn't miss the Pre-mere of my movie, did I? This is still 2002, aint it? Hallllooo! Is enybody thar????? boo hoo hoo.....oh, it wuz all jest a bootiful dream, I reckon! Nobody got rezerected but me!!! Bubbles????!!! is that you, son? It's me, Jessyjane! Don't you recognize me? Whar's the Elephant Man and all tha other critters? What's that Fer Sale sign a doin on the front lawn?? Don't tell me Neverland is fer sale! Oh, Lordy, Lordy! whut has done happened up here whilst I been down in Underground NeverLand?? Somebody pinch me! I'm still asleep, aint I? Aint none of this stuff really happened, has it? It wuz all jest a bootiful dream....!! *falls on floor crying hysterically as Bubbles the monkey pats her hair and tries to think what to say*
Hillbilly JessyJane ( Youngans big sister)
Squire, the Fancy Englishman
Thank ya'all fur stoppin by - now if'n ya wanna pay yo're respects to that there ole WBRY Page ( a mighty fine place ! ) Ya'll can click on that this here lil'ole button !
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