Picture the scene- Church Lady is bustling around the kitchen, pulling some freshly baked cakes from the oven, brewing a pot of tea. Then the door-bell goes...

Church lady: Oh, hello Brian, dear, it's lovely to see you. Do come in - wipe your shoes...

Martini Hanson: Hi Church Lady, lovely to see you too. Oh, it's Martini Hanson, by the way, none of this Brian stuff - I have an image to uphold, after all!

CL: Of course, dear. Why the name-change though? Brian's such a lovely name

MH: Well I got the idea of the first name from the drink - only the Beautiful People drink Martini, after all! And the second part came from a young band, who're personal friends of mine - so young, yet they write some excellent tunes...#mmm bop, do do#... oh, sorry, can't get that tune out of my head now... #sigh#... wish I'd written that one...

CL: Never mind dearie, I love that one too, they always play it on Radio 3, you know. Maybe I'll tune in later
I see you found the fete on the way over

Martini Hanson: Oh, I just love the face-painting stalls - always an inspiration for new make-up ideas

CL: I can see dear
I loved your 'Jesus Crist, Superstar' album

MH: it was a spelling mistake - it was supposed to be Antichrist superstar - I was most upset!

CL: I can imagine dear. But I loved that film you did of the same name - you are a clever young man!

MH: Thanks. I wanted to re-record JCS, but the label wouldn't let me. They said the image we present, trying to look alternative didn't justify me recording JCS, but if I changed my image they'd consider it for the future.

CL: I see dear. That's why you're wearing those Oxfam suits and bleached your hair. Oh!, by the way, I've had a bit of a clear-out. Feel free to take anything you fancy - it's all in those boxes marked 'jumble'

MH: Thanks a lot - I'll have a look before I leave.
I had a screentest in LA for a show called 'Absolutely Fabulous', do you know it?

CL: I know it well, dearie. Which part did you go for?

MH: Patsy

CL: How did the audition go dear?

MH: Oh, you know, 'sex, drugs and rock'n'roll, sweetie' - that was the line I used for the screentest!

CL: And did you get the part?

MH: No, but there's always 'Baywatch'

CL: True dear. That's why the new hair-do. You could always send them a copy of the cover for your last album, 'Robotic Goldfish', show off your new assets, especially now that Pammie's left

MH: It's 'Mechanical Animals', but that's not a bad title for a remix CD
#at this they both erupt into fits of laughter#

CL: Another cup of tea dear?

MH: Anything stronger? I am a rock star, after all!

CL: Sherry, Martini, Babycham?

MH: It's got to be Martini - after all, only the beautiful people can drink Martini!

CL: True dear. I'll just get some from the kitchen, won't be a moment

MH:#gets up and looks around# Nice place you have here, nice curtains

CL: Oh, it's all Laura Ashley, dear

MH: Do you think you could come over and design my place?

CL: Consider it done, dearie

MH: Oh, I love you, Church Lady!

CL: I know, dear. Kiss me and buy me a sherry!