Reasons it's good to be a bloke

Football

A 5 day holiday requires only one suitcase.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

Queues for the bathroom are 80% shorter.

You can open all your own jars.

When clicking through the channels you don't have to stall at every shot of
someone crying.

All your orgasms are real.

A beer gut doesn't make you invisible to the opposite sex.

You don't have to lug a bag of useless stuff around.

You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone
secretly hates you.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.

You never have to clean a toilet.

You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes.

Sex means never worrying about your reputation.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

If someone forgets to invite you to something , he or she can still be your
friend.

You don't have to shave below your neck.

None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.

You don't have to curl up next to a hairy arse every night.

If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices.

You can write your name in the snow.

Chocolate is just another snack.

Flowers fix everything.

You never have to worry about other people's feelings.

You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.

You can eat a banana in a hardware store.

Foreplay is optional.

Michael Bolton does not exist in your universe.

You don't have to clean your house if the meter reader is calling.

You never feel compelled to stop a mate from getting laid.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You don't give a rat's arse if anyone notices your new haircut.

You can quietly watch a game with a mate for hours without ever thinking
he's mad at you.

The world is your urinal.

Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

One mood, all the time.

Same work, More pay!

Grey hair and wrinkles only add character.

With 400 Million sperm per shot, you can double the earth's population in
15 tries. (In theory).

The remote control is yours and yours alone.

People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.

You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.

If you don't call your mate when you say you will, he won't tell your
other friends you've changed.

Someday you'll be a dirty old man.

You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "Fuck it."

You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.

Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.

You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.

Not liking a person doesn't preclude having great sex with them.

Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with:  "so..., notice anything
different?"

Baywatch.