Women's Point System:
In the world of romance, one single rule applies - Make the woman
happy - Do something she likes and you get points - Do something she
dislikes and points get subtracted. You don't get any points for doing
something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played! Life
is so unfair.
Here is a guide to the point system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You leave the toilet seat up (-5)
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it is finished (0)
When the toilet-paper roll is finished, you resort to Kleenex (-1)
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom(-2)
You check out suspicious noise at night (0)
...and it is nothing (0)
...and it is something (+2)
...you pummel it with a six iron (+5)
...it is her father (-10)
Cook her a meal(+5),
.....A romantic meal (-10)
.....A Mirco-wave meal (-5)
SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a drinking
mate (-2)
...named Tiffany (-4)
...Tiffany has implants (-5)
...Tiffany is a topless dancer (-8)
When mingling, you hold your mate's hand and gaze at her lovingly (+1)
When mingling, you introduce her as "the old ball and chain" and pat
her on the arse (-5)
When your mate points toward a good looking woman and asks you if you
think she is attractive, you say "yes, but nowhere near as attractive
as you" (+1)
...you say "yeah, but she is lousy in bed." (-6)
...that woman is her sister (-27)
You have one drink and that's it (0)
You have more than a few drinks and perform the tango with a poodle (-2)
You have too much drink, vaguely remember being fingerprinted (-15)
You vanish upstairs for 1hr (-10)
....With Sam (-5)
... who's gay (-10)
....who's female (-20)
....with a reputation as a slapper (-50)
....who's the family's Jack Russell (-??)
....with the children of the house (+5)
....to read them a story (+15)
....to 'interact' with them (-500)
SATURDAY AFTERNOON
You go to the mall together (+3)
You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then park the car (+4)
You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then drive to a
sports bar (-2)
You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like it (+3)
You spend the day shopping for furniture and fall asleep on a sofa (0)
You spend the day shopping for her clothes and give supportive comments (0, very hard to achieve)
You spend the day shopping for her clothes and tell the truth (-10)
You spend the day shopping for her clothes and lie through your teeth (+5 initially,-20 when she realises)
You spend the day shopping for her clothes and comment how you will rip them off of here tonight as she drives you wild with lust( 0),
....loud enough for the entire shop to hear (-10)
You spend the day shopping for her clothes and you do aircraft and driving imitations throughout the store (-10)
You spend the day shopping for her clothes and you try to hurry her along (-10).
You spend the day shopping with her and her female friends, you buy them lunch and drive them all home, and behave yourself all day, even though you are longing to tell them all the truth and are dying for a beer (+25).
You spend the day at a wholesale club buying in bulk (+3)
...most of it crisps and beer (-6)
You tackle a large house hold project, such as painting the lounge (+8)
...or refinishing the floors (+9)
...or rewiring the basement (+10)
...or adding a second floor (+15)
...or building a bar (-25)
You visit her parents (0)
You visit her parents and actually make conversation (+3)
You visit her parent and stare vacantly at the TV (-2)
...and the TV is off (-5)
You spend the afternoon watching rugby in your underwear (-6)
...and you don't even know the rules (-10)
...and it is not your underwear (-12)
HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it is not a sports bar (+1)
...okay, it is a sports bar (-2)
...and it's "half price night" (-5)
...and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-12)
You go to a nice pricey restaurant, hire a guitar player, and get up
and sing (+4)
...and you can't sing (+2)
...you sing okay (+5)
You give her a gift (0)
...it is a small appliance (-10)
...it is not a small appliance (+1)
...it is not chocolate (+2)
...it is something you will be paying off for months (+25)
...it's lingerie (-5)
...it's a trip (+5)
...to a foreign country (+15)
...to the Munich Beer Festival (-20)
You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day (-10)
...with her credit card (-30)
...and it is two sizes too big (-35)
THOUGHTFULNESS
You forget her birthday completely (-45)
You forget your anniversary (-40)
You forget to pick her up at the bus station (-25)
...and it's pouring with rain (-35)
You organise a surprise party for her (-10)
...and she loves it (-15 (remember there are to be no secrets between you))
NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go out with a pal (-5)
...and the pal is happily married (-6)
...and the pal is frighteningly single (-7)
...and he drives a Porsche (-12)
...with a personalised license plate "GR8 N BED" (-19)
You have a few beers (-8)
...and miss curfew by an hour (-15)
...and you didn't call (-20)
...you did call (-20)
You get home at 3am (-35)
...smelling of booze and cheap cigars (-40)
...and not wearing any trousers (-50)
...with a new tattoo! (-85)
...with a traffic cone on your head (-50)
...wearing a pair of lace panties (-100) on your head (-200)
...with your new friend Ima Easy (-1000)
...and you want a threesome (-life)
HER NIGHT OUT
You stay home while she goes out with her annoying friends from work (+5)
She goes out with her annoying friends from work and she comes home
late (+10)
...you wait up (+15)
She comes home late and drunk and you put her to bed (+20)
... make love while she's asleep and she will never know (-50, she'll know)
... make love while she's asleep and she wakes up (-150)
THE MORNING AFTER
You let her lie in (0)
...it's a working day (-5)
...she has a meeting at 9am (-15)
...but you call her work (+1)
...saying she is ill (+5)
...saying she is still in bed(-10)
...saying she went out last night and got rat-arsed and said they could stuff their job (-life)
...apologising for her and re-scheduling the meeting (+10)
She wakes up next to a 'soiled' (-5000)
She wakes up to you serving her breakfast with a Alka-Seltzer and a rose(+25)
...the breakfast is made up of Bran flakes and Fried eggs and toast (-20)
A NIGHT OUT TOGETHER
You take her to a movie (+2)
...a movie she likes (+4)
...a movie you hate (+6)
...a movie you like (-6)
...called "Deathcop 3" (-8)
...which features cyborgs having sex (-10)
...you lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)
A NIGHT AT HOME
You watch TV together (0)
You hire a movie (+2)
...it is "Sense and Sensibility" (+3)
...you stay awake throughout (+5)
...you fall asleep (-1)
...you fall asleep and snore (-2)
...you say you know what happens next, every ten minutes(-10)
...you walk out half way through and sit on the toilet for the rest of the movie with a Car mag (-10)
...you sit quietly drinking bear and eating popcorn (0), you don't share your popcorn (-10) you throw you popcorn at the screen (-30)
...you quietly waiting for climax of the film then fart at a inopportune moment, and ruin the mood (-15)
...you cuddle up next to her,(after having a shower, shave and drying off) offering her tissues when she needs them and making a cup of tea at the end of the film(+5)
...then you discuss the movie with her (+5)
...agreeing with the points she makes (+5)
...lying, saying you enjoyed the movie(0, she knows your lying but appreciates your attempt)
...Critically commenting upon the artistic qualities of the movie, the lighting and the novel us of camera angles and facial expressions to convey the deep emotions felt by the characters (-50)
...speaking the truth and saying it was crap (-10)
FLOWERS
You buy her flowers only when it is expected (0)
You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the heck of it (+20)
You give her flowers you stole from your neighbours garden (-10)
You buy her a Venus fly trap (-20)
You buy her flowers with her own money (-20)
You buy her flowers then whilst drunk decide to eat them (-15)
You buy her flowers then realise that they are a funeral wreath (-30)
You buy her flowers when ever you haven't seen her for more than 24hrs (+2)
YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-10)
...and exercise to get rid of it (+5)
...and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-5)
You say it has taken you years to develop your physique (-5)
You say, You can talk..(-50)
You decide to go to the gym every other day (-5)
... during lunch-time at work ( +10)
... and go down the pub at night (-20)
You look good in tights (-1)
You feel good in a bra (-20)
You look better in a corset (-30)
FINANCES
You spend a lot of money on her (+15)
...something she could not use (-2)
...such as a new set of golf clubs (-20)
You don't tell how much you earn (-30)
You don't share an account (-20)
You give her your wage packet (+1)
...it does not contain your full wages (-15)
In a cost cutting measure, you as if she prefers your natural smell to your aftershave (-5)
DRIVING
You lost the directions on a trip (-4)
...and end up getting lost (-10)
...in a bad part of town (-15)
...and meet the locals up-close (-25)
...and you know them (-60)
You enjoy driving (-5)
...Fast (-25) and you own a small car (-40)
...without seatbelts (-100)
THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look Fat?" (-5) - sensitive questions always start
with a deficit
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-15)
You reply instantly "You look delectable!' (+5, but she will become suspicious)
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what
looks like a concerned expression (0)
When she want to talk about a problem, you listen for over 30 minutes (+5)
...without looking at the TV (+10)
...she realised this is because you have fallen asleep (-10)
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