Go on. Say it. I can see what you're thinking. You're eying up a dodery old man like me and wondering how the hell he can possibly have the audacity to stand up and claim to be able to do the assault course in 48.2 seconds. Tell me I'm lying. I dare you.

You're still thinking it. I can feel it from here. Even Ms.Croft can't move that quickly. . .not unless you put a bat up her nightdress in the small hours, at least.

No, you've thought it, and don't deny it. Just look at me. "How could that old fossil, the old butler, the old winger-and-moaner creaking round the house with that crusty old tea tray, Mr. number-one-zimmer-nominee" you thought "how could he possibly even get round the assault course at ALL, let alone in 48.2 seconds! He needs a calendar, not a stop-clock!!!"

You think I'm pulling you leg. You think its all just another big wind up. Go on. Admit it. Well. . .no Sir! I'm going to show you how. Its an old secret which I feel I must share with you all.

You see, you must make your way into the centre of the maze, pick up the flares, flick the switch. Run back into the house and down into the basement. Go to the far end, walk past the chests on your left, stand in front of the shelves and the old carpet, light a flare, step forwards, step backwards (so you can find the squeeky floor board, naturally), reach down, loosen the floorboard, and find the key contained therein. There should be a dusty old helmet down there too, and maybe some goggles. . .you can now unlock the front gate to the house and go out into the street.

"helmet?" you ask. "Goggles?" you cry. "The old duffer's one kumquat short of a fruit salad."

"What?!" you're all exclaiming by this point.

well. . . isn't it obvious?