No.1 ) Tee up on the start line ready for the Big Off. Stiff upper lip, etc. Give the old girl a good old clout with the throttle, the sort of throttle to tell her the difference between riding a 1920 Triumph Winchester-DeHaverland E-Type and a show jumping competition. Let her know you mean business. She may be a little rusty, but be a good fellow and put some trust into the old thing.

No.2 ) Full speed forward, and stay to the right. She'll soon come to life as you lift her into the air for the first series of jumps. Make sure you aim the front of the old girl just above the top of the next crate, otherwise you'll end up lying in a crumpled heap on the floor. By the way, watch out for the water trap. . .in case I haven't already mentioned it.

3.) It seems I hadn't already mentioned it. . . Keep your pecker up if you fell in, though. Bunny-hop the taller pillars by wheelie-ing and jumping in quick succession. Try to keep your eyes open now as you will probably need them closed for the next bit.

4.) Close now! . . .but try to keep at least one eye slightly open whilst you fly through the air to aim for the middle of the bridge coming up. You could try alternately opening and closing each eye very quickly, so that they are technically closed and still open at the same. . . very clever, and no doubt this trick worked when you were hiding from the school bully when you were five, but if you end up in the wall you probably haven't mastered the technique very well.