Bart : I'm going to tell you a story so scary you'll pea in your pants. Abe : Too late ! Lisa : Granpa what is your full name ? Abe : You´re writing my tombstone !!!! Lisa : Granpa, how can you take your underwear off without taking your pants off first ? Abe : I don't nooooow !!!!! Abe : I'm old, and all I watch is Matlock ! Oh, it's on now ! Abe : That doll is evil I tell ya! Evil! Eeeeevil! Marge : Grampa, you say that about all the presents. Abe : I just want some attention. Abe : Everything's stolen nowadays, why the fax machine is nothing but a waffle iron with a phone attached ! Abe : The snow has melted, we can go outside again!! .... Abe : I don't like the looks of those teenagers. Abe : Oh, it's not a scam. What you do is, see, you give them all your credit card numbers, and if one of them is lucky, you win a prize ! Abe : We can't bust heads like we use to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell them stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe. So, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at that time. Now, to take the ferry, cost a nickle, and in those days, nickles had pictures of bumblebees on them. 'Gimme five bees for a quarter' you'd say. Now where were we? Oh yeah! The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt. Which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only things you could get were those big yellow ones.

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