[St. Jude House]

SERVICES FOR VICTIMS OF
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND SEXUAL ASSAULT


DOMESTIC VIOLENCE:
IMPACT ON CHILDREN

Children in shelter can begin to feel:

STATISTICS

RESPONDING TO THE ANGRY CHILD

Catch the child being good. Tell the child what behaviors are appropriate. Respond to positive efforts and reinforce good behavior.

Deliberately ignore inappropriate behavior that can be tolerated. This does not mean ignore the child, just the behavior. Even though the behavior is tolerated, the child must recognize that it is inappropriate.

Provide physical outlets and other alternatives. It is important for children to have opportunities for physical exercise and movement.

Manipulate the surroundings. Environments can be planned to reduce tempting situations. Sometimes rules and regulations, as well as physical space, may be too confining.

Use closeness and touching. Move physically closer to the child to curb his/her angry impulse. Young children are often calmed by having an adult nearby.

Express interest in the child’s activities. Children naturally try to involve adults in what they’re doing. A child who is about to become disruptive or agitated can be diffused by an adult who expresses interest in what the child is doing.

Be ready to show affection. Sometimes all that is needed is a hug. Children with serious emotional problems, however, may have trouble accepting affection.

Ease tension with humor. Kidding a child out of a temper tantrum or outburst offers a child an opportunity to "save face." However, it is important to distinguish between face-saving humor and sarcasm or teasing ridicule.

Appeal directly to the child. Tell the child how you feel and ask for consideration.

Explain situations. Help the child understand the cause of a stressful situation and work with them to avoid the stressor.

Use physical restraint. Occasionally a child may lose control so completely that he/she has to be physically restrained or removed from the scene to prevent him/her from hurting him/herself or others. This should not be viewed as punishment but as a means of saying, "You can’t do that." In such situations, an adult cannot afford to lose his/her temper, and cannot allow unfriendly remarks from other children.

Encourage children to see their strengths as well as their weaknesses. Help them to see that they can reach their goals.

Use promises and rewards. We must be aware of what a child likes and once a promise is made it must be kept.

Say "NO!" Limits should be clearly explained and enforced. Children should be free to function within those limits.

Tell the child that you accept his or her angry feelings. But offer other suggestions for expressing them. Teach children to put their angry feelings into words not fists.

Build a positive self-image. Encourage children to see themselves as valued and valuable people.

Use punishment cautiously. Punishment should be given close to the time of the behavior/event and should be appropriate to the behavior. There is a fine line between punishment that is hostile to the child and punishment that is educational.

Model appropriate behavior. We must be aware of the powerful influence of our actions on the behavior of a child or group.

Teach children to express themselves verbally. Talking helps a child have control and thus reduces acting out behavior. Encourage the child to use "I" statements.

THE ROLE OF GOOD DISCIPLINE

Good discipline includes creating an atmosphere of quiet firmness, clarity, and conscientiousness, while using reasoning. Bad discipline involves punishment which is unduly harsh and inappropriate, and it is often associated with verbal ridicule and attacks on the child’s integrity.

As one 4th grade teacher put it, "One of the most important goals we strive for as parents, educators, and mental heath professionals is to help children develop respect for themselves and others." While arriving at this goal takes years of patient practice, it is a vital process in which parents, teachers and all caring adults can play a crucial and exciting role. In order to accomplish this, we must see children as worthwhile human beings and be sincere in dealing with them.

WHAT TO DO IF A CHILD TELLS YOU THAT SHE HAS BEEN SEXUALLY ASSAULTED

Reprinted from: Gratiot County Child Advocacy Association

10 BLUEPRINTS FOR HEALTHY DEVELOPMENT

The Indiana Youth Institute’s blueprints for healthy development of all Indiana’s children are based on the premise that every child in Indiana -- regardless of race, gender, ethnicity, physically or mentally challenging condition, geographical location or economic status --- deserves an equal opportunity to grow up in a safe, healthy, and nurturing environment.

BUILDING A HEALTHY BODY

Indiana’s youth will be born at full term and normal birth weight to healthy mothers. They will receive a well-balanced diet in adequate supply to grow strong bodies to acceptable height for their age. They will be provided a balance of physical activity and rest in a safe and caring environment. They and their families will have access to good medical care and educational opportunities that will teach them how to abstain from health-endangering activities and engage in health-enhancing activities.

BUILDING POSITIVE RELATIONSHIPS

Indiana’s children will experience love and care of parents and other significant adults. They will develop wholesome relationships while learning to work collaboratively with peers and adults.

BUILDING SELF-ACCEPTANCE

Indiana’s children and youth will perceive themselves as lovable and capable; they will act with self-confidence, self-reliance, self-direction, and control. They will take pride in their accomplishments. As they develop self-esteem, they will have positive feelings about their own uniqueness as well as that of others.

BUILDING ACTIVE MINDS

Indiana’s young people will have stimulating and nurturing environments that build on their individual experiences and expand their knowledge. Each young person will reach his or her own potential, gaining literacy and numeric skills that empower the lifelong process of asking questions, collecting and analyzing information, and formulating valid conclusions.

BUILDING SPIRIT AND CHARACTER

Indiana’s young people will grow up learning to articulate values upon which to make ethical decisions and promote the common good. Within safe boundaries, children and youth will test limits and understand relationships between actions and consequences.

BUILDING CREATIVITY AND JOY

Indiana’s young people will have diverse opportunities to develop their talents in creative expression (e.g., music, dance, literature, visual arts, theater); to appreciate the creative talents of others; and to participate in recreational activities that inspire constructive, lifelong satisfaction.

BUILDING A CARING COMMUNITY

Indiana’s communities will encourage their young people to see themselves as valued participants in community life. In addition to being recipients of services that express the communities’ concerns for their safety and well-being, young citizens will become resources who will improve their surroundings, support the well-being of others, and participate in decisions that affect community life.

BUILDING A GLOBAL PERSPECTIVE

Indiana’s children and youth will learn to see themselves as part of the global community, beyond ethnic, religious, racial, state, and national boundaries. In formal and nonformal educational experiences, they will have opportunities to become familiar with the history, political issues, languages, cultures, and eco-systems that affect global life and future well-being.

BUILDING ECONOMIC INDEPENDENCE

Indiana’s young people will be exposed to a variety of educational and employment experiences that will contribute to vocational and career options. Their formal and nonformal educational experiences will prepare them to make the transition from school to work, to contribute to the labor force, and to participate in an economic environment that will grow increasingly more complex and will require lifelong learning.

BUILDING A HUMANE ENVIRONMENT

All children will have access to a physically safe environment, free from abuse, neglect, exploitation, and other forms of violence. They will have adequate housing and living conditions; safe neighborhoods; clean air, food, and water. Their environment will be free from toxins, drugs, alcohol, and tobacco. All children will have an opportunity to learn how to protect their environment for the future.
The Indiana Youth Institute, established in 1988.

Return to the St. Jude Homepage

St. Jude House
12490 Marshall Street
Crown Point, Indiana 46307-4856

24 Hour Crisis Line (219) 662-7061 or 1-800-254-1286
Administrative (219) 662-7066

Fax (219) 662-7041
E-mail: lbaechle@samc.fsoc.com

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© 1999 - Last Updated: Friday, May 22, 1998
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