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EXTREMELY JEALOUS: Partner gets made if you talk to others, have friends, or any warm feelings for anyone else. They withdraw, sulk, or become angry and abusive.
POSSESSIVE: You belong to the person and they treat you as a belonging. Others cannot have any of your time or attention.
EXPLOSIVE ANGER: May yell, scream, call names, hit walls, and/or hit or threaten to hit others.
CANNOT ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY AND BLAMES OTHERS for own abusive or violent behaviors. "If you wouldn’t push my buttons, I wouldn’t hit you."
CONTROLLING OR DICTATORIAL: Partner defines how you should look, what you should say, where you should go, and whom you should talk with. Partner makes all the important decisions.
LOW SELF-WORTH: They don’t like themselves, and they aren’t anything without you. They want to take care of you or you to take care of them.
FAMILY HISTORY OF VIOLENCE: or abuse between parents, relatives, or significant others. Partner witnessed name calling, fighting, hitting, pushing, shoving, weapons use, etc.
ALCOHOL/DRUG ABUSE: Frequent use of alcohol/drugs and blaming the chemicals for abusive or violent behaviors. Also, having come from an alcoholic family where emotional or physical abuse occurred.
RIGID SEX ROLE EXPECTATIONS: Men should be the boss and be in charge. Women are given low status and are less important.
DR. JEKYLL - MR. HYDE PERSONALITY: Displays marked shifts back and forth from being angry, controlling, abusive, to nice, charming, and loving. Mood swings are unpredictable.
12/7/88
Tom Manzano, MSW, LSW, CADC
Director of Clinical Services - DVIS
Taken from The Clothesline Project National Network, East Dennis Massachusetts
Myth: Jealousy and possessiveness are a sign of true love.
FACT: Jealousy and possessiveness are a sign that the person sees you as a possession. It is the most common early warning sign of abuse.
Myth: Teen dating violence isn’t really that serious.
FACT: Thirty percent of all women who are murdered in this country are killed by their husband or boyfriend. According to a Mass. Study, that same high percentage applied to teen women, ages 15-19, as well. Also, 60% of all rapes reported to the rape crisis centers are committed by acquaintances, and the majority of victims are ages 16-24.
Myth: Men are battered by women just as often as women are battered by men.
FACT: The US Bureau of Justice Statistics reports that 95% of the reported incidents of assaults in relationships are committed by males.
Myth: Alcohol or drugs cause men to batter.
FACT: Many men who batter do not drink heavily or use drugs, and many alcoholics or drug users do not beat their partners. Further, batterers who do drink and use drugs don’t necessarily give up battering when they give up these habits. While some abusers do beat their partners while they are under the influence, drugs and alcohol often act as their excuse.
Myth: Victims bring on the abuse themselves. They ask for it.
FACT: Perpetrators believe they have the right to use abuse to control their partner, and they see the victim as less than equal to themselves. The victim has no control over the abuser.
Myth: If a person stays in an abusive relationship, it must not really be that bad.
FACT: People stay in abusive relationships for a number of reasons: fear, economic dependence, confusion, loss of self-confidence, not recognizing that what’s happening is abusive, belief that the abuser needs their help or will change.
Myth: Most batterers are bums or crazy people.
FACT: Batterers are found in all classes and types of people: rich, poor, professional, unemployed, black, white, urban, and rural.
Taken from The Clothesline Project National Network, East Dennis Massachusetts