EDGES MAGAZINE Issue 13

Mar-May 1998

I STOLE FROM MY FATHER

Gerard is typical of an addict who causes problems within the family home.

I have been using drugs since the age of 15. I started off on Cannabis and eventually progressed to Heroin. I have been using Heroin for nearly 8 years now. Since using Heroin I've hit rock bottom and I've lied, stolen, manipulated people, especially my parents, and I'm not proud of it at all. In November 1997 I had my arm broken by some lads that I owed money to through a drugs debt. I'll never be able to use my arm 100% again; and to clear the debt I took my father's credit card and acquired goods to the tune of several thousand pounds. Now my dad has decided to prosecute me. Obviously, he can't handle the situation any more. He's basically a nervous wreck. He still loves me, he still supports me but he's decided with my mother that prosecution is the only way he is going to be able to teach me a lesson. So I will be charged on the 19th February. I am trying to get into a rehabilitation centre in Lancaster. Obviously, I have got to be drug free before I can go on it, it just depends on what the Court says.

I am 24 years of age now, and since school I have been to Wales when I was 18, Greece when I was 19 and the States when I was 20. The first time, in Wales, my detox wasn't too bad; I hadn't been using as much. The second time in Greece wasn't too bad because I had just been dabbling really again. When I went to the States I was in a mess. I was taking up to 100 ml of Methadone a day, tablets and nearly a 16th of Heroin a day, which is quite a large habit and the actual physical detox took nearly 4 weeks.

Whilst I was in the States my Uncle gave me a job in sales. I had to attend classes and basically just do a detox the way I felt would be okay for me. I thought that would be lying in bed for a couple of weeks and everything would be okay, but my Uncle had different ideas. After a week of being there he started me working in his office and got me back in to doing physical training, which as you can imagine, wasn't too healthy at that time for me. I stayed there for almost 10 months and I had a relationship with a girl out there, she became pregnant and I thought it would be an easy way of getting a green card, which is not a very nice thing to contemplate really. In the end she had a miscarriage just after I came back to England. Obviously, returning to the same place, and not being able to get a job straight away which I thought I would be able to, I ended up doing gear again and was back to square one.

I seem to think that every time you do a detox it gets harder and harder; harder in the aspect that before you do it you know how much physical pain you're going to go through. Through the sleepless nights and everything, I've come to the conclusion that you can't take sleeping tablets, they are a waste of time while you're doing it. You don't get any sleep whether you're taking the tablets or not, alcohol just makes it worse, you're supposed to be getting drug free, so what's the point in shoving tablets down your neck.

I'm looking ahead to the future, I know that I've got to do a home detox because I can't get funding for detox in a rehab centre. Then hopefully, after my court appearance I will go into a rehabilitation centre. I'm going to be in a rehab for at least nine months. I basically just want a normal life. I know that might sound funny to some people, but a normal life to me is a job, my own place, eventually a wife and maybe a child. At the moment I'm just looking to get drug free. There are too many ghosts in the past and there are too many memories here, also the people I acquaint with; mostly they are lads I went to school with, my age. I'd say 75% are Heroin users, therefore coming back to Darwen and Blackburn wouldn't do me any good at all.

Eventually, I hope to move up to Scotland and begin my new life there. I've got relatives up there and I just like the place. I think it would be a good start for me.

The first time I read Edges magazine was when my father had picked it up one time in late December. I have now been coming down to the house of Edges for several weeks. Reading the magazine inspired me to come down and talk with the people who work at the place. I'd like to thank everybody for their help and keep up the good work.




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THOMAS is an integral part of Catholic Welfare Societies, Registered Charity number 503102