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EDGES MAGAZINE Issue 16 |
December 1998 |
Healing
At The Brink of Death |
Since Easter I have lost both my parents, I have experienced, in
that short time, enough of life to need months to absorb it all. The
pathos of helping two old people unpack the baggage of their lives,
sift through it and re-pack for that final journey, was harrowing -
what I learnt most poignantly, was that the final suitcase should
contain the luggage of reconciliation. To be reconciled with God,
with ourselves and with each other. Not a great deal else is then
necessary - the forgiving and forgiven travel light. |
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Of all the edges we
find ourselves on, death is the most perplexing and unfathomable.
There is nothing visible or tangible, yet it is so real. It is framed
by the boundaries of our limited understanding - the bereaved are
taken to extremes of emotions not easily defined. Grief must be the
most commonly shared experience - everyone dies. Yet our own
experience is as unique as was the person now gone - we feel isolated
and alone: millions of us! How can we convey our brokeness, pain and
fear? Language is common to us all, but emotions are our own. Fear
plays a large part in our cocoon - it frames our boundaries into
blinkered pictures, small, limited. With age or illness,
fear recedes enough to allow the inevitable to be more openly looked
at. This time last year, my mother was still her usual
self, loving; and the pivot of the family unit; which she had kept
together through difficult times. My father was still a remote person
who knew little about me. Life for them was broken. Pain and anger
lurked in the dark recesses of their beings. Peace and forgiveness
were light years away! Then suddenly, she suffered a massive stroke,
and he, simultaneously, a heart attack and stroke which precipitated
his dementia. In one moment of their existence, life was irreversibly
changed. We all had to learn to let go of the past in order to
accommodate the present. To be forced, by circumstance into being
forgiving, and then into reconciling two people to each other, was a
difficult yet humbling experience which demanded God to be permanently
on call! Seeing her somewhat comatosed body, and his mind in the mists
of yesteryear, brought it home vividly that if we cannot forgive the
past, and build bridges over it, we have totally missed the point of
life. The last moments of my mother's lucidity are indelibly printed
in my being. He was brought to her bedside from his ward. The moment
their souls met was poignant beyond human language - the paralysed,
drying body, once the young and happy war-bride, meeting her once
handsome uniformed bridegroom; now a frail, tearful, crumpled old man
in a wheelchair. We find God in still moments. In that touch of
reconciliation of the trembling hand and painful, swollen fingers,
twenty-five years of animosity melted away - God's presence filled the
room like gentle incense - it mingled with that moment when fear was
banished and they could see beyond that final edge. I
learnt the value of one's own awareness of death - it is only then
that so much of life's baggage can be discarded and forgiven. - In the
weeks between their deaths, my father had very lucid moments when
after fifty years, he learnt who I was, that I did interesting things
with my life, that I had value as ME. He opened up, a hitherto very
hidden self, to me. We prayed together, which was very special. God
turns up in such hidden corners! I am so grateful to Him for the
chance to help my parents unpack and re-pack for their final journeys.
Above all, I learnt the supreme gift of healing which comes
with reconciliation before the last stage over that final edge.
Elaine Kennedy.
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