|
EDGES MAGAZINE Issue 17 |
April/May 1999 |
An Addicts Relapse.
We continue to support Simon as we try to help him stay off drugs.
I
have been coming down to St. Anne's House since the beginning of last
year. After being on the Reconcile Project I went into a Treatment
Centre for Heroin and Alcohol addiction. I spent six months in the
treatment centre and then my partner gave birth to our child at the
beginning of this year. Whilst I was at home I relapsed, I picked up. A
lot of people would equate that to failure, but for me relapse has been
a big learning experience, it's not all doom and gloom. I can accept
that I picked up and I did make a mistake and that mistake is down to
me, not taking responsibility and talking about what is really going on
for me. Luckily I managed to get to an N.A. meeting that night. I was expecting a telling off, to be truthful, but that didn't happen and I got a great deal of support. Whatever happens, however bad things get, tomorrow is going to be really hard - don't pick up. And I didn't, I got to meetings, I'm involved in football. I got discharged from the treatment centre and I am now living with my partner and my little boy. I can't say things have been easy because they haven't been but for me. I have learned so much out of relapsing and I now believe that it might have been part of my discovery of recovery, you could say. I am not saying it had to happen but it might have had to happen for me, I believe that now. I have learned so much out of it and I have got so much out of it.
I am standing on my own two feet now, I am doing things for me. I am looking after myself and my recovery. Things are happening for my partner and my baby. We seem to be closer because we talk more now about things. It is just a case of filling my time and as an addict I can become bored very easily, and being bored is dangerous for me personally. I start twiddling my thumbs. I have got a lot of free time and it is a dangerous place for me to be. I have been spending time talking with people, and they come up with suggestions and up to me whether I do it or not, that's my responsibility. For me it's not the end of the world. I don't have to wake up in the mornings thinking, right, where am I going to get some money from? Who am I going to score off, the best gear, or whatever - I don't have to do that now. Now I can just get up and think, if I stay clean just for today that's enough for me, a pat on the back for not picking up and not using, life gets easier.
Things are going well for me at the moment, I am enjoying life again. I hadn't enjoyed life and my failings - if I talk about them I will be alright. If I pick up ever again I am a complete failure, but I am back in recovery and I'd like to thank Father Jim and everybody at St. Anne's. They have given me an opportunity and actually believed in me when a lot of other people didn't. They took me in, they fed me, they housed me, put me into a treatment centre and I am very very grateful for that. It has changed my life, especially the T.H.O.M.A.S. team , my life has changed and it has changed for the better.
