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EDGES MAGAZINE Issue 18 |
Jul-Aug 1999 |
| I
WAS |
RAPED
.......IN
THE PAST |
K.C. Has contributed an article. He lives in Newcastle and
reads our publication. His past experiences have enabled him to
sympathise with people who are excluded in our society.
"I would like to take
this opportunity to thank you for the last edition of Edges, that I
received. I have already read it from cover to cover, and it was as
good, if not better than I expected. I find it totally heart warming
that people now have a voice through you and the other workers at
EDGES. When I was alone on the streets of Manchester, it was sadly a
different story."
People will only find
out about what's really out there when the people who are really out
there are allowed to share their souls, to tell someone about your
life is a hard thing, but when things haven't been going too well, I
think it's even harder to talk about. Unfortunately, we live in
society that loves the expression " out of sight..." and
until this changes, we all sadly have a fight to make people aware
of what's happening on our doorsteps. I honestly think people should
wake up and see what's truly out there, don't just step over the
body in the doorway, because that body is a real person and they,
like the rest of us, deserve respect. Some will say that respect is
earnt, but you cannot expect to get respect, if you yourself don't
show it.
I was interested in the article, "Men can
also get bullied." as this will help show that women and
children are not the only victims in society, yes it is disgusting
that someone could mentally and/or physically, not to mention
sexually, abuse a small child or a woman, but lets not forget that
men throughout time have also been abused, even as adults. As a
survivor of Male disclosure of Rape, and the uncomfortable
atmosphere that develops after the disclosure, the sad looks of
sympathy and the questions, all the questions. Not many people
understand how it feels mentally, how it can effect you, almost
engulf your very being, scar you for life, yet people are still
unwilling to think that men can and do suffer abuse.
It's
the usual story, if your gay then frankly you deserved to be raped,
yet the majority of men who rape other men are generally themselves
straight. Abuse at any level, to anyone, regardless of age, sex or
sexuality is WRONG.
It was difficult for me to look
objectively at my abuse, I was homeless and gay and needed to get
money to survive, it was decided that I should be a rent boy. I
don't know who decided this or even when it was decided, that, but
there I was out on the streets of Manchester, selling myself to
anyone who was willing to part with their money. Upon reflection, it
was honestly only a matter of time before somebody decided that they
wanted me but didn't want to pay. That was not the first, and sadly,
it wasn't the last time this happened, eventually I got myself
together and decided not to be the victim any longer. I started
looking for work and a place to live and a stable relationship, well
two out of three isn't bad, is it? It has taken a lot of time to
eventually come to terms with my past, and rather than let it rule
my life, I use it as a guide to help me with my present and my
future.
I'm not a religious person, but I do believe
that, because of my past, I have become the person that I am today,
and I would not, for the world, change that. It's almost as if I had
to suffer, to help others who are now suffering. I still believe in
the random acts of kindness theory, which I talked about in my first
letter to you. If you spend just a little time and energy to help
someone, that you wouldn't normally help, buy them a coffee, stop
and just chat, buy them a lucky dip National Lottery ticket, there
are so many things that you can do that will, not only make them
feel good, but will make you feel good also. The point of the random
acts of kindness? Well, if you could spend a day walking in someone
else's shoes, someone who is down on there luck, or somebody who
sells sex, perhaps somebody who takes drugs or maybe somebody who is
trying to get it together after spending time in Prison, then you
will realise that not many people will stop to speak and a lot of
those who do, don't have a kind word to say "get a job", "why
don't you pull your life together instead of sponging of others",
"it's a disgrace letting yourself end up this way" the
list is endless. So as I walk down the road, I CHOOSE to help
somebody. So why random acts of kindness? Well, think about it.
The world is falling to pieces, pensioners being attacked for
as little as 10p. children killing children and being killed or
tortured because of the colour of your skin, your political beliefs
and your religious beliefs, and yet we are only too willing to put
our hands in our pockets when an animal is involved or when the
trouble is not on our own doorsteps. Although this country is better
off than many, what with the National Health and other financial
benefits, it's still sad to see that the system, that was designed
to help so many has, unfortunately, failed so many, to the point
that people have to steal to feed their babies, and yet as a nation
we all stand in judgment and say "Oh how could they", yet
as a nation and money cloning sheep or building the worlds biggest
and strangely enough, the worlds only Millennium Dome, why not help
those the system has failed. Lets encourage our young people to have
ambitions and goals and to make our elderly feel safe in their own
homes, and let all the Stephen Lawrences of the world walk around
happy in the knowledge that they will not be killed for simply being
black. I'm not saying that if the system hadn't failed things would
be different, but it's certainly something to think about.
Finally, I would like to send a message to Scottish Stephen,
you say that you have no ambitions to be anything, I would ask you
to look at your life again and reconsider. I was 16 when I first
moved to this country, I had little education and no money. I spent
a lot of time selling sex for money. Taking drugs to forget about
what I was doing and living rough on the streets. I'm now nearly 31
and I have a nice council flat, I have a job, which pays the bills
and lets me enjoy my life all because of one ambition, to stay
alive, to stay away from the lifestyle that I used to have. You see
mate, ambition isn't just about being who you are and being what you
are. Basically, being true to yourself and truthful to others. My,
ambition now? To be the best and do the best that I can be, not to
waste my life doing what others think I should be doing. Be true to
yourself, if you can do that much, then you'll already have more
than most people. If you want another decent friend then drop me a
line in care of Edges Magazine.
God bless you and take
care
K.C. |
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