|
EDGES MAGAZINE Issue |
October 1999 |
| A TRAGIC END TO A LIFE |  |
| Tracy speaks about her
brother Lee who hung himself recently. She is pictured with her
brother. The photo was when Lee was a teenager.
He died aged 36. |
I first learnt of my brother’s death on Saturday the 26th of June, It was about eight o’clock in the evening, I’d just had my tea, I’d been working all day and had no idea he’d been taken into hospital. I hadn’t checked my answering machine so it was a complete shock when the police arrived at the door. My first thought were the children, and when they kept repeating my name I realised then it was Lee. They told me that he had taken his life earlier that day, that he’d hung himself and they left me with the telephone number of the hospital to ring to find out where he was. In my confused state, I kept ringing the wrong ward, nobody knew where he was, and I got extremely annoyed at the staff. Eventually, I got through to the right people who said it was true. Up to that point I kept thinking they were lying and they’d got the wrong person, but then we got to the hospital and I had to go and identify him.
I rang my parents and told them. My husband took me to identify him. I’ve never done anything like that before, so when I went into the hospital it was a complete shock. I walked through into this room and he was just lying, covered with a towel up to his neck, so I couldn’t see the marks on his neck, he just lay there. His lips were really blue, but I knew that if he was warm I’d be OK. I touched him and he was warm, because he hadn’t been dead long. His ears had just started to go purple, but he was still squashy and warm. He didn’t look dead, he just looked asleep. I couldn’t believe he was dead. I kept thinking if I shake him he’d wake up and laugh at me like he used to do. Then, they had to take a statement from me, so I said goodbye to him and talked to him, then came out. I gave them a statement saying that it was Lee Hartley, then I came home and spoke to my parents again. On the Sunday I wanted to come to church to the service, which was really nice being with everybody that was with him at the time, because in his short time here he was very happy, at St Anne's. He just couldn’t see a way out of the situation he was in. He thought a lot of everybody there, Father Jim, Marie, Elaine, so it seemed appropriate to come to church that day, it helped me a lot, even though I was very upset at the service, it helped me a lot to be with all these people. I felt like they gave me a lot of strength.
When we were children we always played together, we were really close. There wasn’t a big age difference, only eighteen months. We went through schools, we had all the same friends, and we used to have dens and play on the rec. There were times when I didn’t want him there when I was with my friends. He used to tag along, but he was always a bit of a handful. When he was of an age where he could get drink he’d get drunk, turn up where I was and everybody would shout his sister to go and rescue him from something. He was always getting into some kind of trouble or mischief. He was easily led; he got into quite a few fights, and had one or two scars to prove it.
Then as we got older and left school, he became very talented at snooker. We came to discover this talent he had, and my parents backed him all the way. They spent a lot of money, they let him give up work, they sponsored him to practice snooker and play snooker, which he was very good at, but not knowing at the time Lee’s state of mind, he wasn’t made really to be a snooker player. He wasn’t consistent enough, and he was up and down with his emotions. A very depressive person, he was either really really happy or really really down.
He got this opportunity to go to Belgium, to coach and run this snooker hall, which he did. At the beginning he was doing all right, but turned heavily to drink, and then it just went downhill from there. He ended up in the wrong crowd and on heroin, and that was the start of it really. For many years we didn’t know about the things that had gone on, because he wasn’t in this country. But as time went on, we got phone calls from which we suspected something wasn’t right. Then my parents got a phone call in which he actually told them he was a heroin addict, which just completely devastated my parents. They just wanted the best for him, and for him to be a success, and all of a sudden it’s gone when you hear the word heroin.
Two years ago he threw himself out of a building from forty feet up and tried to commit suicide, smashed his feet up and made a right mess of himself. My mother and I had to go over to Belgium to see him, and we realised how bad he was. We came back, then drove over again and brought him back. My parents nursed him back to health, and he was fine for the time he was with them, but as soon as he could walk and was out in civilization he was back on the heroin again..
He never believed that people cared about him didn’t Lee, he was quite introvert in a way. He didn’t think that people cared for him or wanted him with them, he always needed people’s approval.. That last two years was like our goodbye time, really. We did spend an awful lot of time together, we got really close, and he got very close to the children that he didn’t know while he was in Belgium. If he had died then, we’d never have got a chance to know him again, so I’m really glad that he did come home. I think that we’ve learnt a lot of lessons with our time with him, over the past two years.
My mother’s determined that she’s not going to let any of it go to waste, she’d like to help other people in the same situation. My parents are absolutely devastated by this news, when you’ve got someone who is on drugs, it doesn’t matter what they’re on, they’re still your brother or your son. You think before you have someone close who’s done something like this, you think when it happens to other people ‘Oh well, they were a heroin addict’, or ‘They were on drugs’, but it makes no difference, they’re still a person. There’s still a person in there that’s got this big problem who needs help. Unfortunately, we didn’t help him to get over the addiction that he had.
He’d got himself into a lot of trouble, and he couldn’t see a way out. Lee was a very happy person; he liked to be the centre of attention. He wanted everybody to like him, he always wanted approval from people. He didn’t have a lot of confidence in himself, he was very easily led and it didn't take much for him to do things that were wrong. Because the crowd were doing it he would go along and do it, but on the same square he was a very depressive person. I was convinced he was manic-depressive because there was something there, if it wasn’t the drugs. It started off with alcohol, and then it went on to other things, whatever there was that gave him that high he would take it.
He was very emotional, if he ever had a girlfriend it didn’t seem to work. He was a very jealous person, very possessive, but he did like a good laugh with the rest of us. He used to be able to really enjoy himself, he just used to go too far with the drink and it got to a point where he wasn’t a pleasure in your company, when he’d had a lot to drink. So I used to avoid taking him with me if I went anywhere, because there would always end up being trouble. But when he wasn’t taking something, he was a very nice person, very happy person, very kind, very gentle, and he really desperately wanted to help other people in his situation.
The funeral for me was nowhere near as hard as I thought it would be. The week before, I’d had to do all sorts of things that I’d never had to do in my life, that were really hard. I’d had to identify him, tell my parents, arrange the funeral, and arrange the music. Father Jim was a really big help, he did a wonderful job at the funeral. We arrived, whether I was on autopilot I don’t know, but it was a really nice day. I really enjoyed the hymns, and the speakers that spoke for him. I thought it was really nice. I really felt for my parents, they found it really hard. They’d been isolated from this all week, and it hit them really bad when they got to the funeral. To me that was just the final point, his goodbye, and it didn’t really upset me as much as I thought it would. I thought it was a really nice day that gave him such a wonderful send-off, and he’d so many friends that turned up, everybody came, and it was lovely.
The best way I can remember Lee when I look back, somebody sent in a card that I got. ‘He had a cheeky smile and a wicked laugh’, and I think that says a lot of it because it’s so true, he did. I remember his laugh, his silly sense of humour, his kindness with everybody and his kindness towards animals. He could never stand to see anything being hurt, and I remember him giving me dead arms, and having a laugh with my children. I think that’s how I remember him, laughing.
Tracy Rigby - Lee’s Sister.
| I will never
forget my Son
.....................................Lee was our dream... When we first learned of Lee’s addiction it was a mother’s worst nightmare, but his father and sister took it in their stride. He wanted so much to be free of this evil that had taken so much from his life. He tried so many times but always returned to the inevitable. He finally seemed to be coping so well in the midst of such kind caring people at St Anne's, that we thought just maybe this time. This wasn’t to be and on the 26th June 1999 with courage unimaginable, Lee saw the only road he wanted to take. He went to paradise and we felt our lives were ended. As the weeks go by we become stronger. He never leaves our side. Lee cared so much for other people whose lives seemed so desolate. We never saw this side of his nature. Perhaps he thought we didn’t need it. His tribute cannot be written without a mention of a love for him that demanded nothing. A strength given to him no matter what, and a pair of arms always ready to hold him. His guardian angel: his big sister. To his father and I Lee was the sun, the moon, and the stars. Our hopes, our dreams, our lives. Our beloved child who we will love forever. |
