BELIEVE ME IT'S HARD Paul arrived in London 2 days ago I came to London two days ago from Brighton. What attracts me about London is that theres more homelessness here, and they seem like part of our own family. I have been homeless for four years now. It all started when my relationship with my girlfriend ended, and I couldnt see my kid anymore. I left everything with them and I walked out, and got myself into a really serious drink problem. I dont drink anymore, and now Im just looking to settle down but nobody will give us a chance. For the last four years Ive been on the streets in Leeds, Bristol, Bath, Wiltshire, Swindon and Oxfordshire, Ive been practically everywhere on the streets. Ive discovered that the problem has increased so much. Before I was on the streets I just watched it on TV, but now Im on the streets I can say that it really is as bad as you see on the TV and in the papers, and there isnt anybody out there that cares. Its definitely getting worse. To be honest with you I dont have anything to do with the government. The governments done nothing for me whatsoever. Id like to tell Tony Blair that all these derelict buildings standing here, he could put Lottery money into rebuilding and rehabilitating peoples lives, so that we can live normally just like everybody else and go out and get a job, and earn money, and put in to society. Instead of sitting in the cold begging for your next cup of tea, be putting in to society instead of just taking out. Since arriving in London, weve looked for accommodation, shelters, weve had no luck. Theyre totally full, all booked up, the only shelters you can get into are hostels if you pay twenty pounds a night, which obviously we cant afford, we havent got the money to do that. The rest of the time we have been looking in bins for food because we cant find anywhere to get any food from. As I said earlier, Ive been to a funeral last week. Ive been to a few churches in London and spoke to a few priests to say some prayers. The priests have been helpful talk- wise, but other than that, nothing apart from talking. Im thirty-four now, I was born in Bath, I have no family whatsoever. I was put into a children's home at two years old. I didnt really understand what it was like in the childrens home until I reached the age of eleven or twelve, it is not nice, its a very strict regime, and it feels like youre being punished for something you havent done. What I didnt like about the childrens home was the strictness of the rules, the regime that they set down. Obviously there are rules and regulations, but I felt there were rules which I was being punished for, because I didnt ask to go into a childrens home, I didnt ask to come from a violent background, and I didnt like authority. I rebelled a lot, I got myself into trouble, I went into detention centres, borstals, prisons, so basically since Ive left the children's home all Ive known is institutionalisation. This made me feel hatred, unwanted, rejected, I didnt like society one bit. I rebelled against society, I didnt like anybody in society, I had a very serious drug and drink problem, to try and escape and hide away from the hurt. The feelings, the memories, escapism, thats basically why I took drugs, to escape. The drugs made me feel relaxed, and a little more confident. I didnt worry about anything, took everything day by day until it got to the point where I was just worrying about where my next amount of drugs was coming from, and then I found myself in very serious trouble. I would pinch. I dont now obviously because Im off it. I pinched, I begged, I busked, I would do anything to get that last bit of drugs. I couldnt wake up in the morning and face reality, it hurt too much. I fell in love, it was a good relationship, it went well, I felt wanted, I wasnt rejected, I had nice clothes, I had money, I had a car, I had everything that everybody else would have. Then the relationship ended through mother in law problems, as far as she was concerned I was never good enough for her. It went on too long for me, started to do my head in, I hit drugs again, and I think it was best that I ended it there, which I had to do. It was doing my head in to the extent that I would lie just to get out, just to get away from her and her mum. I have three children, my youngest daughter is three years old, and there isnt a day that goes by that I dont pray for them, that I dont miss them. I punish myself for that, I dont know, I just punish myself. Theyre always in my heart, and if I could get things back together again, Id be the first one in the queue to do it, because Ive had enough of this, four years on the streets, Ive had enough of it. The most frightening thing Ive seen on the street is my mate, he was begging, same as I was, and someone came and put a knife across his face and his throat, and he died. I was actually covered in his blood. That was the most frightening thing Ive ever ever experienced. I still think about it. Being homeless has taught me that if youve got something in the first place, dont ever let it go, dont be tempted, dont let anything take it away, because one drink leads to another drink, you become an alcoholic, one drug leads to another drug, you become a drug addict. I know because I have been both of those, and I have lost everything. Everything I could possibly own, all I own is what Im wearing and my sleeping bag, thats all Ive got and Im thirty - four years old. At the moment, the future holds nothing. I cant predict the future, I can only hope that somebody will give me a chance, and have a room and a job, and the chance of settling down, and living life like normal people live day by day. I have had many jobs, my main skill is being a mechanic, I can maintain a car no problem. If I had a chance Id go straight into buying and selling cars, if I was given that opportunity to start work. I need a starter, I need that backup to get me onto my feet, and then Id get a job, and I think Id be quite happy then. Until then its not a case of just sitting on the streets, being lazy, expecting people to give you money here and there, because I dont sit there for the fun of it, I dont sit there because I enjoy it. I despise sitting there, feeling low, no self respect, you lose everything. you dont even feel youve got a heart anymore. I do believe in God, because many times, my friend who has just passed away, used to pray for me, and I used to pray for him, and funny as it may seem, miracles or not miracles, God has definitely helped me in a lot of ways. I do pray every night for my best friend, who Im with every day, every minute of the day, protecting him, looking after him like he does me, so God has been a great help. THE STREET'S ARE HARSH. Jay is 26. We caught up with him recently. He has come to London homeless. Im twenty six, Ive been in London two days, I came here with my friend Paul from Brighton, after a funeral. Thats how Ive ended up on the streets in London. Mainly, its like, theres loads of homeless people on the streets, bit of a stupid move really, but we were just hoping to find some kind of accommodation, or work, or something down here. Like everybody else, people seem to head for London because they think the streets are paved with gold, but its not like that. London hasnt changed since the last time I was here, which was about eight to ten months ago. Its still exactly the same, theres still everybody roaming around homeless, theres still people dealing drugs on the street, it just hasnt changed at all. Its not getting any better, its getting worse. Ive been homeless over four years, I came to be homeless from living with my parents, my background. It just wasnt a good environment, I wouldnt like to go into details, but it just wasnt a good environment. I moved in with friends, so I was relying on them, then they had a kid coming along so I moved out. I was in a long term relationship, then that collapsed. Thats how I became virtually bang on the streets. I spent some time in prison in Dorset, in Sussex, but only for minor offences, only short periods of time. Non payment of fines, and things like that, which I prefer to do the prison sentence because I get the food, I know therell be a roof over my head, rather than pay the fine because I havent got the money in the first place. The future at the moment, its day by day, its the way I see things, it really is. I dont know whats happening, I dont know what Im doing tomorrow, its just a matter of where the next meals coming from. Hopefully, some accommodations going to turn up, its a cloud on my future. What Ive discovered on the streets is that its a harsh world, there are sour people out there, but most people are there fending for themselves, which is fair enough. Ive been homeless in more or less every town and city across the country, Ive traveled everywhere, yknow, Sussex, Oxford, same as with my friend. Ive traveled virtually the whole length of the country just trying to find accommodation. The odd places we were lucky, we might find a hostel or night shelter where we could stay for a week, but after that week runs out you cant stay there any longer. Thats where Ive traveled and how Ive traveled. Ive got no objections with the police as such, but they can harass you, its like you could be sitting down resting and they come and harass you for begging, when youre not begging, youre just sitting there. Except for one crime in Taunton, me and my friend got arrested for a crime we didnt commit, we were just in the area. We were arrested and held for I think it was fourteen hours, and then we were let go without a charge, and that was just because we were on the streets, and that did annoy me. They were just doing their job, thats how it goes. At times people can be cruel, like youre sitting down and you ask if they can just spare a little bit of change, and they might spit at you or whatever. Sometimes they catch you when you're in a mood yourself, and you might bark back, then something kicks off, you know, and its always your fault. Ive been attacked, you know, hit, kicked when I was asleep, lying in a doorway or something and somebody will come up to me, call me a scum bag and kick me. Its like Ive not done anything wrong, Ive got no choice, Im sleeping there, I cant find anywhere else to sleep so Ive just slept there, and someonell just come up and literally attack me because theyre drunk, or spit at me. Well, if someone honestly expects me to sit there while they spit at me, well Im afraid I cant do that. I try not to retaliate, but if people catch you when youre in the wrong mood, say youve not eaten for days and all youve had all the time is just grief, then you will retaliate in some ways, youll get pretty annoyed. Anybody whos thinking of leaving home, hitting the streets, its nothing like what it seems its going to be like out there, it is a hard world. Fending day for day, like, literally I was just trying to get my eyes closed just half an hour ago, and I had to sleep with one eye open. I thought someone was going to spit at me, or kick me. I would say just stay at home, its the only thing I have to say. From what Ive seen, from last time Ive been in London and this time, its rife, you know. There used to be clubbers, their bits and pieces, and other homeless people with hardcore drugs and it just seems to have got a lot more rife, a lot more blatant, a lot worse. It just doesnt seem to be getting any better for the future. People are taking drugs just to escape the way theyre feeling, to escape the lifestyle, to escape the cold sometimes, just to escape themselves, from where theyve come from, or whatever. Kids have got to learn that when they have an argument with their parents, its not because they dont want them to go out and do something, or they dont want them to go out and enjoy themselves, its because theyre trying to protect them, and protect what theyve got. After all, they are their children, and if they ended up like us, on the streets, they would be in for some very nasty experiences. Stay at home, listen to your parents, its not fun out here, its a dangerous world, and believe in God, it does help KATE RUNS FROM HER FAMILY I came to London to get away from my family. I just could no longer put up with them. I liked staying out at night with my friends but my dad was really strict I had to be in for 11 every night. My mum wasn't too bad, I think she understood me better. My two brothers couldn't do anything wrong in my dad's eyes. Even though they are younger than me I feel sorry for them when they grow up. I don't really want to talk about my Dad cos things happened and it hurts me when I think about it. But I just couldn't stay at home any longer. I met this guy in the centre of Slough and I got to know him quite well. He was a busker. I became friends with him and I used to go back to the squats. Thats when things really started to get bad. Some nights I would stay out all night. I was in my final year at school and I didn't see the need to go. My Dad started to get mad at me. I just had enough so I decided to leave home. I stopped in Slough for a few days and then I went on to Reading with a few of my mates. That was about 4 years ago. I've been home twice to see my mum and I phone her every so often. I've been in London for about four years. Pete is my boy friend we live in a squat and things are not going too bad for us. I've been in prison twice for stealing but I'm trying to stay out of trouble. Sometimes it's hard. I do take drugs. I can't come off them I've tried and tried. Gear helps me forget. My body needs it. Sometimes I get frightened I think if I get pregnant what will happen to my baby? My friend Sonia has just had a baby and it's addicted. That makes me feel bad cos that could be my baby. I beg each day In Leicester Square. Sometimes I earn quite a bit but it all goes on drugs. I'm not really happy but maybe tomorrow I will find happiness. I think about my two brothers a lot. One has just past all his GCSE'S. He's got a bright future. Look at me a junkie in need of a fix, Where did I go wrong? |
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