|
EDGES MAGAZINE Issue 19 |
October 1999 |
I'VE
HAD ENOUGH OFDRUGS
Daniel Exall is in our project. We are helping him build a new life. He shares some of his thoughts with us through his poetry. |
| No
Easy Way.
Chemical buzz, No time for love, Ill solutions, with the Class A contributions, Eight hour day, Eight hour night, Run out of time, An’ you’re in for a fright, Fly by hours, Fly by days, Ain’t no end, to this Circular maze, Ain’t no markers, On the ground, No idea how many, Times I been around, Got no mind for, Livin’ fine, when I’m, Out to get mine, An’ I’m out of my mind. Missing. These words, I write for you, Hard to think, Of no more Stu, No need for, The path you took, God’s speed, I wish, Good luck, I hope you find, Peace now, Hope you’re, At ease now, Can’t accept, The steal now, Be with you, for real now. Soul Return. Remember the times, We got out of our minds? All those years ago, How close were we, Bro ? Remember our first Xtc ? Wobbling and smiling, Right out of our tree? Thinking of those times, Is now so painful for me, Cos now you’re gone, I’m the only one, With these memories, I’ll never be so close again, Never make that connection again, Never find that direction again, Never been as tight, In all my life, I hate this loss, I hate to feel the grief, True soul brothers, For all to see, Now one of us has gone, How could that be ? Never. A bit of a toot, See what it’s like, On, your, Bike !, As good as gone, When it’s in your hand, An’ you light, That light, Makes no difference, who you are, This tears you up, spits you out, Steps back, an’ laughs. Time on my hands, Time to reflect, I’m alone, An’ I’m not getting wrecked, I’m feeling it all, It’s hitting home, I’m a social animal, An’ I’m alone, Company, Means the world to me, My friends I miss, I want my own, Here thru this, Places you can’t reach, The comforts of speech, With those you know, Are comfortable with, Time just seems to, While away, On a bad day, This feels how things will stay, I know I’ll be all-right, I know I’ll keep it tight, But all the while I’m here, I’ve got to do things right, Spend time on me, Look at things differently, All the while, Think of the friends, I do without, All the while, Think of the friends, Life’s about. |
Sight.
Never gonna lose again, The things I’ve lost, Someday I gotta feel the pain, Of a painful past, Hard to come to terms, With this turnaround so fast, Work it out in my mind, Make it last, Hard is the thought, Of the self that is wrong, Feel so bad, With the stuff that I’ve done, Feel so bad, When I think of what has gone, Got to turn it around, Use it to guide myself along, Got to give it back, To those who cut me the slack, Friends an’ family still there, Even though I give ‘em jack, Screwed right up, Time an’ time again, Couldn’t ask for more, In all my life, my friend, This turnaround has, Gotta stay, I see my future getting, Brighter every day. Real. One time, Brothers shared, Your tears I cry, Your pain I’m spared, Once tight, Watch you slide, All my life, Feel you inside. Do No Wrong. I hate what I’ve done, An’ I hate how I did it, I wish I could change it all, Just kinda back-spin it, Fat chance of that, So I mentally bin it, Cross my fingers, an’ Hope it’s all finished. Game over, restart, Fresh lives an’ ammunition, The things I did back then, Just weakened my condition, Mind is set, Stick to my decision, Just keep to my plan, With military precision. Never Again. Not goin’ thru’ all this again, Just not worth all the, Messed up pain, If only I’d known, Just what the job involved, If only beforehand, I’d been told, But no, never, I didn’t have a clue, So I just went ahead, Did what I do, Buried my head, Right down in the sand, I get knocked off my feet, Right where I stand, Didn’t have a clue, Till it was too late, Nearly two years, Till I made this break, Lost all my respect, My life went down the pan, All the while people stared, At messed-up Dan, Nothin’ left of what I had, Now it’s all gone, Ruined my life, I regret what I done. |
Burnt.
All seems so recent, Only yesterday, That you were here with us, With us to stay, I feel as if I, Could pull back time, An’ make it OK, An’ make you alive, I wish I could, Turn it around, Have you here with me, Have everything sound, But as days go by, Time slowly drifts, An’ it’s harder to remember, An’ reality shifts, Sadness slowly seeps, Into my life in streams, As if pouring in, From the now bursting seams, I’ll always be here, waiting to feel, You, your presence, Here for you for real, I want you back, I want you to be, Anger, frustration, Mean nothing to me, I need that contact, Just one more time, To touch you and ask, If everything’s fine, I hope you’re OK now, I hope you’re at ease, I hope you feel good now, I hope you’ve found peace, Striving for comfort, Looking for love, Hope you can rest now, When push came to shove, Here wasn’t for you, Here only hurt, That look in your eye, man Could tell you’d been burnt, I could see your pain, All those times you OD’d, Should have left you to go, An’ as you ceased to breath, Should have held you an’ said, Like I did once before, How much I loved you, Who I adored, At least I’d have told you, In my own way, That you were my brother, I was with you to stay, Instead all alone, Died a horrid way, Wish I could’ve saved you, Wish you had stayed. Guilt. Guilt is the truth, That is born of the lie, Guilt is the cloud, Behind my eyes, Guilt is the smile, With my inward sigh, Guilt is the pain, That I cannot deny Finally. I made the choice, to take this direction, Begin to see the benefits, with a bit of reflection, Start to feel good about, What I chose, What has always been there, Right under my nose, Never took the time to think, to realise, That livin’ well could be, This much of a surprise. |
