L.J. has been in our project for several weeks. He came to us homeless. We are preparing him for drug rehabilitation.

I started taking alcohol when I was sixteen, while I was working in a bar in the Isle of Man. I left home because of family problems, I was not getting on with my parents and I needed a little bit of independence. I first tried taking drink at a staff Christmas party and it altered my frame of mind. I could relax and that was good. I had resisted taking the drink for a few months because of the culture I was born into that told me it was not good for you. All the other boys around me seemed to be taking drink, so I thought, well, everyone else seems to be doing it, and it does not seem to be having any bad effect, they all seem to be enjoying themselves more when they are on drink, so the influence was there

I stopped drinking around the age of eighteen when I was first married. I went to Pakistan for a holiday and I stayed at my auntie’s house, my mum’s elder sister. She had a daughter, we used to chat and got to know each other pretty well and I was attracted to her. Her parents came up and her other aunts asking if I was interested in getting married and if I was, then would I be interested in getting married to their daughter. I found this a little embarrassing because usually they first contact the father, my father and then their parents and my parents would usually talk before I even come into the picture. My parents are pretty open-minded people and they did understand that we had both been brought up in a western environment, so there was a little leeway. That is the reason the aunts came up to me in the first place because they thought if he is not interested we will not go to his father, if he shows that he is interested then we will go to his father. They asked me and I was head over heels in love with her, I thought she was beautiful and very intelligent, she came second in the whole of the Islam college. So, I said yes in an embarrassed sort of way. They contacted my parents. What happens in Pakistan is that the girl’s side pays for the marriage. There was no dowry, usually the female side pays dowry, or gives furniture, or a fridge, for the married couple to help them to set up and start off a new life.

I came back to England and she came three months after on a visa. We had nothing in common whatsoever and I realized it was not love it was just lust. I did not love her, she just loved me and our brains were from two cultures. I was born in England and lived all my life here, I had a lot of western influences. I had been living on my own. I went to a mainly white school with not many Asians there and that did not help because you lose a little bit of your cultural traits and traditions

I then ended up being charged with a drug-related offence and then ended up on remand for a year. I was given a not guilty verdict on the case but in that time she was in Pakistan. We had a miscarriage and she wanted to see her parents. I went off with friends and got involved with this drugs thing, I thought it was better that she went back home for a few months. When they found out, pressure was put on her to divorce me, so when I came out of prison after a year I found out divorce proceedings were already started. I did go to try and make it up to her because I thought that that did not have anything to do with our relationship, but her parents would not even let me see her. They decide a lot for their youngsters, a lot of emotional blackmail, pressures are put on youngsters for what the parents think is better for their children, but it does not always work out that way. That is the reason why you have a little bit of rebellion against parents and arranged marriages. Having said that, they do work out a lot of the time. Divorce rates are quite low so I cannot knock it. Then I got to the stage of , well I'll go out and find a woman who is more compatible with me. Someone that was born here, where we would have much more in common, and be able to relate more easily and understand each other much better.

At the age of twenty-five I met a young Asian girl from Blackburn who used to work in Argos. We went out with each other for six months, which is a bit different from meeting each other a few times and then getting married, so we knew each other pretty well. I still had to leave for London because of family problems on her side. Her brothers and parents did not want her getting married to someone who had been in and out of prison, and had had other problems. So, we basically just had to leave town to avoid a lot of problems for the family, and we stayed in London for about three or four years. We did not get on that well, there was no trust in the relationship, and other things. I just was not ready for it; I had a lot of other baggage in my head, mentally. We both had problems and ended up separating, ended up having a divorce. I started smoking Cannabis for a while, from the age of twenty or twenty-one, all the way up till thirty. E’s, Amphetamines, I started taking these on the club scene, the rave culture, in about 93’/94’. I would take them on the weekend to get myself in the right frame of mind, that euphoric sort of feeling with ecstasy. Amphetamines would help keep the energy levels up while your dancing away five or seven hours a night. When you have taken class A drugs you move onto Coke and you think ‘well, they put that in E’s anyway, and I've tried E’s, so why not try a bit of Coke? I tried a bit of Coke, then moved onto Rock and Brown while I was living in London, where I was going through a depression, feeling lonely, so I started taking Heroin. This relaxed me while I was going through serious depression, with my marriage not working out and not having parents about. I then lost my job, a man came onto my woman while she was drunk, and I ended up beating him up and getting charged. So, I had a case, I had lost my job through drink-driving as I was cabbing in London at the time, my wife had just left me and my family did not want to know me, I was an outcast and Heroin was the alternative.

I had been out of Blackburn for four or five years, and when I came back I found a lot more Asian youngsters are dealing and smoking Heroin. In the last three to four years I see a big increase. There is still a lot of denial with the elders in our community about the drug problem, and its hard for an Asian to go and get help from agencies, because of the risk of the family getting to know, which would then put them in a risky situation. Sometimes the family can disown you, because it brings lots of shame, and they don’t know how to deal with it. They end up isolating you because they have not had any dealings with this kind of thing, so they don’t how to cope with it.

My father, in his own way, wanted the best for us. He tried to give us a good education, and we had clothes, cars, anything we wanted. Asian parents devote their lives to their kids, and they also expect a hell of a lot from them in return, and if you don’t, disappointment happens.

After saying all of this, I still believe it is important for the first generation Asians who where born here to find a balance, where we don’t lose our culture, where we can still integrate into a western society to be able to live comfortably.

I was referred to the THOMAS Project, which gave me the support I needed to keep off drugs in the community. I am now preparing to go into rehab, and I believe most people just need a bit of love and support to get off drugs. I am optimistic as I look ahead to the future.