THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME

Brent has now completed his time in our Project. We are continuing to give him support in the community. He thanks Edges Readers for their financial help.

My drug habit started about twenty years ago, using cannabis and that, and after a while I started using all different types of drugs, which led to heroin. That's when all my problems really started, everything started falling apart. I was losing people around me who I cared about, they started, not turning their backs, but shutting off really because they could not understand why I was doing what I was doing. I didn't realise I was affecting people that much because I was wrapped up in my own escape, and because of the physical addiction I just couldn't stop. I tried to stop several times and every day I thought I will do something about it, I will do something about it, but I never did. It just carried on and escalated and things got progressively worse.

I then started into crime because I could not work and keep a job, and that eventually led me to go into prison. I went into prison several times and each time I came out I was clean but I just went straight back to drugs again. The last time I went into a rehab in Sheffield for six months which did me a lot of good. I managed to stay clear after this for several years.

I found myself back using again. I don't particularly know what reason, I think it was to do with the long span of not taking drugs, I thought I did not have a problem and I would be alright to use. I found myself back to where I am now again.

My family have always been there but with me using drugs they didn't know how to handle it, they didn't know how to cope with it so they shut themselves off. They were just upset seeing what I was doing and they could not understand why I was doing it. As I said they have always been there but I just felt a bit outside, like left out. I don't know why really, whether it was just me or, I don't know what made it like that. I've got brothers and sisters, three brothers and one sister, and none of them take drugs. They've just smoked a bit of cannabis and that, and because they've seen what has happened to me they just wouldn't entertain using any other substances. So they've learnt through watching what I have been through really.

Being clean again now is a good thing because I'm not being put into a dangerous situation. If everyone was using drugs and that it would be hard for me, so in that respect it is like a safe environment with my family because none of them do use drugs.

In the period of time when I was clean for several years I moved down south. I met a girl down there and we had a child together. I stayed for three and a half years down there but it didn't work out. I missed my family and that, pressures of work and money, and just didn't work out. We decided to split up and I moved back up north. My son stayed down there with his mum, which affected me a great deal because I really missed him, I still do.

I ended up in another relationship that didn't work out. I found myself drinking alcohol quite a bit, more than normal really, and that's what led me back into drugs. I wasn't quite happy with myself and the situation, and I just found myself using again. Realising that it was a mistake, at first I thought that it was alright and I could handle it, I found everything came flooding back from the last time. Even though I knew I shouldn't be doing it I couldn't stop it.

I ended up back in prison again and realised I had to do something drastic. I decided to seek help in order to change my life because I was not happy with what I was doing. I was really depressed and down, I lost my self-confidence again, all the trust that I had built up over the years. It really hurt because I realised what I had lost and as soon as I had lost it I wanted it back desperately, but I had a drug problem again.

Finding St Anne's House was just what I needed. It gave me the time away from drugs and that, and I could go through my withdrawals in a safe environment. I now seem to be getting my life back together and in some order. I am going from strength to strength, day by day.

My dad's visiting this weekend with my brother, which is quite a big thing for me because he is not one for really showing his feelings. It's an unsaid thing, I know that he does care but it's never talked about or mentioned. I'm a bit nervous about their visit, about what my reaction will be and what he will be like. On the other hand I am looking forward to it because I know that he has made a step to come into my side of things. He knows what I am doing and why I am here, so he has obviously thought about it, so it's quite a big thing for him to come really. He is showing that he really does care.

For the future I hope to go back home, for a start, to live with my parents and to go back into employment again. I have a girlfriend, we have split up through my drug use, but we have started talking to each other again. I hope for the future that we eventually get back together. All the way through my drug use all she ever wanted was for me to stop and be myself. That's what I am doing know because we were happy together before. I just want to get on with my life. I feel as though, even though I have come through it and learnt a lot, that I have wasted a lot time. It's time to start taking responsibilities on, and be responsible for my actions, and to understand more about life. I am thankful that I have come through it and to be able to get on with my life because I thought I had lost everything.
(Brent Aged 37)