WHAT ABOUT ME?

Martin is a close friend of Edges Magazine

As I sit here and view my new life I wonder if it is actually new or is it just being repaired with a puncture kit.

Puncture kit would be a good way of describing it. I constantly feel as though I am running around trying to fix bits of it, only to find that as soon as I fix one part another seems to spring a leak. This is not due to any new problems I am creating but still two years later IT'S THE OLD ONES!

When will it end I often cry!

Will it ever be good enough I wonder!

I do find that the system is not geared for anybody who has had problems in their past.

About three years ago in the long running saga I call my life I had managed to access Drug Rehab in a residential setting, and was considered rehabilitated after 10 months. I left with good intentions and even managed to find a job. This is were my problems began. I had to lie on my application form about my criminal record:

Problem 1:

Do I tell the truth and risk not getting the job which would mean that also I would have a lot of time on my hands, and I learned in Re-Hab that this was not a good idea.

Or do I lie about my criminal record in order to get the job which was also not recommended in Re-Hab as lying is old behavior.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

I chose the second option and lied about my criminal record saying I didn't have one. To my surprise I was successful and began work almost straight away as a Production Operative, not very high powered but a job never the less.

Problem no 2:

I had to open a bank account in order to receive my wages each week and I had been blacklisted a couple of years earlier because I was an addict trying to feed my habit whatever the cost, therefore I owed in all about £3000 to various financial institutions. I approached a bank in Blackburn with no joy at all, and I was getting more and more frantic because the people at work were saying, "why haven't you got a bank account yet," and obviously getting a little suspicious about me. This I needed to avoid at all cost because of course I had lied on my application form!

After three weeks of constantly trying still with no luck the people at work decided they were going to check me out, and inevitably they found out about my criminal record and sacked me immediately.

I had stopped doing what I was taught to do in Re-Hab because I had lied and tried to manipulate the system and old behavior and thinking was back upon me as though it had never been away. The voice was telling me that I would never belong, I would never be included and why should I try when there is no help for me.

In almost an instant, 10 months work that I had done along with help from many other people in the Residential stage was gone. The old me was there staring me in the face with that reassuring smile and look that said to me "it will be better if you do it my way, at least you know you belong in my chaos."

It would be untrue if I were to say that this was the only stumbling block for me along the way but it was, and still is, one of the hardest consequences I have had to carry, that's for sure.

Lots of money, time and effort were given to me in my quest to live, and I felt that a lot of it is wasted in a way because nobody seems to approach the issues I have mentioned here.

WHAT ABOUT CREDIT PROBLEMS?

WHAT ABOUT CRIMINAL RECORDS?

These might not look like much but in fact they are the basis of living in society today with regards to Social Inclusion, because in order to do anything in society you need to be CREDIT CHECKED!

Likewise with working, but rather than just the credit issues you
NEED TO DECLARE A CRIMINAL RECORD!