MY DAUGHTER IS ANOREXIC
- I HAVE WATCHED HER STARVE

Where to start? It is hard to say.
This whole thing needs to be out in the open to help our peace of minds,and maybe , with God’s help , stop this from happening to some other family and might also help save a child’s life. It was summer time , we were on holiday in North Wales. My husband and eldest daughter went on a trip out while Leona, the youngest of our two girls, and I went in to the nearby village, stopping off for lunch on the way at a cafe. She was then about three years old, bright and very cheerful but seeming to have a grudge against food. She sat at the table playing with her chips, until the waitress finally took the plate away saying she had one at home just like her . We made light conversation then went on our way. That was by no means the last time Leona has had an attitude towards food.

A year later my husband was killed in a road traffic accident. Leona took this really badly and couldn't bear to be left at nursery or with grandparents. She also said she wished she was a baby again because she never wanted to leave her other house in Rishton before the loss of her dad. I remember how she chased the removal men to get our furniture back, and we laughed at her. Also a few weeks after moving she tried to run away from home, her dad ran after her, she’d got a couple of streets away with a teddy bear and paja in a Tesco’s carrier bag. We’d only been in this house a few months when the accident happened.

Once at school Leona seemed to settle down, she looked so cute in her little uniform, and used to skip round the playground and tell me tales of what she did at school. Looking back she was such a happy child.

Anorexia has one of the highest death rates of all psychiatric illnesses, there’s no such thing as classic Anorexia and never just one underlying cause.

If anyone has any concerns about their child, even if it means going back time after time to the doctors, don’t be frightened to make a fuss, one parent family or not, as long as you get the best treatment for your child. If your doctor won’t listen, find one who will.

I remember telling Leona’s headmaster about Leona’s poor eating habits, how difficult it was getting anything down her. She might eat half a teacake and play around with the rest etc. He looked at her hands and said they were small and this seemed to relate to her appetite.

Leona did well at everything she put her mind to. She did speech and drama. I remember her very first festival at Blackburn library, she was frightened she wouldn’t remember her words and believe me the three of us were word perfect by the day it came around. Joanne was even saying Leona’s words in her sleep. By the way she got honours! Her school teacher took her round to every class at school to recite it, and again at the school nativity play, ironically it was about a little girl who was so light she was blown away by a balloon.

Leona seemed to catch colds over and over again, I took her to the doctor’s and came out feeling we’d been wasting his time , but about a week or so after this, after eating a big meal she was sick all over the bus. Not wishing to seem neurotic I decided to skip the doctor, because I’ve been told you have to be careful being a one parent family.

Both my girls were a pleasure to bring up. I suppose I spoiled them a bit, I wanted to give them the chances in life my own parents, although hard working good people, couldn’t in those days afford for us. And I also wanted to make up for the loss of their father. There is a lot of guilt involved with bereavement, ask anyone who’s lost someone close. We went swimming together, had picnics, long walks in the country.

When my girls and their friends went running round Witton Park Track, one of the Blackburn Harriers came over and asked if that little blond girl was mine. He then said she could keep running up longer than kids twice her age. I encouraged my two to talk about their feelings. And instead of hanging round on street corners they were too busy and tired out for that. Don’t get me wrong they had plenty of friends, but I suppose I wanted to be a friend. I thought I was pretty lucky, and had a normal relationship with my children. People remarked how well behaved they were, and what a nice family we were.

On the first day of secondary school Leona was dressed in her uniform looking nervous.This was made worse by the fact that all her class mates had been placed in the middle set including a boy Leona helped teach to read. Leona had been put in the bottom set. All her reports were good, good,sheshe was well behaved and a “pleasure to teach” had been quoted. Getting back to the first morning of secondary, Joanne gave Leona plenty of encouragement. “Come on Leona, you’ll soon make new friends. friends.I’ll look after you”. These words still haunt her to this day, because the nightmare’s still going on.

Leona came home from school that evening quiet. I asked about school and tried to give reassurance about making new friends as did Joanne . However withdrawn and moody, and would retreat to her bedroom. And when her friends at home used to call for her she asked me to say she wasn’t in. I was surprised because she liked sleep-overs and trips out. I didn’t notice any difference in her eating habits, she’d always been picky with food. At the time I must have been concerned because I remember ringing the school and asking the teacher if somebody could perhaps keep an eye on her at dinner time . The teacher I spoke to was nice but had her hands tied because it was a large school.

The school nurse rang our house about Leona and told me that she hadn’t grown since primary school, and I was concerned about this. I told her I wasn’t really worried because she’d always been small, and besides which, a friend of her’s who was in the same class at primary school was smaller still. Nevertheless I took Leona along to the doctors. The same practice – different doctor, who said not to worry as she would spring up all at once. At this point I wasn’t overly convinced, so I took her to a private clinic in Clitheroe, the lady at the clinic more or less said the same words as the doctor, gave advice about food, little and often was best/also relaxation techniques etc. We began buying organic vegetables. Even if Leona wasn’t eating a lot she’d still be getting the goodness. I’d told her as I’d told the doctors in the past,when she seemed to get an appetite, all the food would come back. She had a full tin of spaghetti hoops one night,came in to my bed crying,saying she felt sick. And she was. It’s always been like that with Leona.

I remember Leona having three anxiety attacks, two in the last year of primary school,and one at secondary school,and ending up in hospital being referred to the children’s clinic. After the first attack the doctor at the hospital said you don’t usually see this sort of thing in the playground so to speak,but didn’t feel any reason to continue seeing her. One time she had an asthma attack and we had to carry her in to casualty as her legs gave up as we reached the door. They rushed her in to a room,put a nebuliser on her, and something on her finger, and a green needle object in her tiny hand. She was struggling to breathe for some time. I kept talking calmly to her over and over and over again,telling her she would be alright.

Week after week as I dropped the children off at school Leona seemed really down in spirit. I repeatedly asked her if she was being bullied,until both the girls got mad with me and Joanne said “Tell her your NOT being bullied Leona! We’re both sick of this inter rogation!!!” But I knew the signs,being a victim of bullying at a similar age myself.

Finally it came out.I was in the bathroom one evening when Leona came in crying,telling me what had happened at school that day. The class had be making Father’s Day cards and a boy told her she couldn’t make one having a dead dad,and other really crude things which are best left unrepeated.It seems that because she was working hard to get in a higher set with her friends,she was labelled a swat,who crept to the teachers.As Joanne was a prefect at school I asked her to keep an eye on Leona as previously, then went to see her teacher who was really good about it all,and the bullying stopped for a week.The boy who was popular managed to get the entire class to ostracize her. Even a new-made friend deserted her, but Leona didn’t blame her as the child was only protecting herself and was also insecure. This had been going on for a couple of months or so after she started school,and had continued ever since. She hadn’t been going to the canteen because she was frightened of seeing that lad. She spent dinnertime sitting in the toilet or walking round the streets alone. At one point she tried to hang herself,and we can only thank God that it went wrong.

Anorexia has one of the highest death rates of all psychiatric illnesses,there’s no such thing as classic Anorexia and never just one underlying cause .

If anyone has any concerns about their child, even if it means going back time after time to the doctors,don’t be frightened to make a fuss,one parent family or not,as long as you get the best treatment for your child.If your doctor won’t listen,find one who will.

Eating Disorders Helpline (01603 621414)