Simon shares his story My name is Simon and I am thirty three years old I started taking drugs when I was thirteen. I picked up on alcohol but not for long it was mostly solvents, which went for a long time. When I look back I remember getting caught at school at fourteen and was nearly expelled. I remember the headmaster and a couple of education officers talking to me. They asked me if I had ever sniffed on my own. I had done it on my own quite a lot. My mother told me a few months ago what the headmaster had told her; he said, that either I would go through the whole process of using anything and everything or I would stop then. She said those words haunt her to this day. He must have had some sort of insight into these things. I progressed to Cannabis at fifteen, and I wasnt happy with just a bit or a few snorts, I always tried to make it stronger by putting it into bottles or other things. I also started taking Whizz, which I thought would help me with the Cannabis. I became quite paranoid about this. I then went on to Ecstasy and eventually at twenty one years of age I began to use Heroin. I was in a relationship with my friends girlfriend. We started seeing each other behind his back. They had a baby and they split up because of this, everyone said the baby looked like me. She told me that it wasnt mine which is what I wanted to hear. It was after this that I started taking heroin. It was good, I didnt trip on it, I didnt get paranoid on it, I didnt feel on it, I didnt do anything on it really. It just felt right, it felt comfortable, I was happy on it. It soon became a habit. I soon got into crime when I kept losing jobs. I had never had a criminal record, apart from some trouble at school. I had never had any convictions until I started on heroin. When I was on soft drugs, though I dont think there is such a thing as a soft drug full stop, they do not exist. They all damage in their own way. I have had twelve years of addiction before I came into T.H.O.M.A.S. and Im glad I came in. Since arriving at T.H.O.M.A.S. Ive discovered that I am not a bad person, I have done bad things, Ive done despicable things to my family, Ive been manipulative, Ive begged borrowed and stolen. I know that heroin might explain my actions, but it doesnt excuse them, Im not trying to do that. It stops with me. What I mean about not being a bad person is that the heroin changes your thought processes, it changes you as a person. Talking to my parents on the phone shortly after coming here, my dad said that I sounded like the boy he used to know. He is not the sort of person who gives out compliments or pats you on the back, he does it in other ways. For him to say something like that to me meant a lot. That was just talking to me, hearing my voice not actually seeing me in person; he said that I sounded more confident. I have a lot of issues about my ex girlfriend and my little girl. My ex-girlfriend is with someone else and she is now expecting a little boy. When I first came here I wanted to beat up her new boyfriend. But being realistic I know that she was seeing him behind my back and it was all down to drugs and I have to take responsibility for that and for my little girl. For the first time in years Im putting someone else before me. I was a very selfish person. I know that the person on heroin wasnt the real me. Its hard owning up in front of the other boys but they are as vulnerable as I am and as everyone else. But you have to take a chance and trust the others. And the significant thing that I have learnt is that I know that Im not a bad person, Ive got the rest of my life now and thats what I want. |
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