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EDGES MAGAZINE
Issue 37 |
April
2004 |
I always felt quite isolated
At the moment James is in the T.H.O.M.A.S. Rehab
Programme
I first started using drugs when I was
about 17. I had just come out of secondary school and was starting 6th form
college when I was introduced to Cannabis. It was a slight progression at first
from week-end to twice a week and then daily. I like the feeling that I got
from Cannabis so I started experimenting with other drugs. And then I started
using amphetamines, ecstasy and crack; it was a progression, it was like a
chemistry lab you know. I dont think Cannabis should be legalized,
its a progression, people will move on to harder drugs. It affects so
many lives, it affects peoples families and it certainly affects the
person who is taking the Cannabis. A lot of cases are reported now of people
with mental health problems and a lot of that comes from Cannabis. Cannabis
gave me a slight paranoid feeling that was the downside to it, but it also gave
me a sort of escapism, an escape from reality. It was something I hadnt
tried before, my peers were doing it, it was a case of fitting in being
accepted. I had never experienced anything like that before, I suppose I did
enjoy it.
I come from a very supportive family, there is no history
whatsoever of any drug problems. No alcohol problems, we are a very respected
family in the local community. I have two older sisters, they have never been
involved with drugs or alcohol. I come from a hard working family. My parents
worked very hard to give us the best start in life. They were always there for
us, they gave us the best.
I always felt quite isolated. I was lonely
within myself, a lonely sort of person and maybe the drugs were a form of
escape from that. An escape from reality. I had quite a few friends at primary
school but again I was always lonely within myself analyzing things. When I got
to secondary school it was different, there were a lot more people there mostly
the same age. Those teenage years were quite hard, trying to fit in, I
wasnt the most intelligent person, so I had to work harder than most, but
I always felt that I got good reports. My grades were quite good, quite
reasonable.
I had quite a few friends, I was in to extra-curricular
activities, like football, swimming, basketball. I represented the school at
football, or other activities. that brought me a lot of friends. I met some
very good, very nice people there and I had what was probably the best time of
my life. I enjoyed school, I rarely missed a day from school.
When I
left college I went straight into full time employment. I had A
level equivalent in art and design, but I didnt want to follow that. I
wanted to go out into the big, wide world, to earn some money and be
independent. It was at that point that I began working for a big chemists as a
sales assistant. It was whilst I was there that opportunities arose for me to
work as an health care assistant and they gave me some training which I
enjoyed. I then went on to be an assistant supervisor and they gave me some
training and I moved to a bigger store in Piccadilly as a supervisor. It was a
very good job and that is where I started stealing to fund my heroin habit.
They became suspicious because it was quite a lot of money, and so I put my
notice in telling them that I had got another job.
I then got a job in
administration with a big administrative company, which I always wanted to do,
to work with computers in an I.T. environment and it was a stepping stone to
that. I worked there for about a year. I then moved to another company and then
to a call-centre.
My heroin addiction started taking off from then. At
first it was just a weekend thing, with the people that I was hanging around
with, a sort of recreational drug. I didnt think that I would ever get
that involved with it. I knew what heroin did to you and I didnt want to
get that involved, its a very expensive drug and an unsociable one. I
kept that from a lot of people apart from the people that I was working with.
That progressed from week end use to twice weekly and before you know it
youre using it every day. Before I knew it I was taking drugs just to go
about my normal daily routine. I couldnt function properly without it.
That went on for a number of years, before I knew where I was it was
controlling my life. The money I was earning wasnt enough I had to do
other things to fund my habit. So I became a deceitful, manipulative person. I
felt that it was the drug that had done that to me. It had turned me into this
monster. As I said earlier I come from a very respectable family and I have
been brought up to know right and wrong. I started stealing from my parents and
convinced myself that I wasnt doing anything wrong and at the same time
youve got the devil on your shoulder and you need the drug. I didnt
really get into much trouble with the police. I received a caution and I got a
probation order. It was because of this that I decided the criminal life was
not for me. Im not the best criminal in the world. I didnt want to
go to prison and bring shame on myself or my family. I went back into work and
this was funding my habit, at the same time I was stealing from my family, and
taking money from their bank accounts, taking out loans that I knew I could
never repay.
Since coming into rehab Ive met a lot of good people
who are very kind and supportive and I didnt think you got that from a
rehab. Im learning from the 12 steps programme which is very difficult
and very intensive. This programme has helped a lot of people stay clean and in
the short time that Ive been in T.H.O.M.A.S. I have come to realize that
Im in the right place and hopefully they will help me stay drug
free.
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