EDGES MAGAZINE Issue 37

April 2004

I always felt quite isolated
At the moment James is in the T.H.O.M.A.S. Rehab Programme

I first started using drugs when I was about 17. I had just come out of secondary school and was starting 6th form college when I was introduced to Cannabis. It was a slight progression at first from week-end to twice a week and then daily. I like the feeling that I got from Cannabis so I started experimenting with other drugs. And then I started using amphetamines, ecstasy and crack; it was a progression, it was like a chemistry lab you know. I don’t think Cannabis should be legalized, it’s a progression, people will move on to harder drugs. It affects so many lives, it affects people’s families and it certainly affects the person who is taking the Cannabis. A lot of cases are reported now of people with mental health problems and a lot of that comes from Cannabis. Cannabis gave me a slight paranoid feeling that was the downside to it, but it also gave me a sort of escapism, an escape from reality. It was something I hadn’t tried before, my peers were doing it, it was a case of fitting in being accepted. I had never experienced anything like that before, I suppose I did enjoy it.

I come from a very supportive family, there is no history whatsoever of any drug problems. No alcohol problems, we are a very respected family in the local community. I have two older sisters, they have never been involved with drugs or alcohol. I come from a hard working family. My parents worked very hard to give us the best start in life. They were always there for us, they gave us the best.

I always felt quite isolated. I was lonely within myself, a lonely sort of person and maybe the drugs were a form of escape from that. An escape from reality. I had quite a few friends at primary school but again I was always lonely within myself analyzing things. When I got to secondary school it was different, there were a lot more people there mostly the same age. Those teenage years were quite hard, trying to fit in, I wasn’t the most intelligent person, so I had to work harder than most, but I always felt that I got good reports. My grades were quite good, quite reasonable.

I had quite a few friends, I was in to extra-curricular activities, like football, swimming, basketball. I represented the school at football, or other activities. that brought me a lot of friends. I met some very good, very nice people there and I had what was probably the best time of my life. I enjoyed school, I rarely missed a day from school.

When I left college I went straight into full time employment. I had ‘A’ level equivalent in art and design, but I didn’t want to follow that. I wanted to go out into the big, wide world, to earn some money and be independent. It was at that point that I began working for a big chemists as a sales assistant. It was whilst I was there that opportunities arose for me to work as an health care assistant and they gave me some training which I enjoyed. I then went on to be an assistant supervisor and they gave me some training and I moved to a bigger store in Piccadilly as a supervisor. It was a very good job and that is where I started stealing to fund my heroin habit. They became suspicious because it was quite a lot of money, and so I put my notice in telling them that I had got another job.

I then got a job in administration with a big administrative company, which I always wanted to do, to work with computers in an I.T. environment and it was a stepping stone to that. I worked there for about a year. I then moved to another company and then to a call-centre.

My heroin addiction started taking off from then. At first it was just a weekend thing, with the people that I was hanging around with, a sort of recreational drug. I didn’t think that I would ever get that involved with it. I knew what heroin did to you and I didn’t want to get that involved, it’s a very expensive drug and an unsociable one. I kept that from a lot of people apart from the people that I was working with. That progressed from week end use to twice weekly and before you know it you’re using it every day. Before I knew it I was taking drugs just to go about my normal daily routine. I couldn’t function properly without it. That went on for a number of years, before I knew where I was it was controlling my life. The money I was earning wasn’t enough I had to do other things to fund my habit. So I became a deceitful, manipulative person. I felt that it was the drug that had done that to me. It had turned me into this monster. As I said earlier I come from a very respectable family and I have been brought up to know right and wrong. I started stealing from my parents and convinced myself that I wasn’t doing anything wrong and at the same time you’ve got the devil on your shoulder and you need the drug. I didn’t really get into much trouble with the police. I received a caution and I got a probation order. It was because of this that I decided the criminal life was not for me. I’m not the best criminal in the world. I didn’t want to go to prison and bring shame on myself or my family. I went back into work and this was funding my habit, at the same time I was stealing from my family, and taking money from their bank accounts, taking out loans that I knew I could never repay.

Since coming into rehab I’ve met a lot of good people who are very kind and supportive and I didn’t think you got that from a rehab. I’m learning from the 12 steps programme which is very difficult and very intensive. This programme has helped a lot of people stay clean and in the short time that I’ve been in T.H.O.M.A.S. I have come to realize that I’m in the right place and hopefully they will help me stay drug free.


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