EDGES MAGAZINE Issue 41

April 2005

Children are the
innocent victims
of alcohol














Edges is grateful to Childline for the article




  Alcohol
'Mum's always going out drinking and leaving my sister and me at home. Yesterday she took headache pills with alcohol and ended up in hospital. I don't want to go home. I want to be put into care. ' (Susie, 12)

What is alcohol abuse?
Drinking alcohol is very common. For most people, it is an enjoyable part of a party or going out with friends. Most people who drink do not have a drink problem. However, for some children and young people who call ChildLine, alcohol does cause problems. This can be because they are drinking too much. More commonly though, it is because someone they care about - a parent, grandparent, brother, sister, girlfriend, boyfriend or a friend - is drinking too much. For these callers, alcohol is a problem. This is called alcohol abuse. Alcohol abuse is measured in different ways by different organisations. Doctors talk of the number of alcohol units it is safe to drink each week to avoid ill-health.

However, it is not only the number of alcohol units drunk each week that measures whether someone is abusing alcohol. It is also how people feel when they drink. For example, you or someone close to you may have a drink problem if you or that person needs to drink before talking to people, working, going out or doing something similar.

ChildLine defines alcohol abuse as someone being hurt - emotionally or physically - by someone who has been drinking. ChildLine receives calls from children and young people who have been put down, shouted at, hit or punched as a result of drinking. Alcohol is also a factor in about one third of all child abuse cases. It often leads to domestic violence. These things can happen as a result of one-off binge drinking or from months or even years of heavy drinking with the effects building up gradually. If you or someone close to you has a drink problem, it can have a huge impact on your life.

How common is alcohol abuse?
'Apparently my mum started drinking after my dad left. That's when I was a baby. She drinks cider all the time and is always shouting at me. I want her to stop.' (Ben, 15)

Each year, Child Line receives over 5,000 calls from children and young people about alcohol abuse. At ChildLine, we receive five times more calls from children and young people who are affected by someone else's drinking - usually a parent - than we do from young people concerned about their own drinking. The effects of alcohol abuse on children and young people can be very traumatic.

There are lots of people in the UK who have a drink problem. It is estimated that it could be as many as one in 25 people - and many of them are parents or are known to children. Alcohol - unlike illegal substances - is available everywhere, even though it is as addictive as many drugs. It is therefore a readily available, inexpensive and potentially abusive substance.

There is a lot of news on the television and in the papers about how much young people drink today. But there is very little about the terrible effects drinking by others can have on children and young people's lives.

How can I stop drinking?
'I want to stop drinking. I've had a pain down my right side and I'm afraid it might be my kidneys. I started drinking a lot a few weeks ago because my girlfriend finished with me.' (John, 15)

Most young people who call ChildLine about their own alcohol abuse are upset about something that happened when they had been drinking. They may not be sure what happened or now regret something they did under the influence of alcohol. Unprotected sex is the most common concern and often, as a result, being worried about being pregnant. Often this has happened with someone they don't know, rather than with a regular partner. A small number of callers are worried that they are drinking too much, too often, and fear they cannot stop.

Why do people drink?
'My dad's mum died last year and since then he has turned to alcohol. He and Mum argue all the time. Sometimes he swears and says he doesn't care about us. I feel sorry for him, as he seems to be getting worse, not better.' (Sian, 14)

Parents who drink responsibly can enjoy alcohol in moderate amounts and it does not have a bad effect on their children. Nearly all children and young people try alcohol as they grow up and most are able to learn what drinks they enjoy and how to handle alcohol's effects. But when children talk about their parents' or carers' alcohol misuse, they often say it started after some kind of loss, for example, the loss of a loved one through death or divorce or the loss of a job.

What happens to children when adults drink too much?
'If my dad leaves, I am worried that no one will be able to control him.' (Philip, 12)

When there is a drinker in the family, children often focus on the grownup's feelings rather than their own. Children can feel responsible for what is happening. They can feel guilty because they are unable to stop the grown-up drinking. However, they are not responsible. The only person who can stop the alcohol abuse is the person who is consuming the drinks.

Callers to Child Line tell us that, as well as being hit or hurt and shouted at, they can feel very scared and embarrassed by their parent's alcohol abuse. They can also feel very alone and as though they have no one to turn to. Children regularly tell us that they feel confused. A parent can be caring when they have not been drinking, but unpredictable and terrifying when drunk. Children also worry that their parent will become ill from drinking. Some children and young people are so disturbed, they feel they cannot take any more and try to run away from home or even to take their own lives.

Who keeps the family together when a parent drinks?
'Mum has been drinking heavily for the last four months and leaves my sister and me at home alone three or four times a week.' (Carly, 13)

Children and young people can be left alone while a parent or carer has gone out drinking. They often have to look after the parent or carer who has been drinking. This means that, as well as being alone and vulnerable, they also have to take on a caring role. This is often the case when the mother's drinking is a problem or when children live alone with their father. Children describe having to do housework, as well as more personal tasks for their drinking parent - like bathing, putting them on the toilet or cleaning up after them. Older children also regularly have to care for younger brothers and sisters while their parents are out drinking. Many children miss school because of this.

What are the effects of alcohol?
'My dad broke my nose last year when he was drunk. My sister has left home. I feel empty and hurt.' (Milly, 12)

Many people are able to drink moderate amounts without a problem. However, alcohol can make someone's behaviour much worse. They can become rude, nasty, aggressive and violent. Often callers to Child Line do not immediately say that alcohol abuse is the main reason for their call. They may call us about domestic violence or emotional, physical or sexual abuse. Often though, they then say that the person involved had been drinking before the violence or abuse started. The effects on children of witnessing such violence can be long lasting and devastating. Many describe the distress of watching or hearing their mother assaulted by their father or her partner. If children try to help their mother, they themselves are at risk of being hurt. Children describe having nightmares, being unable to sleep and having difficulties at school. Many children are also worried about their younger brothers and sisters and want to protect them.

Domestic violence can also be directed toward children and young people. Many have described the often brutal acts carried out against them by a parent or carer under the influence of alcohol. They have described being hit, slapped, thrown down the stairs or burnt with a cigarette. Such violence is often accompanied by emotional abuse, which can be just as hurtful, like 'I wish you'd never been born' or " don't love you'. Some children speak of being sexually abused by a parent or carer under the influence of alcohol. Others describe being sexually assaulted by men brought home by a parent who has been drinking. Whilst the majority of abusers are male, a few have spoken of being sexually abused by a mother when she is drunk.

Where has the money gone?
When a parent or carer drinks heavily, there is often no money left over for basic items like food and clothes. As a result, children often go hungry, do not have enough money for school meals or new clothes, and cannot afford activities like swimming or school trips. Such neglect can lead to children being bullied at school, which adds to their distress and feeling of isolation. Some children refuse to go to school because of this and find other ways of expressing their anger, for example, by offending.

Where can I get help?
Most families often attempt to cover up a family member's alcohol abuse. Children and young people are often pressurised into not telling anyone about what is happening. They are terrified that if they do, it may result in the family being broken up or them being put into care. Like adults, children and young people often find it difficult to talk about their feelings. But they need to tell someone in order to seek help.

Young callers ringing ChildLine about their own drinking are often afraid to tell their parents and want some support in deciding what to do next. Child Line counsellors often spend time with children practising what they might say to their parents or carers.

For children and young people calling Child Line about another person's drinking, we offer the chance to talk in private about what's happening in their families. Child Line counsellors do not blame or criticise and can suggest where to find support and advice, often locally.

 

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