I started using drugs in 1994. I started on cannabis and everything was alright at first. But from that I went on to ecstasy when I went out ‘raving’. Things were good at first but it was mostly peer pressure that made me go, I didn’t like the rave scene or the music; but when I went with my friends I enjoyed the first time and after that I went every week because I enjoyed it that much. I was working so I was able to fund it. Things started messing up when I started to do pills during the week. First it was a couple a week, then a couple of pills a couple of nights, then it was every night. By this time I had lost my job; I was falling out with my parents all the time, I was causing them a lot of grief. Things were going downhill for me and they were going downhill rapidly. I had no means of funding and that’s when I started stealing from cars, stealing daft things. I didn’t care who I stole from. I ended up getting arrested and I was inside on remand, only for a few weeks, but it didn’t frighten me. When I got out I carried on using. I was introduced to amphetamines; I saw people injecting them and it wasn’t long before I was holding my arm out asking someone to give me an injection. As soon as I had that first one I loved it. I changed my drug of choice from ecstasy to speed on a daily basis. The thieving got worse, more intense and I started stealing from my family, friends, people around me and I didn’t care who I hurt in the process; I was in a mess. This went on for a good few years, I was in and out of prison, a few short sentences. Each time I was inside I thought that’s it, I’m not coming back anymore it’s not worth it, but as soon as I got out I’d go to see my old acquaintances and I’d be using again; sometimes it was only a matter of hours and I’d be back injecting, back to stealing. I was in Thorne Cross and I remember the chaplain telling me that I needed to change my friends and associates, to start doing this and doing that if I didn’t want to go back to prison. I took it all on board but I was out in the morning and by six in the evening I was off my head. 3 days later I was arrested and back inside. It was just a cycle I was in. When I look back it was horrible. I was in a relationship at the time, it was quite serious but I was using, my partner was using and it was more of a partnership than a relationship. We were just using each other for drugs and the sex. It was terrible. It was horrible. We broke up and I was doing cocaine. I was doing bad things. My mum and dad had disowned me by this time; they had cut me off from my younger brother not allowing me to hang around with him. He was in his last years at school. My sister was the only person who really stood by me. She saw that I was in a mess but even she didn’t trust me because she knew what I was like. She would let me into the house because I needed to do my drugs. This went on for a couple of years. In 2001 I got into another relationship. It was a serious one, well I thought it was. We had a baby and I was still using. When the baby was born things were okay for a few months but I was using on the quiet – cocaine smack – she knew I was off my head and the relationship ended. I couldn’t stop even for my daughter. I went off my head and used crack cocaine; it was intense, I was doing things that I never thought I could do, robbing people because drugs had a hold on me. I couldn’t get out of it I was hooked. In July 2003 I ended up inside because I had taken a car and I ended up in a police chase. I was inside for four and a half months and I thought that’s it, I’m doing it this time. I was in a mess when I went in, mentally and physically. I got out on bail and the first thing I did was go round to a friend’s house and score. I was back in. I was out for 8 weeks I had built up my habit, spending £300 a day on drugs; I was doing some serious grafting to fund that. I ended up back inside on a serious charge. I attacked my dealer in a crack cocaine rage and I ended up inside on a section 18 charge. After a couple of weeks inside and I had got my head together I realised that I had to do something about it. I had wasted 10 years of my life. So I got in touch with the CARAT team and I did a lot of work with them. They offered me a rehab but I knew nothing about rehabs. They gave me a list of rehabs and then I was told about T.H.O.M.A.S. and Pam. They asked me if I would like an interview with her. I went away and thought about it and then asked to see her. I said that I needed to do it, I needed to turn my life around. Pam came up and talked to me and when I went to court I ended up getting a place on the T.H.O.M.A.S. rehab programme. It was all new to me, I came to T.H.O.M.A.S. in Blackburn. It’s saved my life; I didn’t know what to expect but it was better than I had expected. It gave me a chance to look at my addiction, to look at myself, to look at my issues and I did a lot of inner thinking. I was here for 3 months on the programme and I think I did quite well. After the programme I decided to go back to Blackpool because I thought I knew best. I went round to see a few friends who were using and I knew it was on me. I realised that I didn’t want that life anymore, it wasn’t for me. I got in touch with T.H.O.M.A.S. and I came back to Blackburn. I was re-housed and I now do voluntary work. Now I’m on the T.H.O.M.A.S. drama workshop which is carrying the message to younger people, giving them a chance to look at where I have gone wrong, to show them that it’s not a way of life. I never thought that 3 months, 12 months, 5 years ago that I would be a person who would be going into schools giving the message about drugs and how dangerous they are and how they mess up your life. T.H.O.M.A.S. has saved my life. |
