Haulfryn Funnies
Last updated: 08/12/2001
Subject: Chat-up lines
I wish you were a nail so I could bang you all day long.
Nice legs...what time do they open?
Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.
You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?
I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.
I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.
Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.
I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
You can feel the magic between us...No, lower!
If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
(Look down at your crotch) Well It's not just going to suck itself.
You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.
You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?
Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.
My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.
Baby, I'm an American Express lover...you shouldn't go home without me.
Do you sleep on your stomach at night? Can
I?
Now, if you do use one of our patented tried and true pick up
lines...they will work. We can get you in the door, and into the
bedroom, but if you would ever like to be invited back again, there
are certain rules of etiquette. The following are things never to say
to a naked woman the first time you see her that way...
Cool, I've never been to the Grand Canyon.
How many Palm Pilots can you fit in there?!
You must be VERY experienced.
Remember, you said this was a freebie...right?
Wait, let me get a board and rope so I don't fall in.
I gotta take off my watch, wouldn't wanna lose it.
Why do you wear a bra when you've already got a belt.
So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
Look....I can get my whole arm in.
It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
Is that an optical illusion?
If I look right at it I feel like I'm falling in.
Would you mind wearing a paper sack on your head?
Do you mind if I wear one too...in case yours falls off?
Jeez...What ya got up there, dead fish?
I heard you could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.
Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
I've been wondering all night what that smell was.
Maybe if I get really wasted I wont mind your body.
You know they have surgery to fix that.
Everybody down at the bar said you were good.
Oh, that's why they call it a Wonderbra, it makes those lines go away.
Huh? They told me your name was Jezebel.
I expect a good time, at least, the bathroom wall said so.
You're not as ugly as people claim, not quite anyway.
You're not 'that' fat.
I see why everyone said, with you, it's better with the lights out.
Wow, you like it the same way your little sister does
Copyright © 2001 Ian Ganderton. All rights reserved.
Revised: December 08, 2001