J O Y S T I C K J U R Y
Success in the charts doesn't always mean it's the best game
around. Check out the thoughts of our
jury this month - Ron Smith, Roger Willis and David Lester
- and you'll see what we mean ...
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HYPERBLASTER
Lothlorien / £5.95
Roger: Get ready for a thoroughly hyper-
yawn
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experience, because this is nothing
but a down-market and down-wind re-work of that lounge bar favourite of
yesteryear, Asteroids. Read and then
instantly forget the fantasy blurb on the
cassette liner, as the game's got virtually
nothing to do with "hi-tech galaxy
surveillance craft".
If there's anyone left in this universe
who isn't familiar with the game format,
then tough - I'm not about to bore you all
by describing it. It's enough to say that for
the sake of 'originality', the victims of
player aggression have been named
'Deltanoids'. Their spherical appearance
and painful manners, which are alleged to
become "more brutal and devious" as
infantile skill level rises, should really have
attracted the seminal title for games of this
ilk, which has to be Hemorrhoids.
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And if you haven't got it yet, let's just
say this one's guaranteed to give you a
meaningful pain in the bottom -
especially if you've clawed yourself up to a
respectable height on the
evolutionary ladder. 1/5 
Ron: I thought we killed off Asteroid
lookalikes sometime in the dark ages of
computing. Will software houses never
learn that you can't lump together
Asteroids and Arcadia
and get away with it! 1/5
David: A pretty good version of Asteroids,
but then I'm sure we've all got at least one
copy somewhere at home. The graphics
get more interesting as you
progress the levels 3/5 
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PI IN 'ERE
Automata / £6.00
David: The tedious scenario for this arcade
game
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casts you as a miniaturised BURT
inside a computer. Your mission? To track
down the 'Big Bug', by tunnelling through
RAM and collecting various items along
the way. And if you think that sounds like
an original idea, I don't know where
you've been for the last few months.
The graphics are very reminiscent of Pi-Balled's characters, and are both colourful
and well-animated. The game's actually
quite difficult to succeed at, especially
when you're creating new tunnel knowing
that there's a band of nasties on your tail. I
must admit though, that it didn't inspire
the 'just one more go then ...' feeling that
should come with a good game. On the
other hand, it's a reasonable version of its
kind and is well supported by good
graphics and sound.
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While it does have a
Kempston joystick option, I found it too
unresponsive to be useful and ended up
back at the keyboard.
This game certainly won't stun the
computer world by leaping up the charts
- but it should be a success
among Piman fans. 3/5
Ron: The title does nothing to suggest that
this is nothing but a Mr Do! rip-off ... but
so what. The game's great fun, and it's
certainly my
tip for the top. 4/5
Roger: At last - an arcade game that
requires some detailed strategic planning.
Automata's Piman games do have a
tendency to be a bit similar but, having
said that, it's quite
difficult to play. 3/5
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FULL THROTTLE
Micromega / £6.95
Roger: As a long-standing motorcycle
fetishist,
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Full Throttle's simulator
promises were fatally attractive to me and
it absorbed far more of my time than I
originally planned - however, I couldn't
help having one or two misgivings.
Program content initially exudes Grand
Prix bike racing authenticity; the player is
offered a menu of 10 of the greatest Grand
Prix circuits in Europe. Throttle, brakes
and steering all function in an apparently
realistic way - the 'racing line' you take
through the corners is critical to speed -
but complete control is difficult on the
keyboard. The 3D graphics are fairly good
but, compromised by a lumpy horizon,
each track has a habit of looking the same.
Worse still, an absence of visual reference
make 'learning' each circuit almost
impossible, so anticipation is seriously
limited; just naming the corners of each
circuit would have helped.
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Unfortunately, the whole thing
crumbles into arcadia when the player gets
fast enough in the saddle to ride with the
pack. The other 40 riders hop about like a
bunch of idiots ... and bang goes the
realism. Aspirant Barry Sheenes will bite
Sinclair's finest with abject frustration as
the opposition crank through the
turns without ever crashing. 4/5
Ron: I found this game quite impossible to
play - the only way I got to race with the
rest of the pack was to
let them lap me. 2/5
David: It's not the most colourful game I've
seen, but it's certainly the best bike-racing
game by far. Impressive 3D bikes and a
selection of race tracks
made this a winner. 4/5
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ALCATRAZ HARRY
Mastertronic / £1.99
Ron: Imprisoned in Alcatraz, it's up to
Harry to search for and steal some secret
files which've
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been stored in an
underground vault and, once found, he
must escape through a hole in one of the
fences.
Now all this seems pretty simple until
you see a grid map of the prison layout,
which shows the 144 different locations in
which the files could be hidden. To make
sure that you visit most of them, it's
necessary to search for 30 items of escape
equipment as well. This done Harry must
be helped back to the compound and
begin his walk across the minefield to
safety beyond the electrified fence.
This is no easy game to complete, but
with only average use of colour, flickering
repetitive graphics and a fairly slow
playing speed, it's unlikely anyone would
want to. However, to its credit, there are
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some fun locations to visit; for instance, go
past certain guards too many times and
you'll be arrested for loitering and have
your head blown off - violent stuff, but
done with humour. Definitely reasonable
value for the price
that's being asked. 2/5
David: It's a shame Mastertronic's machine
code programmers were out to lunch when
this one got away. Thus, play
is fairly slow and tedious. 2/5
Roger: This one's a curious mixture of
arcade and adventure action, but overall
I'd say Harry deserved to stay
incarcerated. I think some thrilling text
might have made
it better. 4/5
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BC BILL
Imagine - Beau-Jolly / £5.50
Roger: The fallen empire of Imagine
Software bears guilt for BC Bill's creation;
Imagine may be 'the name of the game',
like it says on the packet, but whoever
wrote this didn't
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exactly apply a vast
amount of imagination to this sample of
Stone Age programming. Maybe everyone
was too busy winding up the company to
notice what the programmers were doing ...
The game is essentially lightweight stuff
involving a primitive character who looks
and behaves like your average Liverpool
or Everton supporter - probably
Imagine's way of introducing a little local
colour. Bill, under player control, has to
scuttle about a primeval landscape,
clubbing wives and collecting food, before
dragging the goodies back to his cave. An
ever-increasing number of children,
resulting from the collected and nourished
wives, complicate matters as do the
carnivorous (news to me!) dinosaurs
dropping in for lunch.
Well, it's obvious it's going to be a
success - everyone loves a good old
dinosaur ... you only have to see how many
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people settle down to watch that load of
old tott One Million Years BC each time
the BBC repeat it. For me though, there
wasn't enough going on - I spent the first
few games just trying to find another
screen (having got bored with the first
fairly quickly); needless to say there isn't
one - equally needless
to say, it needs one. 3/5
David: Sexism to the fore in this strange
little Stone Age scenario. It'll be a sure-fire
hit - nice graphics and excellent sound
help - but the initial
attraction soon wanes. 4/5
Ron: What a load of sexist nonsense -
great graphics, but the storyline stinks.
Personally, I wouldn't
give it house-room. 3/5
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HUMPTY DUMPTY MEETS THE FUZZY WUZZIES
Artic / £6.95
Ron: This is a maze game with a difference,
although you'd never guess it from the title
or
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the silly picture on the cassette insert.
It's all about helping Humpty escape from
his enemies, the Fuzzy Wuzzies (who're
responsible for all the bombs) and the
Deadly Snappers.
The game's twist is that instead of
having control of our egg-shaped hero,
you get to direct the movement of the
maze itself. The reason for this is that not
only does Humpty look like a rugby ball,
but he also behaves like one. He sits
lifeless until the maze is turned through 90
degrees, whereupon he tumbles downward
by the force of gravity. Only when an
object is encountered or the Fuzzy
Wuzzies get in the way, does Humpty
actually come to rest again. There are 18
mazes in all, complete with teleports to
help poor ol' Humpty out of the stickiest
of situations.
While the use of the rotating maze is
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interesting, in play it tends to be very
disorientating - especially as it disappears
momentarily each time it's rotated.
However, the overall display make use of
clearly defined graphics and pleasant use
of colour. Best of all
though is the speed. 3/5
David: Despite the age-old theme, this
maze game is different enough to warrant
attention. The graphics and sound are
good, although there's a distinct
lack of addictiveness. 3/5
Roger: Who dreams these things up? The
title's enough to put anyone off - which is
a shame because it's really a very good
game. I'm not too sure if it'll
reach the charts ... 4/5
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THE PERILS OF BEAR GEORGE
Cheetahsoft / £6.95
David: Believe it or not, the idea behind
this game is to eat as many apples as
possible, so that you can build up enough
fat to last out the
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Winter in hibernation.
For those of you, like me, expecting a
game based on Boy George, you're going
to be disappointed!
The first (of three) screens shows the
bear in an orchard, waiting with mouth
agape for some apples to fall from the
trees. It's not that difficult - the only thing
that can hurt you is a magenta-coloured
apple falling on your head and knocking
you out for a few seconds. Then, after
three types of apple have been consumed,
you automatically move to the ski-piste (?)
and have to manoeuvre Bear George to his
cave while avoiding the skiers. Once at the
mouth of the cave, the scene changes again
and it's now your task to walk along the
bottom of the cave without touching the
spiders who've attached themselves to the
ceiling to block your path. When you
reach your bed, there's a couple of seconds
rest for Winter (yawn) and it's back to the
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beginning again.
Although the animation and graphics
are superb, and the sound well above
average too, there's little addictiveness to
this at all - I found it far too easy.
Nevertheless, this could be
a commercial success 2/5
Ron: Bear George is a really odd game. I
haven't quite got the hang of the storyline
yet - I refuse to believe it's that simple -
but the graphics and
sound are above average. 3/5
Roger: The thought of a game in which
you've to force-feed a bear with over-ripe
apples in a two-minute binge before
hibernation suggests a crafty call to the
RSPCA. Overall, one of the most
unrealistic games
I've seen. 1/5
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AUTOMANIA
Mikro Gen / £6.95
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Ron: Wally, the manic mechanic, has got to
build 10 cars. What could be simpler?
Well, after playing this game for a while,
the answer's got to be 'just about
anything!'
Wally's first job us to go along to the
stores and collect the first part he needs -
however, this is no ordinary storeroom.
Most of the spare parts have taken on a life
of their own, rolling about menacingly (if
you can call a gentle rolling movement
'menacing' that is). Anyway, avoiding
these, Wally must climb the ladders and
jump across holes in the crumbling floors
until he finds the part he's looking for;
once he's got it, it's back to where he
started. Thus, the game continues until the
first car's built ... and then it's on to the
next car. Whew!
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The theme's original (although jumping
over moving objects and climbing ladders
certainly isn't!) and graphics, colour and
speed are all used to good advantage The
presentation and execution
of the game are excellent. 4/5
David: The graphics in this game are quite
superb, which is a shame because the game
isn't. Basically just another 'climb the
ladder' game, I'm looking
forward to the sequel. 4/5
Roger: As games go, this ain't bad at all.
Shame they called the hero of the game
Wally, as that's exactly how he acted with
me at the controls! I'd give it the thumbs up ... 5/5
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RIVER RAID
Activision / £7.99
David: The idea of this game's pretty
similar to a
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number of others I've seen
over the last year,
most notably Blue Max
for the Atari.
You have to guide a jet plane up a river,
banked on both sides by steep cliffs,
shooting enemy planes, helicopters, ships
and missiles that get in your way.
Refuelling posts appear every now and
then but these get fewer and further
apart as you progress through the levels.
The graphics are quite smooth, but their
quality's not so wonderful when you really
push your foot down (or whatever you do
in planes) - migraine sufferers watch out.
Having said that though, you hardly need
the graphics quality of Sabre Wulf to
produce a good game, and River Raid's
certainly a good, addictive game. The
game's both colourful and attractive to
look at, and includes a good
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selection of start-up options.
I must admit I was expecting something
a little better from a company like
Activision - but then again, the game's
addictiveness is certainly a strong point in
its favour. It's just a shame it's a little let
down by the quality of
the sound and graphics. 3/5
Ron: River Raid is a pretty basic game to be
honest - I didn't think the graphics were
up to much - but it was
certainly addictive enough. 2/5
Roger: Once I've played this game 23 times
in a row, I'd got a list of criticisms as long
as my arm. But then again, who cares if the
game turns out to
be that addictive? 3/5
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CRUSOE
Automata / £6.00
Roger: Like most well-written adventure
programs, Crusoe gives the impression of
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literacy and intelligence to the humble ZX
Speccy and, as someone who badly needs
his severely flagging ego flattered by any
means possible, I have to admit enjoying
this desert island experience.
Screen format includes both a
parchment logbook and one of a number
of maps charting the castaway's position.
The action involves shuffling the poor old
soul round the island, feeding and
watering him when required, and looking
for all the available 'finds' to assist his
survival. Apart from not letting him starve
to death, the player also has to steer him
around a selection of static and mobile
hazards, as well as correctly answering his
questions; he even responds in a like
manner to unprintable abuse!
Gradually, his well-being improves and
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his lifestyle becomes more civilised - but
how on earth do you get to find Man
Friday? Well, he can stay in the
undergrowth for all I care!
The complications, vaguely intellectual
demands on the player and wittily detailed
graphics, are at the core of
Crusoe's ability to amuse. 4/5
David: Jerky graphics and poor sound did
not endear me to this desert island disaster
- all the elements are there ...
it just doesn't quite work. 2/5
Ron: Well, I'm not quite sure what the idea
of the game really is, but I spent ages
trying to find the mysterious Man Friday.
Has anyone out there
found him yet? 3/5
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MADHATTER
Gamma Software / £5.50
David: In this game, you play the part of the
Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland
who, you
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surely remember, is having a tea-
party to celebrate his un-birthday ... but
that's where the connection ends, I'm
afraid.
Your task is to collect sweets and
chocolate rolls from around the screen,
which itself consists of very unexciting
graphics; the vacuum cleaners are very
shabbily defined and the mice, etc, are
such grim programming specimens as to
be almost unrecognisable. Moving your
character square around the screen, you
move into stationary and moving blobs,
whilst avoiding others. The only difficult
thing is getting out of the way of the
baddies - difficult only because they go
from side to side at silly speeds.
At first the game seems quite tricky, but
soon becomes simplistic. I was looking
forward to seeing some screen variations
but I was
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disappointed. With graphics as
poor as these, and no sound or variation to
speak of, this game will be played once
and once only. I remember games like this
having trouble on the market when the
Spectrum was released
two years or so ago! 1/5
Roger: Preparations for parties that
demand attention to sweets, chocolate
rolls, mice and vacuum cleaners may be
your cup of tea - but for me, it's not mad
enough by half.
It's got to be a miss. 1/5
Ron: Madhatter lacks the professionalism
we've come to expect from Spectrum
software - it's too fast and block graphics
just aren't on anymore. Pretty much a
boring game, I'm afraid.
It's a miss! 2/5
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TERRAHAWKS
CRL / £6.95
David: This is the game of the TV series -
which should guarantee it being a chart-
topper. I wonder if it's any good? Or even
whether
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that'll matter ...
The idea behind the game is to break
out of a black hole by way of a vortex,
which you must enter at a certain height, if
and when you find it. To help in your
quest, you've a radar screen, compass and
range detector.
The start of the game is actually quite
impressive, with lots of scrolling titles and
tunes being played ... but the myth soon
evaporates. The screen fills with a number
of 3D rectangles - which I seem to
remember being impressively termed
'huge green monoliths' - which are dead
easy to fly around, shoot up or whatever
else you want to do to them. No problem!
But of the vortex, I found no trace - so
that's what makes this game so difficult!
I enjoyed the game for the first few
moments, but when my fuel ran out after
about 15 minutes, I wasn't that eager to
start all over
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again. The instructions gave
no indication of how to find the vortex and
this is far from clear from the game itself.
This might be a very good game - if you
can work out what's going on
before you get bored. 2/5
Ron: The idea probably sounded great on
paper ... but CRL haven't pulled it off too
well. The only part of the game worth
seeing is the opening sequence of stars
rushing past, over which the player has no
control at all. The rest
wasn't up to much either. 2/5
Roger: I always did my jolly best to avoid
that hideous TV puppet show - and it's a
shame that I had to sit through the
computer game! I guess it'll be a success,
but who'd have thought the game could
be even worse than
the TV show? 2/5
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