Identity: One of "Springfield's finest"

Talents:

• Abusing power
• Taking bribes
• Disposeing of donuts

Weaknesses:

• Solving crimes
• Keeping the peace

Favorite non-monetary bribe: Beer

Family:

• Wife (Sarah)
• Ralph

Hidden talents:

• Acting, sang in play "Oh Streetcar!"
• Singing, was a member of the B-Sharps

Personally handles: All calls involving donut shops, ice cream parlors, chili stands, and places where beer or frozen popsicles are available

Extracurricular:

• Bribed Ms. Hoover to let Ralph have lead role in school play
• Ex ember of the "Be Sharps"
• Spotted a "ghost car" while pursuing Marge Simpson and Ruth Powers
• Falsely arrested Ned Flanders for DUI in front of the church bus
• Coaches the "Mighty Pigs" kids hockey team
• Member of the Stonecutters
• Hired Marge Simpsons to join the Springfield police force
• Stole counterfeit jeans that were hidden in the Simpsons' garage
• Made wicked chili with potent Guatemalan peppers which caused Homer to hallucinate
• Starred in Simpsons spin-off "Chief Wiggum P.I."
• Keeps the key to every lock in the city on his bed post